If Tonight is my Last
by pickmeforever
Summary: Derek Shepherd is a firefighter in Seattle, Meredith Grey is a resident at SGH, this is the story of what happens when their paths collide, and neither can seem to get the other out of their heads, no matter how hard they fight it! fireman derek...HOT x x
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – tick tock

Derek Shepherd sat in the sleeping quarters in the station, his eyes firmly fixed on the clock on the wall. The minute hand moving slowly around. The ticking the only sound echoing around the room, besides the light snores of his men.

It was a quiet day, he knew he shouldn't say that, it was risking the inevitable, but so far it was quiet. He had washed the fire truck, which technically wasn't his job, he was the lieutenant, he didn't wash trucks, but he was bored, the minutes were dragging, he had to do something, he had even gone on the pastry run buying doughnuts for his team, he had even shined his boots himself, he couldn't even remember the last time he had willingly done that, but now, he was sat literally twiddling his thumbs.

Waiting.

It didn't actually make all that much sense for it to be so quiet? It was Halloween, one of the busiest nights of the year - parties often got out of control, stray fireworks wreaked havoc in the air, trick or treaters pushed their luck, and jack-o-lanterns started fires in the craziest of places. Yet here he was surrounded by his sleeping men with nothing to do. He knew he wouldn't sleep though, that wasn't an option.

He hated the hanging around, it wasn't that he wanted people to be in danger, or that he wanted possessions or homes or lives to be destroyed, but the thrill of a 911 call, the adrenaline that ran through his body as he changed into his protective gear on route to a shout was just like nothing else. He didn't know how to explain it – it just gave him such a high. It was the job he had always wanted, and the uniform too!

His family thought he was crazy when he came home at 18 and announced medicine was too mundane for him, too predictable, the thought of slaving over text books and medical journals for the rest of his life no longer appealing.

He didn't want to be one of the sheep following the flock. His mother was a nurse, his father a neuro surgeon, his sister Kathleen already a qualified psychiatrist, Nancy was a year into her OBGYN residency, Anna was away travelling for a year before beginning her internship – desperate to be a neuro surgeon like her father, and Amelia, his little sister was running around the house with a medical text book forever in her hand 24/7 – inevitably showing signs of a career in medicine, and Mark – his brother- not by blood – but his brother all the same was desperate to 'Give women the bodies of their dreams and make ugly people beautiful' that was how he had put it! He knew he had a big head, but he also believed he would achieve his dreams, and he did, Mark Sloan was not a quitter!

But he had wanted to be a fire fighter.

He had wanted to be different.

He hadn't wanted to conform – that just wasn't him.

They had laughed at first, ridiculed the idea – Derek Shepherd a fire-fighter, Mark had even checked the date to see if it was an April fool, timid little Derek Shepherd willing to risk his life day in day out. Derek Shepherd, born into medical royalty with a renowned surgeon as a father, a mother known as a war hero for the work she had done with the injured soldiers - had announced that he wanted to be a fire fighter.

He had proved them wrong, he worked out, he trained, he got himself fit, he basically reinvented himself - and he had made it! The day he passed out in parade in front of his family was the proudest day of his life, and theirs too, everything had been perfect...it was a shame it couldn't stay that way.

Now aged 36 he was the lieutenant of his watch, in charge of a team of 10 men, desperately hoping to make the next rank soon...desperate for another bugle on his helmet, but for now...saving lives, fighting fires, even rescuing cats from trees – this was what he lived for, it was all he had, or so it seemed.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

The alarm sounded, jostling him from his thoughts, the screech of the bell filled every inch of the station, bouncing off walls, ensuring everyone who needed to hear, heard. His team springing to life, some taking the stairs, others flinging themselves expertly down the pole that joined the sleeping quarters with the waiting trucks below.

Derek flung himself into the driver's seat, as his men clambered in and began to throw their equipment on as Stan, his right hand man raced into the passenger seat, the fire report in his hand.

'Apartment fire, corner of Valley and West, a family complex,' he gulped as Derek fired the truck into life and sped off into the night.

The siren blasting, alerting the traffic on the roads to make way, to move over

'God dam it move.' Derek shouted, the adrenaline pumping through his veins at an alarming rate, his pulse racing 'come on man, shift it, and get that tail wagon out of my way,' he bellowed as he manoeuvred the truck through the surprisingly busy streets.

He loved the power of driving, the control he had over the roads...he loved his job.

'two more blocks man.' Stan directed as he pulled his own helmet onto his head and grabbed Derek's to pass to him the minute they pulled over.

As they closed down on the apartment block, the air became thicker, smoke penetrated the air and the dark night's sky was illuminated with flashes of red, orange and yellow flames as the inferno took hold of the building up ahead.

'It's big Stan, it's big.' he whispered as he concentrated on pulling the truck as close as he deemed safe to the burning building.

As his team piled out of the truck; and the one that had parked up behind, he beckoned his men over

'Self-preservation is critical, take risks-if you can succeed but remember two in, two out, stick to your teams, no one is left alone and most importantly remember...it's a beautiful night to save lives.'


	2. Chapter 2 trick or treat

**Chapter 2 trick or treat**

Meredith Grey was walking the corridors of the hospital – bored! If there was one thing she hated to be it was bored! It was Halloween; it wasn't supposed to be quiet. Pranks were supposed to have gone wrong by now; too much candy should have been eaten, even the odd burn from a stray sparkler, but instead nothing! Not even a pumpkin choking incident, nothing!

The ER was empty, except for a couple of patients who Alex had got to first. She hated nights like this, it was like survival of the fittest – in the race for a patient, any patient. And she seemed to be losing. Eight hours into her shift and she hadn't even cleaned up a graze, offered anyone a spit bucket...and certainly not had so much of a sniff of the OR.

She was on a trauma rotation, apparently without the trauma! And she hated it! She didn't lose; she didn't just sit on her ass doing nothing. 'Trick or frigging Treat,' she thought to herself.

It was a far cry from last year when she had persuaded half the surgical floor to work pro bono to build a little boy some ears, she had even persuaded Mark to lend his time, she had been prepared to bargain with sex if need be, there was something so innocent about the little boy that she had been determined to help. Which she knew sounded bad – sex in exchange for ears – but when you're strong-minded -rational thinking tends to go out of the window!

But surprisingly Mark had agreed, no questions asked, not even a hint of a dirty plea bargain...he just said yes! She had been shocked to say the least, not that she wanted to sleep with him, even though she had heard he was a god between the sheets (or on call rooms, parking lots...even the gallery if the rumours were true), she hadn't wanted to sleep with him!

Apparently he was impressed she had got Bailey and the Chief on board that he felt obliged or something! But she couldn't help but think then (and still now) that there was another reason behind his eagerness to help – but she had never gotten to the bottom of it. It was around that time that he changed, some would say for the better, others would say he had lost his mojo (surgical not sexual!), but one thing was for certain, that sometime around Halloween last year Mark Sloan had changed, something had made him change.

So last year she trick or treated for ears...and now, she was on route back from the coffee cart, with a poor excuse for a caffeine hit held tightly between her hands – if this was what it took to get through the dull night that lay ahead, then so be it she thought as she winced as the luke warm liquid began to infiltrate her system.

As she walked back into the ER she wasn't surprised to find it even quieter than before. Alex had patched up one patient and sent them on their way, and instructed an intern to take the other up to x-ray. So now he too sat bored and irritated at the nurses' station. Desperate for something to happen.

Waiting.

'Do I have something in my teeth?' he asked as he threw Meredith a cheesy grin to let her get a good look.

'no why?' she laughed as Alex closed his mouth despondent at her answer.'

'Oh ok, does my hair look wrong? Do I smell?' he replied as he lifted his arm in the air motioning for her to smell in the space below.

'Ewww Alex that's gross, I don't know if you smell, and I really have no desire to find out either' she shouted as she batted his arm out of her face.

'I haven't had a date in 3 weeks, not even a smile off a girl, nothing, Nada, zilch, just now, I was that bored I hit on my 56 year old patient, and even she said no!' he moaned as Meredith looked on in bewilderment

'You hit on a 56 year old women, in the ER, on Halloween? What was that your version of trick or treat?' she smiled as she saw the hurt on Alex's face 'this bothers you? Really 3 weeks Alex...3 weeks, try living my life and see whose complaining then' she continued but with obvious regret tinged in her voice.

Before Alex had chance to respond Mark threw the ER doors open.

'Heads up, trauma coming in, looks big, hope you're ready' he ordered as he made his way over to the trauma entrance.

'How bigs big?' Meredith enquired as she shot up off her seat and set off after mark, Alex following too.

'Not Mark Sloan big, Grey, but big all the same.' He smirked as the sirens began to draw closer.

'What have we got?' Alex asked as he stood alongside the pair at the doors waiting for the ambulances.

'Apartment fire' A voice from behind them bellowed 'flames can be seen jumping into the air from the highway by all accounts, you will be thanking yourselves for the rest earlier, this will have you begging to put your feet up, so if I hear one of you moaning over the next few hours...then expect rectals for a month'

'Evening Bailey' mark smiled 'You're looking radiant tonight.'

'If by radiant you mean pissed off then you'd be bang on the money Dr Sloan. Leaving my 3 year old son to trick or treat with a baby sitter, someone he sees perhaps more than me just lately, does definitely not leave me radiant' she huffed as she allowed Meredith to help her with her trauma apron.

'Four ambulances on route, the first three hold residents of the apartments' she read from the print out in her hand 'severe burns, head injury, smoke inhalation, possible broken bones'

'And the fourth?' Alex asked

'The fourth a have a go hero fire-fighter who went back in to check the building for...'

'Fire-fighter?' Mark interrupted as he spun around to face Bailey, fear etched on his face 'did they give you a name, anything, a name Bailey, a name?'

'That's all I know Sloan, that's all I know' she whispered as she laid a comforting hand on his forearm. An act that didn't go unnoticed my Meredith or Alex, who shot her a look -enquiring if she had any clue to what was going on. A simple shrug of her shoulders in return gave Alex his answer; she was in the dark too.

No one had chance to push for more information as the first ambulance pulled into the space in front of them.

'Philip Walters, 42, severe burns to approximately 70% of his body, reduced breath sounds on the left hand side, unconscious at the scene, last resident out of the building,' the paramedic informed the doctors as the stretcher was pushed into the ER.

'I'm on it.' Mark called as he followed the patient into the emergency room 'Bailey when you get a name on the fire-fighter...'

'You'll be the first one I find' she offered as she saw the concern root itself firmly across his face'

Bailey and Alex took care of the next two patients, the ER a wash of activity, a far cry from its earlier self, yet somehow Meredith still remained rooted to the space at the ER door, waiting the final ambulance.

As it turned the top corner, the sirens became deafening as it grew closer Meredith felt the usual sense of excitement and adrenaline begin to run through her body, trauma, at last!

Trick or Treat she thought to herself, at last trick or treat.

'Lieutenant Derek Shepherd, 36, smoke inhalation, fighting oxygen on route, agitated' the paramedic instructed as he pushed the stretcher out of the ambulance.

'And burns? He has burns right?' she asked heartlessly, desperate to make her way to the OR tonight.

'No Dr Grey, no burns, as I said smoke inhalation, fighting oxygen, a hero by all accounts.'

She let her eyes drift to the patient and was amazed to see amongst the soot, and smoke that had covered his face, the most dazzling pair of blue eyes staring right back up at her, the sapphire pools sparkling back in direct contrast to his shadowy skin.

Trick or treat...


	3. Chapter 3 How's That?

Hi everyone thank you for keeping my stories bumped whilst I have been away visiting family. The internet connection at my parents house was crappy so the minute I got back I started workign on updates.

will be working on IDWYTBA now that this update is finished!

here you go - they meet! xxx

[B][U]Chapter 3 – how's that?[/B][/U]

'Who have you got Grey?' she heard Bailey bellow across the ER

'None of your god damn business' Meredith muttered under her breath as she directed her patient towards the side room in the ER, still disappointed to be dealing with a little smoke, and not heading to the OR.

'Dr Grey did you not hear me I asked who you have got?' Bailey ordered as she grabbed hold of Meredith's arm, as the paramedic and her intern pushed the bed into the room, angry now to have had to leave her patient just to get an answer from her resident

'I have smoke inhalation, and a fighter refusing to keep his oxygen mask on, that's who I've got' she shot back, confused by the anger in Bailey's voice, she didn't usually take such interest in her patients.

'Name Grey, what's his god dam name' she shouted as she released Meredith's arm.

'Shepherd, Derek Shepherd, 36, Seattle fire department...'

'Crap Grey page Dr Sloan'

'What? Why? This is my patient, there are no burns, no blisters, no facial damage, nothing, and he doesn't need a plastic surgeon?'

'But he does need his brother' Bailey said as she offered Meredith a small smile, as a way of apologising for hurting her arm 'I'm sorry, about the grab, Mark was worried when the call came in, and it seems his fears were right, Derek Shepherd happens to be Marks brother. So please, page him as soon as you know what is happening, or even better now, I can't cope with a moaning man whore on my hands, so please, just page him, he will want to know'

'Shepherd and Sloan?' Meredith asked confused as to how the man currently waiting for treatment could be related to a man whore like Mark. Marks eyes always had a spark in them, a 'filthy I'm going to get into your pants kind of spark' but Derek Shepherds were different, loving, more like 'I'm going to get into your pants after I've wined and dined you first' kind of eyes! A subtle difference that made all the difference.

Meredith put in the page to Mark, she knew he would be barging in soon, so she didn't have long to make her initial assessments so she better get moving if she wanted to be able to answer all of Mark's questions when he arrived.

'Did anyone tell you that you could take that mask off?' she asked as she pushed open the door to see Derek lifting the oxygen mask onto his forehead. He looked up, his dazzling blue eyes appearing more prominent then before, shining blue like the ocean through the darkness of his smoke clad skin.

'I don't need...this...' he struggled to say as the cough took over his body, his lungs burning as he winced from the pain.

'My name tag says Dr Grey, and your's...doesnt...so I think that proves that you do need the oxygen' Meredith smiled as she pulled the mask back down over his mouth and nose 'do me a favour just keep it on whilst I assess you, please.'

'But'

'no buts, you can't even finish a sentence without coughing, and the shortness of breath is evident in your breathing pattern, so please, keep the mask on especially as Dr Sloan is on his way and he will make my life hell if I'm not looking after you'

'Mark? No I don't want...' he coughed, longer this time, his breathing quickening in an attempt to grab more oxygen.

'I was under strict orders to page him, and to look after you, so please, let me do my job,' Meredith smiled as she allowed her hand to soothe his arm, to calm him from his coughing episode, relief washing over her as he laid back against the pillow, the oxygen mask remaining in place and for the briefest of seconds their eyes meeting, before he closed his, obviously exhausted.

[I]There was something about those eyes.[/I]

'Ok we are going to need to order a chest X ray STAT to assess the lung damage.' Meredith instructed the intern who stood to her left. 'We need a full blood count to see that enough oxygen is present in Mr Shepherds blood, and we also need to test his Carboxyhemoglobin and methemoglobin levels to see how much damage has been done internally,' she called after her intern as he ran off to collect the equipment he would need.

'Mr Shepherd, it obviously hurts when you cough, and mucus is clearly present, what I need is for you to cough anything you can into here' she said as she pointed to the bowl resting on the table to the side of him 'I know it sounds disgusting but we need to assess the amount of burnt particles currently in your lungs and trachea' she smiled as he opened his eyes and reached for the bowl.

The pain evident across his face as he fought to sit as the cough took hold of his body. As he sat forwards Meredith reached behind and adjusted the pillows, ensuring he was sitting up, making coughing a little bit easier.

'Try grabbing the rail as you cough, you need something to steady you, it seems silly but it will help' she smiled as she helped his hand move to the rail, his knuckles white as he tightened his grip.

'Thanks. Do you have...more... of those...I feel...naus...nauseous' he rasped as he handed over the bowl, embarrassed by its contents.

'The nausuous feeling could be a result of too much carbon monoxide in your body, as soon as we are done here I will get you an anti sickness injection until we know more' she offered as she helped him to lay back into the pillows.

'Ok I need to check your airways now, and check for swelling, could you open your mouth so I can see into your throat?' she smiled as she reached for her torch, her left hand resting under his chin, the minute her skin touched his, she jumped back, it was like some kind of electrical current, a spark...

Derek looked over at her in shock at her sudden recoil backwards.

[I]Had he felt it too?[/I]

'Sorry, I jumped, and I didn't mean to, that was rude, I'm your doctor and I jumped back in front of you, it was just...just...'

'Strange?' he offered from behind his mask

'yeah something like that' she smiled as she reached forwards again, somewhat prepared to touch his face this time, shining the torch into his mouth, relief washing over her to see that his airway was clear and showing no sign of swelling.

Silently she returned to her notes, writing down her findings so far, her back turned away from her patient, embarrassed by her actions.

[I]What was this?[/I]

He is just a patient; he can hardly even speak due to his injuries, but those eyes...

'Dr Grey.

Dr Grey,

Dr Grey'

Her intern called,to get her attention, rousing her from her wandering thoughts.

' I can't get a vein, for the blood, I can't get a vein' he sighed, apologetically as she turned back to face her patient, his face contorted now, obviously in pain as her no good intern repeatedly stabbed into his arm, looking for a good place to take the blood.

'do us all a favour Dr Saunders and go and take up embroidery instead of using my patients arm as a pin cushion' she snapped as she moved in to take over from the intern 'we need sick bowls, check on the chest x-ray availability, and Sloan, check on Sloan' she ordered as she expertly placed the needle into a vein and began to withdraw the blood she needed.

A small smile resting on his face, part relief, part thankful to have her hands on his arm again!

'Thank you for doing this with the needles and the blood' he winced as she removed the last of the blood into the awaiting vial.

'I'm happy to help – but you shouldn't be talking, save your energy' she smiled as she placed pressure onto the needle prick and covered with a plaster 'even with the needles and the blood'

'you don't like needles?' he coughed again struggling once again to sit up right in the bed, surprise sweeping over his body as her arms reached around his chest and helped him sit, before adjusting the bed this time, to keep him in a seated position.

'all done' she smiled, her own eyes only inches away from his 'how's that feel?' she whispered, his breath warm on her face as she held onto the plaster a little longer than needed, her hand firmly rested on his.

'It feels good' he managed to reply, his gaze never breaking from hers

Green and blue locked together as the temperature in the room definitely began to rise some more.

'Man what the hell happened' Mark gasped as he burst into the room, gulping for breath, after running the length of the hospital no doubt.

Meredith and Derek both jumped at the sudden presence in the room, a slight blush spreading over Meredith's cheeks, as if she had been caught up to no good.

[I]Had she?[/I]

'Grey, what's the score, is he ok?' Mark asked as he sat on the edge of his brother's bed, looking up at Meredith, desperate for news, good or bad.

Meredith allowed herself to look up, surprised to see his eyes glaring into her, the filthy glint replaced with something else, something new for Mark Sloan – fear.

'Mr Shepherd has smoke inhalation, we are on route to chest x ray the minute there is a space, we have all the blood we need to get the labs working on his oxygen and carbon monoxide levels and we are monitoring the mucus output' she informed mark as she reached forwards as Derek began to cough again, instinctively offering him the bowl as Derek's hand clasped onto her forearm to steady himself as the thunderous cough shook his body.

'Whoa man you will break her arm use mine' Mark offered as the cough continued to attack his body, his hand never leaving Meredith's arm.

'He has to keep his balance or something' Meredith smiled as Mark eyed the pair suspiciously.

'Balance, never heard it called that before' he murmured as Derek's coughing fit subsided and he relaxed back against the pillows once again.

'The sooner I get these results back the sooner we know what we are dealing with' Meredith said softly as she moved out from Derek's grasp and headed to the door.

'Make yourself useful and take your brother up to X ray whilst I run these? She smiled 'my intern seems to have actually thought I was serious when I suggested taking up needle work so I guess I will run these up myself' she sighed as she left the room.

She took a moment to take stock of what had just happened, to make sense of the feelings that were consuming her body. She looked down at his name printed across his blood samples

'Derek Shepherd' she whispered to herself, a small smile spreading across from cheek to cheek

'Mark' Derek coughed as his brother manoeuvred his bed to the nearby elevator on route to X ray.

'Mark?'

'Yeah sorry miles away, you alright? No more pain?'

'I'm...ok' he rasped, his breathing still short, each breath needing that little bit more oxygen 'but it's just..'

'Do you need a sick bowl? Cause I didn't bring one, I can run grab one...'

'Mark!' he spoke louder this time, taking most of his energy to get the word to leave his mouth

'What man, what do you need?'

'Dr Grey...is she single?' he coughed, but behind the cough, a smile, a definite smile, something that Mark hadn't seen on his brother's face for a very long time.


	4. Chapter 4 Single

Chapter 4

Derek wasn't allowed to speak, that's what Mark had said, under no circumstances could he speak. His oxygen stats weren't what they were meant to be and he was still finding it quite difficult to breathe, so until further notice he was to be quiet and save his energy.

He hated it!

'So I can say anything now, and you can't retaliate, I kind of love smoke inhalated Derek more than I ever expected' he joked as he pushed his brother back into his room and repositioned his oxygen. 'To answer your earlier question Dr Grey is very much single, frigid if the rumours are true, I mean she has never been in my bed so she must be frigid, or gay, man that would be hot if she was!' he chuckled as he saw the expression change on his brothers face. 'I mean you could try, if you wanted, but don't expect much, Dr Grey doesn't date – ever! And you know your 7th grade girlfriend? Kayleigh White? Yeah I told her you slept with a frog in your pants, that's why she dumped you' he smirked as Derek looked over the Oxygen mask and threw his brother an evil stare 'and that time mom found you sneaking out so you could go to Sally Henderson's midnight beach party – yeah that was me too, Sally was hot, I couldn't have you ruining my chances' he laughed as Derek looked on in disbelief stretching to remove the mask from his face.

'Whoa steady man, doctor's orders the oxygen stays on, no talking till your doctor tells you otherwise. And i'll stop with the stories i promise'

'well the doctor is right here so let's see what we have got' Meredith laughed as she walked back into the room 'and you do know in a matter of days he is going to be up and about and wanting to kick your arse after those admissions' Meredith smiled as she placed the x-rays and results across the table in front of Derek.

'As Mr Shepherd is my patient, and you are family I suggest you are the one to keep your mouth closed' she snapped, before flashing a cheeky grin at Derek, one he tried to mirror behind his mask.

'Good news Lieutenant Shepherd, the chest X ray is as clear as we would hope it to be at this stage, no sign of swelling in the lungs, just smoke which was to be expected, however the blood gasses do show a higher level of CO2 then we would expect to see so we need to monitor your levels for the next 12 hours to get a clearer picture of what is going on inside that body of yours' she smiled as she walked up closer to the bed, her eyes taking in the sight before her. 'However as much as it pains me to agree, I think, for the time been your brother is right, I'm sorry but no talking' she offered apologetically.

'I need to hook up this pulse oximeter. It's just a machine that tells us how much oxygen is in your blood. I have to attach this clip to your finger, toe or ear, whichever is most comfortable for you really?' she explained as she unravelled the cord ready to place on Derek 'So where do you want it?' she blushed as his eyes widened at the sight of the clip before him.

'oh don't tempt him' Mark smirked under his breath from his seat on the opposite side of the bed as the blush spread over Meredith's face and Derek closed his eyes in shame at his brothers words.

Meredith shook her head, embarrassed by marks outburst, but trying her best to remain as professional as she could.

'Relax lieutenant it won't hurt, for a life saver you sure are a wimp aren't you' she laughed as she placed the clip onto his outstretched finger, her voice shaking as she spoke, and her fingers caressing the top of his hand slightly as she checked the connection, her head held low, unable to meet his gaze.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

The sound of marks pager filled the room and he made his apologies before getting up to leave.

'don't worry man I'll be back later, needed in the OR, burns victim maybe you can find out if Dr Grey here has an excellent bed side manner or not I'm sure she will keep you company,' he laughed as he rushed out of the door.

'Mark..Mark..' he rasped as left the room, fighting for breath behind the mask.

'hey i thought i said no talking' Meredith said as she adjusted the oxygen flow to his mask.

Derek looked up at her, his eyes pleading, the dazzling blue turning darker, desperate to ask. She allowed her self to meet his gaze, and saw the desperation resting in his beautiful pools, concern, worry...

'Ok just a minute' she smiled as she reached over and lifted the mask up over his head, 'but what ever it is take it slow, take slow, controlled breaths if you need them, you oxygen is vital right now' she smiled as she rested the mask on top of his matted black curls.

_I bet that feels good to run your fingers through_

'the patient...with mark...is that...the man...in the fire...he was...trapped...i...i...had...' the cough took hold of his body quickly, the deafening rattling of his rib cage echoing around the room as he grabbed onto merediths arm again, taking comfort in the support she offered him.

'breathe ok, just breathe, slow deep breaths' she said as she spoke quietly, soothing him with her voice 'just breathe' she instructed as she placed the mask back down across his mouth and nose again. 'you want to know how the patient is? The man you went back in to save?' she asked as the cough subsided and he silently nodded his head, tears evident, resting in his eyes. 'I'll find out, as soon as you are more comfortbale


	5. Chapter 5 seeds

Chapter 5 - seeds

Meredith looked at her watch as she headed off to call Mrs Shepherd. Only half an hour left of her shift, and since Lieutenant Shepherd's – Derek's- injuries weren't surgical then she had better grab Cristina and explain what he needed over night, she was taking over her shift after pulling the short straw and getting the graveyard shift and Meredith couldn't wait to sleep. She was exhausted, and if she was honest, quite thankful now that she wasn't heading into the OR for hours.

She just needed her bed.

She sat down at the nurses' station as she noticed Mark walking back down the corridor towards her, and watched him throw his scrub cap in the trash can before kicking it, letting out his anger as the metal cylinder flew through the air and crashed into the elevator door.

'You ok?' she asked as he collapsed next to her in the chair.

'Lost him, 15 minutes in and he just crashed on the table, severe smoke inhalation, burnt his lungs almost through, his burns were too severe, there was nothing we could do.' He whispered, obviously affected by the tragedy.

'I'm sorry.' She said as she placed her hand on his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze, a slight nod of appreciation directed over to her to say thank you.

'Derek will be devastated, the man we lost was the guy he went back in to save, the man he risked his own life to save – and we lost him, we fucking lost him' he shouted as he pushed the nearby files onto the floor. 'Of all the weeks for something crap to happen.' he said as he placed his head in his hands and struggled to keep back a sob.

Meredith sat confused, she had never seen such a reaction from Mark before, not one of such emotion anyway, he was hurting, and worried about his brother...because of...what? What was she missing?

'I was just about to call your mother, Derek asked me too, but if you'd rather,' she asked as she held out the phone.

'no, I can't, she will panic, especially if I ring, she will be imagining allsorts, it's probably best if it comes from you, after all you are Derek's doctor' he sighed as he leant back in the chair as he watched Meredith begin to dial the number. 'Just so you know, we are close, the family has had its fair share of heartache, so she will panic, and question you, and there might be tears – just so your prepared' he offered as he heard the familiar sound of a ring tone fill the air.

'Hello?'

'Hello may I speak to Mrs Shepherd please?

'Speaking, what can I do for you it's late?'

'I'm sorry for the late phone call Mrs Shepherd, My name is Dr Grey and I'm calling from Seattle Grace Hospital...'

'Oh god, something's happened hasn't it; oh my...oh...its Derek isn't it...oh...'

'Mrs Shepherd I need you to breathe ok, just breathe, have you got anyone with you?'

'Please...just tell...me...oh god please no, not Derek, not this week, noooo'

'Mrs Shepherd please, I don't want to have to be admitting you in the next hour as well as your son, Lieutenant Shepherd – Derek – is fine, or he will be.'

Mark looked on at Meredith, concerned for his mother, able to hear her sobs from his position next to Meredith.

'He is? You mean he isn't?'

'No Mrs Shepherd he isn't, he has suffered a relatively mild case of smoke inhalation and has high levels of carbon monoxide in his blood stream, so at the moment he is being monitored and drugs administered to help him expel the unwanted gasses from his body.'

'Oh dear, I'm so sorry for over reacting, it's such a dangerous job he does, and ever since...he's ok?'

'Its understandable and yes, I promise you Mrs. Shepherd and as a doctor I should never promise, but in this situation I feel comfortable to say, I promise you he will be ok, he should be discharged by the end of the day tomorrow if his O2 levels increase, and Dr Sloan is watching mine, and my other residents backs to make sure your son receives the very best care.' Meredith smiled as she heard Mrs. Shepherd take a deep breath before coming back on to the phone, obviously more relaxed now in the way she spoke.

'Mark, is he there? With Derek?'

'He is, in fact Mrs Shepherd he is right here if you would like to talk to him?' Meredith offered as Mark reached out for the phone,

'Oh yes please Dear, but one thing, before you go. Can I come now? I know it's late but I'm never going to sleep knowing he is in that place, would it be ok to come?'

'yes Mrs shepherd , its more than ok, Mark is fighting me for the phone so I will pass you over, but I'm sure both your boys would be glad to see you' she smiled as she rested the phone into Marks hand.

'Thank you' he mouthed over to her as she headed off back towards Derek's room before he returned to the phone and more or less repeated Meredith's words to his mother himself, relieved to hear that she had calmed down.

'Is he really ok Mark?'

'he will be Ma, he took in a lot of smoke, but the chest x rays show very little damage and no swelling which is amazing really. He was lucky, his team got him out of there as soon as they realised he had gone back in, they got to him quick ma.'

'No long term damage?'

'not really, I promise, just like Dr Grey promised, he might need meds for a while a steroid inhaler perhaps to keep his air ways clear and open, but nothing that will affect him day in day out. And he will need a break from the job, just a couple of weeks, but then he will be back to normal'

'So he is really Ok?'

'yes ma, I'm not even his doctor, Dr Grey is, or she will be for the next few minutes anyway, and she's good, she's a good doctor, and I don't give compliments easily unless it's to try to get a girl...

'do not finish that sentence Mark Sloan!'

'Sorry'

'Dr Grey sounds nice. I wonder if she is single.'

'Yeah she is, I guess, not really the point here Ma, Derek is lying in a hospital bed and you are trying to play match maker, I've told you I'm not looking to settle down, I'm a player, an Olympian in fact, I'm good at what I do'

'That's enough of that talk Mark, and for the record I didn't ask that with you in mind' she said softly and Mark could tell she was smiling. 'Derek needs someone like her in his life.'

'Ma you spoke to Meredith for 2 minutes on the phone, for all you know she could have 4 legs and bright green hair' he laughed

'And does she?'

'Well no but'

'No buts, I was just asking a question Mark, Derek only ever sees things in black and white, Meredith was it, She doesn't, my boy could use a spoonful of that'

'if it helps ma he has already asked the same question as you, it shocked me to say the least, he is your son alright...'

'And so are you Mark, so are you. Now I know it's late but if I call a cab now do you think you could meet me in the lobby in say 20 minutes so I don't have to hunt half the hospital looking for my boys? I need to see him and see for myself that he will be OK, I can't take any more pain Mark, not this week, not ever.'

'I no ma, I no...And sure I'll be in the lobby waiting – I love you'

'I love you too, and Derek too, please tell Derek I love him so so much, and he will be in trouble for scaring me like this' she sighed as she ended the call.

As Meredith walked back into his room, she was relieved to see him asleep, his head rested back on the pillows and the sound of his heavy and raspy breathing filling the air, his rib cage appearing to rattle with each intake of breath, a clear sign of the smoke that had penetrated his body a few short hours ago.

She dared herself to look down at him, really look at him.

His skin was dark, smoke and soot having stained his cheeks, his forehead, all of him in fact, she had no idea what he would actually look like behind all the dust that acted as a reminder as to what he had been through. His hair stood wild on his head afro like she laughed to herself as she felt her own hand reach out and attempt to flatten the crazy mop that sat a top of his head, to no avail.

There was no question about it, he needed a shower, but he was still too weak to stand unaided, she would have to tell Mark he may need to help him if he woke up in the night, Mark could help him, he was his brother, not his doctor, and his doctor couldn't help him take a shower...

She sat herself down on the spare chair to the side of the bed and reached out for his notes, scanning them quickly, making sure she hadn't left any details out for the cross over with Cristina in little under 10 minutes.

She made a quick note informing her friend that Derek did not yet know about the patient Mark lost on the table, and that Mark should be the one to break the news, the last thing he needed was Cristina being her insensitive self and spouting off without realising.

'What have we got?' Cristina asked as she bounded into the room

'Sssshhh he is sleeping?'

'Since when do we care that the patients are asleep?' Cristina asked as she swiped the file from Meredith's hand.

'since he risked his life today to save a man who later died on Sloan's operating table, a death he is yet to hear about, so I'm asking you once, as my friend, my best friend, be nice, you must have it in you somewhere.'

'I'm always nice'

'Ok sir can you wake up for me please it's time for your reflex coughs' Cristina asked as she shook Derek from his slumber

'Cristina, I just told you he was sleeping and to be nice'

'I am being nice, I said please, what do you want Tinkerbell costumes and fairy dust?'

'I just thought you could let him sleep'

'He needs to cough, that's in your notes right? Regular cough reflux? And as he is my patient now then I need to hear for myself'

'Now sir, please; she stressed the please, can you sit up for me and give me 5 deep coughs'

Derek did as he was told, shocked from his sudden alarm call, but followed instructions all the same.

'That's great, sleep, you should definitely sleep again now' Cristina explained as she made a few more brief notes and headed for the door 'you off home now?' she asked Meredith

'Yeah in a minute, there are just a few things I need to clear up then I'm out of here'

I'll see you tomorrow then, good night' Cristina said as she walked out to check on the list of other patients she had to deal with over night.

'You're leaving me here, with her?' Derek asked from behind his oxygen mask, his eyes pleading with Meredith for a different answer to the one he was expecting

'I'm sorry, I've reached my limit, chiefs orders, and her bark is so much worse than her bite; she offered as she reached over to adjust his pillows. 'I spoke to your mother, she is lovely by the way, and she panicked, which I think is to be expected, but she is ok, and she is coming, so either fake sleep, or put a comb through your hair' she smirked as she adjusted the monitor attached to his finger.

Derek laughed, it was painful and his chest felt like it was on fire, but he couldn't help it, here he was wondering if his Doctor, his incredibly hot (in a way that she really had no clue kind of hot) doctor was single, and he had only just realised the state he was in. He cast a look down at his hand, soot stained, front and back, with ash buried beneath his nails. If his hands looked this bad, he dreaded to think what his face was like.

'You have helmet hair'

'What?'

'Helmet hair, from the fire, never mind...'

'Are you insulting my hair' he smirked as he watched her begin to back out of the room.

'I...I...have to go, as of 5 minutes ago I am no longer your doctor, I am a civilian and I need my bed' she stuttered as she headed for the door.

'Meredith?' he managed to call, before a cough took hold of his lungs once again. Catching her attention and causing her to return into the room.

'Are you ok?'

The cough continued as she reached forwards and brought him into a seated position, helping to open up his airways.

'I'm ok' he said as the cough subsided.

'Do you ever date patients Meredith?' he asked boldly as she span round and faced the bed again

'What?'

'Patients do you ever date them?'

'It's against the rules, so no, I don't date patients' she quipped back, grateful that she didn't fluster in her answer

'Then it's a good job as of 5 minutes ago you were no longer my doctor then' he smiled as the blush swept over her cheeks and she kept on walking from the room.

'Good night Meredith' he smiled to himself, he had planted a seed, and that was good enough for now!


	6. Chapter 6 That wasn't nice

Chapter 6 that wasn't nice

Meredith pulled the covers over her head as the shriek of the alarm clock filled the room breaking her from her slumber. It didn't feel like 5 minutes ago since she lay her head on her pillow and her mind started spinning with dreams involving firemen...one fireman in particular...and hoses there had definitely been hoses. She held the duvet over her face, to block out the shrill echoing around her room, and to hide her embarrassment - from herself.

She had dreamt about Lieutenant Shepherd and in less than an hour she would be his doctor again, and she definitely couldn't dream about him and she definitely couldn't date him.

_Doctors don't date patients._

You cannot date Derek, she chanted to herself over and over again as she allowed her hand to sneak out from under the covers and turn the alarm off.

She had 55 minutes to get to the hospital, to so many people that would mean panic stations, but to Meredith it was ideal, shower, hair dry, cold pizza, coffee and out – simple! She had a long day ahead a 24 hour marathon shift part of which she knew would be spent with Derek in that tiny little room! She couldn't call him Derek, or Lieutenant Shepherd either actually – not after that dream – those were the names she had been screaming as he took her for a tour of his fire truck last night. Her cheeks blushed at the thought of her dream, how was she supposed to look at him, be his doctor, treat him – when all she could think about was what it would actually feel like to have him trace the inside of her thigh with his tongue...

She shook her head, she had to stop thinking of the dream, of how he had made her feel, it wasn't real.

It was just a dream.

Meredith arrived at the hospital with 10 minutes to spare, she was always grateful she wasn't a high maintenance kind of girl especially as she loved her bed so much, low maintenance meant more sleep and she didn't give up sleep for anyone.

_And with dreams like that who wouldn't want to sleep!_

As she approached the coffee cart she noticed Cristina walking down the stairs, physically exhausted after the treacherous graveyard shift that they all hated.

'Hey' she called as she spotted Meredith and smiled hopefully at the coffee in Meredith's hands.

'Here you look like you need it.' Meredith offered the coffee to Cristina who wrapped her hands around it and took in the pleasant aroma.

'Mmmmm thanks I need this, a night with your chatty fire-fighter and his mother really is exhausting.' She smirked.

'What? He isn't my fire fighter, no not at all, not one little bit, he isn't my fire-fighter now, and he won't be my fire-fighter tomorrow, he is my patient, and doctors don't date patients – ever, so there is no associating him with me Ok.'

'Oh what did you do?' Cristina laughed as she took in the fumbling, rambling mess before her.

'Do? I didn't do actually do anything. I was asleep, so it's not like it's my fault'

'But you thought it?'

Meredith raised an eye brow, a telling look between friends that passed on all the information Cristina needed to know.

'Oh you dreamt about McFireman. Was he good? He looks like he'd be good?'

Meredith smirked, the pink flush creeping over her cheeks, at Cristina's questioning.

'It was porny wasn't it? In the truck? At the station?'

A slight nod from Meredith resulted in Cristina linking arms with her and walking towards the elevator. 'Nice, just when I think you're boring, you rise' she laughed as the pair made their way up to the residents lounge.

'So forgetting I dreamt about him...and his hose last night.' Meredith blushed 'How is he? As a doctor I'm asking how my patient it?'

'Well technically,' Cristina said as she took a look at her watch 'he is my patient for another 6 and a half minutes so if you want to run in there and jump him before your shift starts feel free!'

'Cristina! There will be no jumping, or visits to fire stations – or rides in fire trucks.'

'Ride being the operative word!'

'Seriously!'

'His mother arrived not long after you left, and man does she like to talk, she talked a lot about you actually, which is strange considering she never actually met you!'

'Why would she talk about me?'

'To be honest I'm not sure, I switched off after a while. But she's nice all the same, and very protective of her boy!'

'And over night, how was he?' Meredith asked, putting the thoughts of Derek's nosey mother to the side for a moment whilst she enquired about her patient!

'His stats dropped to below 92 around 4am, but we increased his oxygen flow and upped the steroid, which helped to maintain a more constant flow of oxygen, his chest is still not clear, we continued the cough reflux well into the night, then let him sleep as he was clearly exhausted. So he is probably going to be in a lot of pain when you first get in there and need to clear his lungs STAT.'

'And his mother?'

'Still here last time I looked, Sloan had them make a cot bed up for her in the room; it was obvious she wasn't going to leave.'

'And Sloan? Did he stick around? Did he tell Derek about the victim from the fire?'

'Sloan was snoring on the couch when I went in last, but he hasn't told him yet, he thought it might stress Derek out so he decided to wait until today I think, when he was a bit stronger.'

Meredith threw on her coat over her scrubs and made her way down the hall to his room. She would check on him first, before rounds, he needed to clear his lungs so she should definitely go and help.

As she approached the door to his room she stopped for a moment and leant back on the wall, closing her eyes.

'He's your patient. He's your patient. He's your patient.' She chanted to herself as she took a deep breath and walked into the room.

Empty

Well empty apart from a snoring Sloan.

'Ow' what was that for mark spat as Meredith hit him over the head with Derek's notes as he sat up and adjusted to the light in the room.

'Where is your brother?' she yelled as she motioned to the bed, void of her patient, the oxygen mask sat resting on the pillow.

'Relax; he is probably in the bathroom.' Mark sighed as he realised his mother was no longer asleep either. 'He was asking Ma all night to help him take a shower, to get cleaned up, he was covered in inches of soot don't forget!'

'And did you not think to suggest he wasn't strong enough to take a shower? That a 4am scare was enough to show he needed a constant flow of oxygen?'

'I was asleep, I'll check on him, he will be ok you know.'

Meredith sighed as she sat herself down on the couch as mark vacated it, her eyes trained on the door at the far side of the room.

_Was he in there, naked...showering...water...bubbles?_

She felt her palms clam up just thinking it, and shook her head to rid herself of any more porny thoughts.

_He's your patient. He's your patient. He's your patient._

'Ma, are you in there with Derek? Dr Grey is freaking out here so I think it's time you got him back to bed.' He called through the door as he hammered his fists on the wood work.

'Dr Grey is here?'

'Yes Ma, and she really needs to check on her patient so I suggest you hurry up before she makes me come in there and carry my naked brother back to his bed, the thought of such an act makes me sick, so don't let it become reality Ma, please.'

As the door opened Meredith allowed herself to look up and take her first glance at Mrs Shepherd, she had sounded so lovely on the phone, so motherly, everything a mother should be.

'Mrs Shepherd' she said as she stood from her resting spot and moved over to where the older lady was standing.

'Dr Grey, it's ever so nice to meet you, Derek will be out in a minute, couldn't have him looking so filthy, whatever would you think' she smirked as she took Meredith by surprise and pulled her into a hug.

'Thank you for everything you did for my boy last night' she whispered as she held Meredith tighter 'I couldn't lose him'

'You're welcome' Meredith managed to say before being released from the impromptu hug 'just doing my j...'

The words stuck in the back of her throat as her attention was drawn to the bathroom once again as Derek slowly made his way back from his shower.

The soot and the smoke had been washed away, down the drain taking the memories of the last 18 hours with it. His skin looked so soft, glowing, the small splash of red that adorned his cheeks a tell tale sign of a recent coughing fit. His black hair, clean and damp, left to dry loose, framing his forehead in a way she had never noticed before. The stubble across his face now evident, casting a shadow across his jaw line. And his chest...son of a bitch couldn't even come out with a new T shirt on; instead he appeared with low slung Pyjama pants hanging from his hips, his bare chest exposed. The definition from his stomach mesmerizing her as he ran the towel over his body to dry the last few drops of water, His eyes sparkling in the morning light, they had drawn her in last night, pools like the ocean shining through the soot, but now, in the light of day, they were spectacular,

She felt herself gulp and prayed it wasn't as loud as it had seemed as she continued to cast her eyes over the man before her.

How ironic, she thought to herself the dryer he got...the more her own panties soaked through!

She blinked, ashamed of her thoughts. And very much aware of the blush invading her face, making her feelings noticeable!

She was his doctor and he was her patient, she couldn't think like this, she couldn't.

'Pass me that T shirt man?' he asked mark who was now sitting on the edge of the bed.

_No mark don't, the view is just great as it is_

'You should really be in bed you know.' Meredith stuttered as she took a step back from Mrs. Shepherd and gave herself room to breathe.

_Dam you Lieutenant Shepherd for being so hot._

'I know, and I'm sorry' he smiled 'but I'd been lying in that smoke and soot far too long, I had to get cleaned up.'

'His precious hair was getting matted more to the point.' Mark laughed as he moved off the bed and helped his brother get comfortable again. 'The thought of not being able to run his fingers through his pride and joy was enough to make him take the risk.'

'You really do love your hair huh?' she smiled, feeling herself relax for the first time since he re-entered the room, not allowing her gaze to meet his.

'Dr Yang explained to me that you had a little scare around 4am, only 3 hours ago, so I'm now implementing bed rest until further notice, you can't run around showering and getting all clean, you don't have the energy to do it.' She sighed as she hooked him back up to the monitors, saddened to see his sats now at 94%.

'See that' she said as she tapped the screen with her pen '94%, you need that to be at least 98% before I will even consider letting you get back out of that bed.'

'And if I need the toilet?'

'Catheter' she winked as she moved around the bed as his eyes grew wide at her suggestion.

'What? No way!'

'Relax Mr Shepherd I'm joking. You gave me a fright not being in your bed this morning, it's only fair I gave you a fright back' she smirked as she reached to adjust his pillows and bring the head rest further forwards.

'That wasn't nice'

'Sorry...and neither is this I'm afraid,' she said apologetically as she offered him a pillow to hug into his chest. 'this is going to hurt like hell, but you need to really work on clearing those lungs, Dr yang said you were reluctant over night, but you're never going to get out of this place unless you do it.'

For the first time that morning she allowed her eyes to meet his, the electricity as ever present now as it had been last night, the beautiful green droplets meeting with the electric blue waves as he reached out and took a now familiar grip on her arm.

As he forced a cough out, his body began to shake and burn from the pain, the vice grip he held on Meredith's arm constricted making her wince in agony as she placed her own hand over his, running her fingers along the back of his hand, to soothe the ache, and encourage him to let go. Her fingers lacing over the top of his as she felt him begin to relax.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...'

'It's fine, honestly.' She smiled failing to notice their hands were still entwined as one.

It didn't go unnoticed by Mrs Shepherd however who smiled as she took a seat on the couch and took in the scene before her. Her son so at ease with his Doctor, the sparkle back in his eye that she hadn't seen since before his father.

Her eyes fell to the meeting of the hands, now resting on the bed as he sub consciously let go of hers and began to run his palm over her forearm, over the spot he had gripped as the pain took over his body.

His actions backing up his apology as she noticed the smiles cross both their faces.

There was something there; it was like watching a mirror image of herself and Michael. And he would forever be the love of her life.


	7. Chapter 7 Thump

Chapter 7 THUMP

Derek continued to make steady progress as the day went on; he was bored and frustrated stuck in the room, especially now confined to the bed. And Meredith hadn't been in for over an hour so he didn't even have anything beautiful to look at. (His mom had gone for coffee so he wasn't disregarding her...)

He kept his eyes focussed on the monitor recording his Oxygen levels, the rhythm of the beeps playing over and over like a stuck cassette, his stare fixed on the 95% that flashed across the screen, it had gone up 1% in the past hour, but he needed more...

He couldn't help think how cute she looked that morning, all angry and annoyed at him for getting out of the bed, but he wasn't blind, he had noticed her reaction when he had appeared without his top on, the minute he knew she was out there he had made the decision to leave the t shirt he planned to wear in the bathroom and ask for another when he got out. Her eyes had changed, grew more intense, their colour had deepened – lust...god he hoped so!

He didn't understand what came over him when he thought of her, he wasn't confident, hell he was never normally even flirty but in her presence something inside him changed, his pulse rate quickened and his heart felt a new feeling that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

He wanted her. So he needed out of this place as quickly as possible so he could pursue her, she wouldn't be his doctor for much longer and then he could try – he was determined when he set his mind to it, with anything, and Dr Meredith Grey would be no different.

So if bed rest was what she prescribed, then bed rest it was, besides the quicker he got out of this bed the quicker he could work on getting Meredith into his own...it was wrong to think like that, he knew it was, but she was just so mesmerising. But it wasn't just about that he was scared to admit it but he wanted more, so much more.

Meredith was exhausted, apparently dreaming about gorgeous fire-fighters was physically and emotionally draining, she had had more sleep last night then the past few weeks yet she still felt exhausted – her body might have stopped but her brain most definitely hadn't.

However the dream wasn't her only problem. Her head was now racing with thoughts of half dressed Derek, dripping with water as he caressed his toned abdomen with his towel, the sight of his toned, muscular arms reaching up to run his fingers through his perfect, black, beautiful mane of hair – imagining what it would be like for those arms to pick her up and lay her back onto the bed...

Meredith Grey didn't do fantasies or ever feel like this over a guy – especially a guy who happened to be her patient, yet she couldn't rid her mind of thoughts that only centred on him.

As sat in the cafeteria, her head rested on the table trying to muster the energy to take a few short steps over to the coffee cart and get her caffeine hit she tried to think of anything but Derek.

She needed to shop for groceries for food – and beer she definitely needed beer.

_The way the water slid down his rippling six pack._

Ask Cristina to go to Joe's tonight.

_His eyes beautiful blue orbs sparkling like no others she had seen before._

Clean the bathroom the bath must need scrubbing clean.

_She should have offered him a sponge bath, ran her hands over his chest as she lathered up the bubbles._

Trash, the trash definitely needed taking out,

_Oh to have snuck inside that shower with him, their bodies meeting as one beneath the scorching flow of water, her breasts pressed up against his chest, his hands running through her hair before he pushed her back against the cold tiles before pressing slow, sensual kisses along her jaw line, as his excitement grew and she could feel the moans begin to creep over her body...Lieutenant Shepherd..._

'Dr Grey? You look miles away' a soft caring voice said from above her, ridding Meredith of her thoughts in an instant.

'Mrs Shepherd.' She smiled as she raised her head up from the table and allowed her gaze to meet his mother's eyes as she felt the blush spread over her cheeks. She had been having porny, dirty thoughts about this women's son, and now her she was standing above her, smiling at her...she wouldn't know...unless she had moaned out loud – oh god please no!

'Please its Carolyn, Mrs Shepherd makes me sound old. I was just going to grab myself a coffee, would you like one?'

_Oh my god the women is a saint and I'm dreaming of doing the mcnasty with her son, I am a whore I am a whore I am a whore._

'Thanks that would be great.' She heard herself say as she watched her head off to join the queue, saving Meredith the task of moving her feet, one in front of the other.

'I wasn't sure how you took it so I guessed black. Michael used to take it black he said as a busy surgeon it was like his fuel, his own prescription to keep awake.' She smiled as she placed the cup down in front of Meredith and stood awkwardly for a few moments as she watched her lift up the cup and inhale the aroma of the medince before her.

'Black is perfect, thank you, do you...want to sit?' Meredith asked.

_What are you doing, small talk with the mother._

'Oh yes dear, thank you that would be wonderful.' She sighed as she slid into the chair opposite Meredith, worry still evident on her face.

'He really is going to be ok you know.' Meredith offered, relieved to see a small smile spread back across her face.

'You don't know how much I appreciate hearing that right now Dr Grey.'

'It's Meredith, if you're Carolyn, then I'm meredith, it's my name and you should use it, Dr just sounds so formal and well...my name, its meredith, so you can call me that.'

'Did you breathe once in that sentence?' Carolyn laughed as she watched Meredith take her first sip of her drink.

'I'm sorry, I ramble, a lot, especially when I am nervous, I'm a fool I know!'

'Nervous? Why ever would you be nervous around me? It's not like I'm interviewing you to see if you are perfect for my son...'

'Interview...what...' Meredith spat as she began to choke on her coffee.

_Oh my god she knows._

'Relax, sorry it was just a joke, got to try and find some light relief somewhere in all this mess.' She sighed as Meredith took in the women before her.

'Sorry to be nosey, you can tell me its none of my business if you wish but whose Michael?' Meredith asked, surprised at her question, but sensing that perhaps Mrs Shepherd – Carolyn- needed to talk.

'Hi was, is, always will be the love of my life.' She smiled as she lifted her hand up to her cheek and wiped a lone tear that had escaped.

'Oh crap, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you upset, or to say crap in front of you...crap' Meredith mumbled.

'It's quite ok dear, I've heard worse, 4 daughters and 2 sons tends to prepare you for it. Michael was my husband; he was a neuro surgeon over at Seattle ___Presbyterian Hospital.'_

_'__Dr Michael Shepherd?' Meredith asked before the realisation of what Carolyn was telling her dawned on her. 'Oh.' She sighed as Carolyn continued._

_'__Until I met Michael I don't think I ever believed in love, the thump factor my friends used to call it, the way you feel when you spot someone for the first time and it feels like your heart is literally going to jump out of your chest, with Michael I had that every single day from the moment I met him, even now when I think of him.'_

_'__I'm so sorry...Shepherd...I never made the connection.'_

_'__It's Ok dear, you wouldn't need to make any connections, and Shepherd is a relatively popular name.'_

_'__I don't know what to say, it must have been awful for you.'_

_'__It was, still is, it's still so raw, it's been twenty six years ...and it still hurts as much today as it did when it first happened, and when you called about Derek and the fire, I just couldn't comprehend losing my boy too, it didn't bare thinking of.' She sobbed unable to control her tears now. 'I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be pouring my heart out to you, you're my son's doctor, I'm sorry.'_

_ '__Mrs Shepherd – Carolyn – its fine, really, if you need to talk...'_

___She took a deep breath before continuing._

_'__He was shot for his watch, I saved up for it, and two guys just shot him, because he wouldn't give it up. That's how Michael died. Snatched away from us, robbed of his life. She stuttered as she told the story. 'Derek's still angry, it's understandable.' She sighed as Meredith looked on with tears in her eyes, her heart breaking at the story unfolding before her._

_'__Aren't you?' Meredith asked as her eyes met with Mrs. Shepherd's across the table._

_'__I still can't sleep on his side of the bed, the mattress is wearing unevenly, but no, I'm not angry, not anymore.' She sighed._

_'__Im sorry...I'm so sorry if I scared you when I rang, Derek really wanted you here, I'm sorry for worrying you – on top of everything else you were worried about.'_

_'__It's ok, really, you weren't to know...I'm sorry for turning your coffee break into something so deep, that was never my intention.'_

_'__Its fine, I promise, thank you for sharing with me, thank you.' Meredith smiled as she stood up from the table._

_'__I need to check on your son now, see if he has followed orders and stayed in that bed. Do you want to come back with me?'_

_'__I'd like that, thank you.' She smiled as she stood up and took Meredith by surprise and pulled her into a hug. _

___Meredith had never had so many hugs in one day, she wasn't a tactile person, but when Mrs. Shepherd engulfed her in her welcoming arms, it felt so nice, she was loving, she was a mom, a real mom._

_ '__God wasn't scrimping when he made you dear.'_

_'__Pardon?'_

_'__You are one of life's beauties Meredith, inside and out, I can see that. She smiled as Meredith blushed at her kind words._

_'__Wow, urm...sorry I don't know what to say to that, I don't think anyone has ever said anything so lovely to me.' Meredith smiled, surprised to feel a tear escape her own eyes and fall silently onto her cheek._

_'__You deserve to hear wonderful things Meredith.' She smiled as she reached over and covered Meredith's hand with her own._

___The pair walked side by side back to Derek's room, Mrs. Shepherd asked questions about her residency, how it was going, what her specialty would be – she was interested, genuinely interested. And Meredith did what she did best – she rambled on and on about her love of neuro as Mrs Shepherd looked on intently. _

___Meredith followed Mrs Shepherd back into the room and both women weren't surprised to find Derek sound asleep, his captivating blue eyes hidden from view, one hand rested across his chest, the other up around the back of his head supporting his neck. His head cocked to the side revealing a chiselled jaw line, and enthralling profile that held a story – a broken nose on so many would need fixing, but on him it just worked, it was one of the characteristics that made him who he was._

___And he was striking._

___THUMP THUMP THUMP..._


	8. Chapter 8 chase

Chapter 8

Meredith was impressed with Derek's progress as the day went on, and she could see he was getting restless, his SATS were up to 97% now and he was close to the magic figure she had earlier prescribed! His coughing and breathing had relaxed a lot and it appeared his chest was getting clearer.

She had had her intern listen to his chest and his breath sounds earlier in the day after she had gone back to the room with Mrs Shepherd, she was distracted by...well by him...so there was no way she could get to close. But now as she walked back down the corridor, her intern on her lunch and no one else around she knew she would have to do it herself.

'Good afternoon Sleepy.' She laughed as she walked in the room to see him sound asleep again. She could have let him sleep, but then she would have had to do her tests with an audience and she really didn't want that. She needed him awake, the quicker he passed these tests the quicker he was out of there, and she could stop having the porny thoughts about him.

'He's your patient' she chanted again to herself, her own little mantra now etched in her brain!

'Good afternoon to you to Dr Grey.' He smirked as he lifted himself up in the bed and adjusted his position so he was almost seated.

'You look pleased with yourself?' she asked as she checked his file and made a few adjustments to the IV bags that were hanging to his side.

'it's not every day you sit up in bed without coughing' he laughed as he held out his arm, getting used to the routine as she placed the blood pressure cuff onto his arm.

'Things are certainly starting to look better, you could be out of here tonight if you continue at this rate, and if not first thing tomorrow I'm sure.'

'Oh it had better be tonight.' He grimaced as the cuff grew tighter over his arm.

'Still a wimp I see.' She joked as she took the reading and noted the numbers down on his notes; still a little high, but nothing to worry about.'

'I think it only just went up.' He smirked as his eyes narrowed and she felt his gaze rest upon her. 'Suddenly something got me excited.' He joked as he saw the blush spread firmly across her cheeks.

'how many times do I have to tell you I'm your doctor.; she gasped as she stepped away from the bed and took a gulp from his water jug that was sitting on the side.

'If you discharge me tonight then I won't be anymore.' He pointed out, the edge to his voice evident as Meredith felt herself unsure of how to respond.

'Urm...if...you could...just sit forward...please...yeah sit I need to see your chest...not actually see it, but hear it, yeah, I need to listen to your lungs, which technically has nothing to do with your bare chest but even so...'

'Meredith?'

'Yeah?'

'Are you asking me to take off my shirt?' he winked as he lifted his arms up through his shirt, relieved to feel less pain than earlier.

'You...could havekeptthaton...' she rushed as she placed the cold stethoscope onto his back.

'Jeeez you couldn't have warmed it first?'

'No...Wimp...' she smiled 'take a deep breath in please and hold it...and release slowly...'

'Oh I can take it incredibly slow'

'Mr Shepherd, please...'

'I'm sorry, look go out with me?'

'I can't, your my patient, it's against the rules or whatever.

'Well discharge me then, the quicker you do the quicker I can ask you out!'

'There will be no asking me out, I won't be going out with you.' She sighed as she returned to the job at hand as she moved the stethoscope to the other side and repeated the exam, this time without words, it was easier that way.

'You know I almost died today, yeah I came like this close.' He sighed as he held out his hands to reveal a tiny space between them as Meredith attempted to ignore his words and carry on regardless of his words. how would you feel if I died and you didn't get chance to go out with me?'

'Get over yourself already.'

'Come on...'

'It's the chase...isn't it?

'What?'

'The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself. Why are you so hell bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my patient, you know it's against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It's the chase'

'But its fun isn't it?'

'You see, this is a game to you, but not to me, because unlike you I still have something to prove...' and with that she waltzed out of the room proud of herself for getting the last word.


	9. Chapter 9 NOT A CHAPTER AUTHOR NOTE

Hi

Sorry I haven't replied to often on FF I'm still getting used to how the page works and have just about managed to get the chapters up without working out how to do other things!

I would just like to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who is reading and commenting on my fics at the moment. Your support is appreciated so much and really gives great motivation to keep writing.

My 2 fics if tonight is my last and I don't want you to be alone are my first attempts at fan fic so the support has really helped keep me motivated.

Just a quick note to say there won't really be many (if any updates (for a week as I have a few trips planned and days away so I hope you can stick around till I am back!

Thanks so much once again

Gemma


	10. Chapter 9 SCREAMER

Chapter 9 Screamer

It wasn't just a game.

That was all Derek could think of as he laid in bed waiting for someone to come back and keep him company. His mom had gone over to his place to get him some clean clothes and to collect Nancy who was driving her mother up the wall with an insistence of visiting, Mark seemed to have disappeared and as for Dr Grey – Meredith, she seemed to be avoiding him since their earlier conversation.

It wasn't just a game.

Why he had said it was fun he didn't know. He wanted to date her, care for her...and of course other things...lots of other things, that he was really trying not to think about because that would raise his blood pressure and he would never get out of here!, but he wasn't chasing her to prove a point or to just get one thing. He liked her. It was a strange feeling, like an instant attraction, and the more he lay alone in the hospital room the greater the attraction grew. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her and heard that mesmerizing giggle that she had. She really was beautiful, yet he got the impression she didn't have a clue just how much. The way her hair wisped around her face whether it was loose or up in a pony tail...the strands always escaped and framed her face beautifully. And her eyes, they took his breath away, which wasn't good when you were suffering from smoke inhalation, but their colouring was like nothing he had ever seen before, a light green that sparkled in the light, eyes that held a thousand stories he was sure.

She really was breath taking.

He really wanted her to agree to a date but she was making it pretty obvious that she couldn't date her patient, so he really did need to be able to get up and out of the bed and be discharged! She wouldn't have an excuse then she would have to say yes, wouldn't she?

He had never been the sort of person who chased, who put up a fight to win a girls heart, his last girlfriend had fallen into his lap (literally) and they had kind of just fell into some kind of routine...until she got bored...but he hadn't tried to rescue it not really, his moms famous thump factor story hadn't come true...he had been ready to dismiss the whole theory until meredith had started barking orders above his bed a few hours ago...and then he had been conscious that his heart might actually be visible beating through his chest...maybe his mom wasn't so delusional after all!

He thought of his mom's stories of meeting his dad all those years ago, how her face lit up when she shared stories of how beautiful their love was, how it will always be that way. He remembered back to the anniversary dinners after his death (one just days ago), his mother always making the same promises – that nothing would ever come close to her love for Michael, so why bother looking. She was happy to grow old on her own with her children around her and hold onto her precious memories of her marriage. Every year one of the sisters broached the topic of her loneliness but every year their fears were rebuffed 'she would never be alone with such beautiful memories.'

He wanted that, he wanted to feel the same way about someone in 50 years time as he did today, everyone deserved a happy ending, and he was going to fight like hell for his.

Meredith sat in the tunnels in her familiar quiet spot, ever since she was an intern she had taken solace hiding out down there, of course Alex and Cristina used the space too, but no one else really ever seemed to latch on to it, so it always gave her a chance to escape when she needed to. When she had got down there a few minutes earlier she had been relieved to find it empty, as much as she loved her friends she just needed a few minutes to herself.

Why was he so adamant on asking her out?

Why wouldn't he let it drop?

What was he trying to prove?

She had so many questions running through her head that she actually felt like her head might explode. She needed surgery – anything – to get her mind off Derek, lieutenant shepherd, Mr. shepherd...urgh why did they all sound so porny all of a sudden...every time she said one of the names she pictured his rippling six pack, the beautiful, dazzling blue orbs sparkling at her, his hands cupping her face...

She couldn't shift the thoughts from her head...and she had to! It couldn't happen!

If she was honest though she was surprised he was single, she wasn't blind and the wetness that began to pool between her legs every time she looked at him told her that he was attractive. So how could he be single? Surely lots of girls had fantasies of fire fighters...his amazing body and strong arms carrying them to the bedroom before personal demonstrations of his hose...or poles...or whatever!

Surely she wasn't the only one who thought that...

There was no way he could be single?

'Hey Mer you ok?' Alex asked as he walked up to the gurney she currently occupied.

'What? .' she half smiled as she moved the notes over to make room for Alex to sit.

'Anything good?' he asked motioning to the files.

'Ha I wish, no surgery in almost 5 days, I'm detoxing involuntarily, I'm scalpel deprived I need to cut!'

'What have you got then?'

'Smoke inhalation, Derek, you know the fire fighter who risked his life to save someone else, for the other person to die anyway...he doesn't know yet, Derek, he doesn't know.'

'Derek? First name terms, what is he hot?

Meredith blushed at the way she had mentioned his name, in front of Alex too, this was bad! 'No he isn't hot, he is my patient...and patients can't be hot, because it's against the rules or whatever, so no, he isn't hot, he is a fire-fighter with these amazing arms...crap...but no..Not hot, definitely not.'

'Meredith Grey you like him!'

'Shut up Alex I don't!' she snapped as she hit her friend with his file.

'She who protests too much...'

'Alex I do not like Derek Shepherd!'

'Oh Mer give it up, you talk about him, and he talks about you' Cristina laughed as she joined the rowing pair 'he asked Sloan if you were single, he asked you out...'

'How the hell do you know that?'

'I have my ways. And besides his mother is chatty...'

'You spoke to Mrs Shepherd about me?'

'No...Not technically, she spoke to me about how the beautiful doctor could be her son's soul mate...and I listened, and drank the coffee she bought me!'

'And you said nothing?'

'Well I might have mentioned you had been single for as long as I'd known you and probably needed some!'

'What?'

'Relax I'm kidding, ha... Your face!'

'I hate you...But you had coffee?'

'Yes, just before she left she asked a few questions about you – she is plotting, I like her, she is the kind of the woman I want to be when I grow up, just without all the children invading my uterus!'

'Urgh! I hate this! I do not want to date Derek Shepherd! Just because he is dashingly handsome and has a glint in his eyes that makes me think he will make me scream all night long...does not mean I want to date him!'

'Oh you're so screwed' Cristina laughed

'Almost literally' Alex added as the realisation of what she had just said dawned on her!

'Crap! I need Joes...tonight? We need Joes! Please?' she begged her friends.

'Joes it is...8?' Alex asked as he ran off to the sound of his pager beeping.

'Yeah...I'll show you how much I do not need Derek Shepherd!' Meredith called after him as she gathered up her notes and started to make a move.

'You know if I killed someone you would be the person I'd call to help me drag the dead body across the floor?' Cristina smiled as she walked in unison with Meredith.

'Thanks...I think' Meredith laughed 'but what's your point?'

'my point is if you want to jump him then just give me the nod, go make out his SATS have dropped just so you have a reason to talk to him, I'll guard the door.' Cristina howled as she sprinted off up the corridor away from Meredith before Meredith could retaliate with any level of violence!

'I do not need a reason to talk to Lieutenant Shepherd, if I want to talk to Shepherd, I'll talk to Shep...' she stopped dead in her tracks as she noticed Mark cross her path with a glint in his eye that screamed he had heard it all...

Crap! What the hell was he doing down here!

'Hey dude.' Mark smiled as he walked into Derek's room, relieved to see him sitting up in the bed and looking a hell of a lot better than the last time he saw him.

'Nice of you to call in! I thought you had been chained to the OR table since you disappeared to operate! Must have been a monster surgery.'

'Oh...No...It wasn't.' Mark sighed, anxious of the conversation he was going to have to have with his brother. He walked up closer to the bed and cast an eye over the monitors, his STATS looked good, better, he could handle this...

'Mark what's wrong?'

'I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner, I had a meeting in the tunnels with the new scrub nurse...flexible...' he half smiled as he perched himself on his brothers bed and began to twist his watch in circles around his wrist.

'Trust you.' Derek sighed, eager to know what else was on marks friend, he knew he wasn't here to moan about the fun he had just had that was for sure! And for a man who just got laid he sure looked miserable.

'You're doing better.' Mark half smiled as he pointed to the screen and ran his pen over the chart that formed on the screen. 'Your o2 is up, if you play your cards right you could be out of here tonight.'

'I hope so, then I can work on getting Dr Grey to agree to a date' he laughed as he saw a small smile spread over marks face

'What?'

'Nothing, I will tell you in a minute, but I have to tell you something first.' He sighed as he turned to face his brother, the pain radiating from his eyes.

'Oh my god is it Ma?' He cried as he pushed himself further in the bed and tried to read his brothers face, his breath catching in the back of his throat.

'Oh god man no, sorry, keep calm ok grab the oxygen, don't go backwards.'

'Mark your scaring me, what is it?'

'my patient last night...I lost him, 10 minutes into surgery and his body just gave up right there on the table in front of me...gone.'

'Man I'm sorry,'

'No I'm sorry Derek, you risked your life to save him, you did what you needed to do, and I couldn't keep him alive on the table surrounded by machines.'

'It...The man...in the fire...he...dead?' Derek struggled to say as the room began to suffocate him, the air seeming nonexistent as he battles for more oxygen.

'You've got to breathe Derek, breathe, please.'

Derek held onto his brother's hand as he gasped for air into the mask, his body shaking at the news.

'Deep breathes, slow, look at me man, please...that's it, slow.'

'I'm ok...I'm ok...' he whispered as his breathing began to regulate once again and the monitors began to show his body was calming down again.

'I'm so sorry Derek, I tried I promise you...the injuries were just too severe...'

'I no, I know, it's just so...cruel...this whole world is cruel. When I got him out of there he was breathing, he was alive. He was...alive'

'I no man I'm so sorry, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I needed your sats to have improved, I don't want you stuck in here longer then needs be...you have doctors to date.' He smiled eager to put his brother into a more comfortable place.

'Life is so unfair, he was someone's husband, father, grandfather for all we know...and in a split second all of their lives were changes forever...it's so unfair. If I had just got to him sooner...' He sighed as he lay back on the bed; his eyes closed no longer looking at mark.

Mark knew he would take this badly; he did every time he lost someone in a fire or a crash, and he went into the job to save lives...to give people a chance at the future...

'I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say, but just so you know this wasn't your fault, none of this was your fault. You realised he was still unaccounted for, you got back in there before a doctor had to identify him from his dental x rays alone. As horrible as this is, you gave his family a chance to say goodbye...that was you...you gave them that.' He said as he placed his hand onto Derek's forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

'Thanks Mark...thanks...' as he opened his eyes and saw a look of worry rested across his face.

'They got to say goodbye?'

'They did, and that was on you, you're a hero in their eyes, mine too.'

The two brothers sat in silence a few moments, both sets of eyes fixed firmly on the monitors as levels began to level out once again, and his breathing became more stable.

'It's a good job Dr Grey didn't witness any of this, she would never discharge you later if she saw that slump.'

'Don't tell her, I need to get out of here.'

'Why because you want in her scrubs?'

'once a man whore, always a man whore...I do not want in her scrubs, not right away anyway...but I do want to take her out on a date, and that's not going to happen whilst I'm stuck in here...and she's stubborn, I have no clue if it will happen after either...but I'll try'

'Oh it will happen trust me' mark laughed as he stood up from the bed and walked towards the door as his pager began to beep.

'Trust you?'

'Yes Dr Grey protests too much, for this one thing trust me...' he smirked

'What do you know? Derek shouted as Mark continued his walk from the room.

'not now man, facelift to do...lives to change...but I promise you this...she thinks you will make her scream...' he laughed as he shot off down the corridor leaving Derek in a daze.

She was a screamer?


	11. Chapter 10 tequila

Chapter 10 – tequila...

He would be able to go home soon. Today in fact if his STATS continued to improve at the rate they had since the morning. It was silly to clog up a bed with a patient who now really needed nothing more than bed rest, in his own bed, surrounded by his own familiar belongings. The majority of patients who frequented the hospital all said the same thing – when they were in the comfort of their own home they instantaneously felt better, a 7 became a 5, a 5 became a 3, a 3 became a 1 the minute they walked through their front door. She could probably discharge him within the next few hours as long as he had someone to monitor him at home and make sure he didn't go off saving lives again for a while and took things easy. He wouldn't have to be her patient anymore, she could say goodbye to him...

But if he didn't have anyone to prevent him sliding down poles or rescuing cats from trees or whatever then he should stay, definitely stay, if his mom was tied up with her own thing or mark was caught up in surgery then it would mean he would be alone for a large proportion of the night and that wouldn't be good, not at all, his oxygen levels could fall in the night, his body could still get a secondary infection from the high levels of carbon dioxide that had been running through his veins, he could collapse, feint, anything...so if there was no one at home then he definitely needed to stay...

So she could look after him?

This was the inner battle Meredith was having with herself as she began the familiar walk back to Derek's room. The corridor seemed narrower than before as she fought with her feelings over Lieutenant Shepherd's discharge yet she was grateful it was empty as she felt sure that people would be able to read her mind if they passed her, the confusion was written all over her face. As she was in touching distance of his open door she paused and leant on the wall for a second.

If he left the hospital she could forget about him, she could carry on exactly the way things were before he arrived, if he left though, which he would do at some point, then she would no longer be his doctor, she would have no reason not to accept his offer of a date, dinner...more..., but if he stayed then she could still stare into those pools of blue daily and have a glance of the rippling physique she knew was under his grey t shirts that he seemed to be obsessed with wearing and she could keep him at arm's length.

She was driving herself crazy Doctors don't date patients.

Izzie had found that out the hard way and been sacked on the spot for her indecent behaviour with Denny Duquette a couple of years earlier when she was an intern. She had ignored the pleas and fears of her closest friends to follow her heart and not her head and in an instant had her surgical career at Seattle Grace whipped out from underneath of her, all for a cheap frill in his bed. It had been drilled into them since then, her career was her life, she couldn't have anything or anyone jeopardising her dreams...

But what about ex patients...?

'Grey what is with the snail like stroll, do you need more work?' the familiar sound of Miranda Bailey broke her thoughts as she turned to face the women who was fast becoming her mentor (not that she would admit that to her face), not mentor in terms of the surgical field she wished to take, but mentor in the way she remained so focussed on her career, so determined, she strived to be the very best, and she was succeeding. She had the respect of everyone in the hospital, and that was what Meredith wanted more than anything.

She wanted to be the Grey everyone thought of when they heard the name, she wanted to outshine her mother, because deep down she knew that was exactly what her mother would want.

There was no second place in this game.

Only the best.

_Be an extraordinary women Meredith..._

'It's just taken you a good 7 minutes to walk exactly 130 metres so if you are trying to kill time I'm sure I could arrange something...'

'I have plenty to keep me busy, I'm just heading in to check on Lieutenant Shepherd, I think we can say goodbye to our local celebrity in a few hours and then I'm scrubbing in on a shunt with Nelson before an evening of tequila and...More tequila at Joe's, you should come you know, if you're not too busy, yeah, you should definitely come.' She smiled as she saw Miranda's face relax before her.

'You want me, to go drinking with you and the other lazy good for nothing interns I had to put up with for long enough?'

'We aren't interns any more. Besides Alex might actually behave and stick around for the evening if you are there, he won't dare mess around in your presence, which means I wouldn't have to listen to Chantal or Crystal or whatever her name may be scream into the early hours...'

'I may take you up on that offer grey, I haven't been out of this place for a long time, and I don't seem to be everyone's first choice drinking partner.'

'And imagine the look on Alex's face when he realises he has to remain in his booth all night like a good little boy, it will be priceless.'

'You're on, thanks Grey, I appreciate it.'

'No worries, 8 o clock, Joes, right across the street, and if the shunt runs late then Cristina and Alex will already be in there.'

'See you then.' Bailey smiled as she headed off to check on her own patients as Meredith took a deep breath and headed into her Derek's room.

'That's nice dear that you get to escape the hospital for a few hours.' Mrs Shepherd spoke as she looked up from the magazine she was reading as she noticed Meredith walk in.

'Sorry, what?'

'Oh I'm sorry dear u didn't mean to listen in, but the echo around this place beats any cave, drinks tonight with your friends that sounds nice.'

'Oh yeah, it will be.' She smiled as she allowed her eyes to fall on a sleeping Derek. 'It's not that often we are all off on the same evening, so tequila, cheap bar food and a juke box usually results in an interesting night.'

'Joe's is that a friends place?' Mrs Shepherd asked as she watched Meredith note down readings off the machines and begin to take down the empty fluid bag that had been hanging next to her son's bed.

'No its the bar across the street, a homage to most interns in their first year, and a place for residents' to escape to once we make it out of the hell that is our first year.' Meredith smiled as she continued to record the necessary results.

'I don't mean to pry with all my questions, please forgive me.'

'Its fine honestly, its conversation, it's nice...or whatever.'

'How is he?'

'Good, really good considering what he went through, honestly you might be able to take him home tonight.' Meredith smiled as felt a warm glow rush over her as she saw the relief flood out of the elder women's body.

'Really? He is ok? But what about the machines? The oxygen? Can he breathe?'

'his STATS are stable at 99%, he is breathing taking in a regular level of oxygen and expelling the carbon dioxide just as we would expect to see after breathing in smoke and dust like your son did. I'm going to have to wake him in a moment and have him monitored for the next couple of hours without all of these' she smiled as she pointed over to the machines that filled the space along one side of Derek's bed 'and as long as there is no sudden dip in any of these levels then there is no reason for him to stay. He might as well be at home being spoilt by you.'

'Oh he won't come back to my house, that I'm certain of, to independent for his own good that one. But I will stay with him, or Mark, I just can't believe he can go home.'

'if his levels remain stable.' Meredith reiterated as Mrs Shepherd moved closer and wrapped her arms around Meredith

'I know I've already said it but thank you, thank you for saving my boy.' She stuttered as Meredith noticed the tears building in her eyes.

'He really is going to be ok.' She reassured.

'I believe you Dr Grey, I really do, thank you. I'm going o have to go and ring his sisters before they all swoop down on the place, I'll go and put them off. He is coming home...' she smiled as she moved out of the room, before stopping and inconspicuously leaning on the door frame and watching Meredith rouse her son from his sleep with her smile on her face.

'Hey Sleepy you need to wake up if you plan on getting out of here anytime soon.' Meredith whispered as she tapped Derek on the arm in an attempt to wake his from his sleep.

'out? What?' he croaked as he opened his eyes and saw his favourite view leaning over his bed.

'you are making excellent progress and as long as it remains that way over the next couple of hours without any help from any of these machines, then you're out of here.' She smiled as she took his hand in her own and prepared to remove the needle that had allowed the anti biotics to drip directly into his veins.

'I need to remove this and start you on an oral anti biotic to prevent any secondary infections sweeping in and attacking your system, but as its highly unlikely, as long as you demonstrate good lung capacity on the next 4 peak flows that will happen over the next 2 hours then I think you will get to spend tonight in your own bed.'

'So I'm out of here?' he smirked before wincing as the needle was removed from the back of his hand.

'As long as your breathing remains stable and you have someone who can stay with you the next few nights then yes you are out of here.'

'Are you free?'

'Pardon?'

'To look after me.' He smirked as he noticed the blush spread across her cheeks.

'Mark or your mother will only be too glad to help, or one of the 300 hundred sisters it appears you have.' She shot back as she reached for his notes and made a few more scribbles inside.

The minute she had walked in the room she had awaken his senses, the beautiful lavender smell had infiltrated his nostrils and he had fought with his eye lids preying that they would remain closed so he could listen in on the conversation between his mother and his doctor. Except it now seemed that she wouldn't be his doctor in a few hours time, she would be this incredibly beautiful women who he could ask out and date without any fears hanging over her head, she couldn't resist for much longer, could she?

And she was going to Joes where ever that was to drink tequila, he didn't see that one coming, wine maybe, beer was a high possibility, but tequila, that as hardcore, he was impressed, and if he got his own way, he was going to Joes too, mark would break, he knew it and just maybe he would get to buy her that tequila.

'I have surgery shortly so I will have someone else come in to check in on your progress, as long as nothing changes you will be discharged, and that's likely to be when I'm still in the OR, so good luck with everything.' She smiled as she headed to the door, hanging onto her professionalism by a thread.

'Dr Grey?'

'Yes?'

'Tequila's no good for you. It doesn't call, doesn't write, not nearly as much fun to wake up to.' he smirked as she became rooted to the spot, her body a statue as his words washed over her.

He heard?


	12. Chapter 11 PART 1 JOES

**Chapter 11 Part 1 Joes**

Derek was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for his mom and Mark to come and collect him. He was getting out of there and he couldn't have been happier.

As soon as they arrived and his discharge papers were in his hand then he would no longer be a patient of Meredith Grey and he could work his ass off to try and get her to agree to a date. He hadn't seen her again since his mention of the tequila and he had no idea if she had remained in surgery or if she had just decided it was easier to avoid him completely; his comment had definitely affected her – her reaction made that clear. But what he didn't know was if it was good or bad!

However getting out of there was the easy part, it was getting late, the early evening sun had turned to dusk and night time was drawing in and it made sense for him to go straight home to bed and rest. But she was at Joes, drinking tequila, and just maybe losing some of her will power, and he had to be there, just to see if he stood any chance away from the hospital – he had to try. He wouldn't even drink, not that a scotch wouldn't hit the spot, but the medication he was on to prevent any further complications prevented him from drinking during the course of the treatment so he would just have to do it sober, it hadn't stopped him trying from his hospital bed, so it wouldn't stop him in the bar either!

Mark wouldn't be a problem, a quiet word in his brother's ear would have him all but carrying him straight into the bar, it was his mother he had to worry about. How could he persuade her that an evening in a bar was the best medicine for a recovering smoke inhalation patient who had only just been discharged? He knew it was crazy, she would think it was crazy too but he had to persuade her, it was either that or revert to his adolescent years and put some of his fire fighter skills to the test and shimmy down the drain pipe outside his bedroom window, but the thought of that didn't exactly appeal!

He couldn't believe how much his thoughts had been taken over by Meredith. She mesmerized him, and the fact that she was stubborn and hard work made the chase even more appealing! Not that it was just the chase, it really wasn't! There was something so captivating about her, and for the first time in his life he appreciated the stories his mother told him, about the feelings she had when she first laid eyes on his father, the thump, the connection, he knew he definitely felt something, and he wasn't entirely convinced that Meredith hadn't felt it too!

'Hey man ready to break out of this joint?' Mark laughed as he came into the room and broke Derek from his thoughts.

'Never been more ready for anything in my life.' Derek joked as he stood up from the bed, still a little unsteady on his feet but determined not to show it.

'Whoa no standing, doctors orders, mom is tracking down a wheel chair – hospital rules, it's the chauffeured route out of here for you!'

'I'm fine, I can walk.'

'I know that, and you know that, however if Bailey so much as catches a glimpse of you walking down that corridor it's my balls that will be on the line, and I'm quite fond of my junk so I'd like to keep it in working order, so chair it is!'

'Well if you're making me do that then I need a favour, or your help to get mom to take a little detour on the way home.' Derek smiled, a look of tomfoolery routed firmly across his face.

'Detour? I'm going to need a few more details if you want me to agree to anything!'

'Really? Think I'll walk out of here then and give Bailey a call on the way...'

'Man don't hurt the jewels, enough already, what's the favour, spill!'

'Do you agree to it though, whatever it may be?'

'If it means I can get laid later tonight by Debbie the scrub nurse in plastics, then yes, I don't exactly feel like being admitted to have my balls removed from my intestines!'

'I need to go to Joe's.' He smirked and as soon as the words were out of his mouth Mark realised exactly what Derek was saying.

'Joe's, really? A bar you have never visited in your life and you probably didn't even know existed till today? That's the detour you really must take?'

'It is.'

'And could this be because a certain Doctor will be off duty sinking a tequila or five with her friend's right about now?'

'What? How did you know?'

'The walls have ears in this place, and I may have over heard Meredith and her friends talking earlier when I was otherwise occupied.'

'So Joe's? Can you put an injured fire fighter out of his misery and help him?'

'You know you don't have to ask me twice, it's a miracle you are even chasing someone, this is a side of you I haven't seen since high school prom when you were a geek and desperate!'

'I am not desperate, not now, there is just something, I can't put my finger on it, but I'm not prepared to stop trying, I'm taking a leaf out of mom's book.'

'But mom's book is all romance, flowers, dating and love!'

'Exactly, there is more to chasing someone then getting in their pants, there are these things called relationships that people tend to fall into when they know it feels right.'

Mark look puzzled at his brothers comments.

'Relationships mark, where couples talk and communicate and see each other regularly, and more importantly have eyes only for each other!'

'I don't understand!' he laughed 'why would anyone only want one person for the rest of their lives when the world is an ocean.'

'I'll remind you of that fact on your wedding day.' Derek joked.

'the day I get married is the day hell freezes over, I don't settle down, hell I don't even see girls twice if I can help it, unless they are adventurous, then they may get a second outing!'

'Enough already, I don't need the sordid details of your sex life, what I need is for you to persuade mom that a drink in Joe's is the perfect way to celebrate my release.'

'Leave it with me. I'm starving aren't you; a bit of bar food would be perfect before heading back? I bet mom is hungry too and won't feel like cooking. I'll find mom to ask her' He smirked as Derek realised he didn't need to worry dreaming up his own plan; he had his very own master right in front of him.

'Ask mom what?' Mrs Shepherd enquired as she came into the room clutching the piece of paper that was Derek's ticket out of there.

'if my favourite mother would like to be treated to be dinner at the bar across the road from here, you must be exhausted after waiting on Derek whilst he has been in here, the last thing you need is to go home and slave over a hot oven at this time of night.' He smiled as he embraced his mother in his arms and threw Derek a cheeky wink over her shoulder.

'Mark Sloan have you lost your mind? Derek needs to get home and rest, why on earth would we even consider taking him to a smoke filled bar for him to inhale others peoples fumes!' she shouted as she pulled herself out of her sons embrace.

'mom don't you keep up with the news, Seattle has been smoke free for the past six months, the only smoke in Joes will be outside in the designated area, Derek wouldn't even have to pass it to get inside.'

Derek found himself smiling to himself as he watched Mark at work, he was good he had to give him that, his mother would have no come back to that, he could see her brain working to think of a plausible reason why Derek shouldn't go, but she was faltering, he could red his mother well.

'but..What...there might be...'

'Ma, he has been stuck in here, he can't even drink, the least we can do for him is give him the food of his choice, and a little fun.'

'Derek dear, how do you feel? You don't need to feel pressured by your brother to go out just because he probably had his eye on some doe eyed little thing who thinks he is God!'

'Ma, do you really think so little of me.' Mark interrupted as he saw Derek begin to laugh. Derek was the innocent one in his mother's eyes, this was perfect, and she would never expect it to be Derek who actually wanted to chase after the girl! But doe eyed she wasn't, stubborn, mesmerizing and beautiful, that summed her up so much better!

'I honestly feel ok Ma, I promise you, and a change of scenery would be good before you have me confined to my bed again.' He smiled 'besides imagine if the doe eyed little thing turned out to be the girl who tamed Mark Sloan, it would be all down to you.'

Mark looked on at the exchange between mother and son, Derek was good, he had obviously learned from the best!

'Dinner, just dinner, however what sort of food a bar serves I really can't imagine, if my food comes in a basket or On paper then I'm out of there!' Mrs Shepherd laughed as she handed Derek his discharge papers.

His eyes fell on the signature at the bottom of the paper

Dr Meredith Grey... so she had been back to sign his papers but she hadn't called in to say goodbye... at that moment he had a feeling he could do this, he had ruffled Meredith's feathers and he was going to get her to agree to a date, her absence spoke louder than any mega phone, she was interested.

The game just got a whole lot more interesting.

Meredith was just downing her third shot of tequila when Alex, Cristina and Bailey arrived. She had been surprised to find the bar relatively empty when she first walked in, and even more surprised to find that her friends weren't there! But then again she was twenty minutes early. The surgery hadn't lasted as long as she expected after everything went to plan, and she quickly signed off on Derek's discharge papers after she was informed his STATS had improved once again and took the decision to get out of there and not hand them over to him herself. The last thing she needed was him making her feel like a twelve year old girl again with her first crush! She knew it was rather rude of not to even say good bye, he was her patient after all for the duration of his stay but whenever she was in close proximity to him she felt like something had taken over her body, her cheeks flushed, palpitations had her heart practically jumping out of her chest and she had never experienced anything like it before! She didn't fall for people, she didn't get close to people, and no one ever showed her any kind of attention – unless they were planning on using her

This was new.

Mrs Shepherds famous thump factor at work again and he wasn't even in the dam room!

'When you said a drink Grey I didn't realise you meant you were actually taking out shares in Jose's.' Bailey laughed as she sat herself down on the stool next to Meredith.

'Oh you haven't seen anything yet, she will be swinging off the chandeliers and giving her best coyote ugly impression soon enough.' Alex joked as he too took a seat at the bar and motioned for service from Joe.

'I will not.' Meredith protested.

'Oh this is going to be an experience, I don't know if I will ever look at you again in the same light if you do that Grey.' Bailey laughed as she accepted the drink Joe placed in front of her.

'Meredith plus Tequila equals a stressed Meredith in my opinion.' Cristina noted as she took the seat to the left of Meredith. 'I'm guessing those three tequilas were sunk in approximately 7 minutes which means she will either need carrying to a taxi, or her stomach pumped in the next hour!'

'I am here.' Meredith motioned as she reached for the next shot now waiting for her at the bar.

'Really, we didn't notice you there little miss lime and salt!' Cristina laughed as she watched Meredith throw the shot back like a pro before asking Joe for another.

'Oh holy mother of God if you can't beat them join them!' Bailey laughed as she finished her own vodka and asked for another too. 'I will hold you three personally responsible for the state of my hangover tomorrow and if I puke more than three times I will ensure you are stuck on rectals for a month.'

'Joe cut the lady off after four, there's no way I'm spending my days with my fingers firmly placed up someone's...'

'Enough. There will be no talk of fingers up anywhere, or puke, or patients or anything! There will be drinking, lots of drinking.' Meredith interrupted.

'Who mentioned patients...Oh what did you do? Cristina laughed as she heard the hesitation in Meredith's voice.

'I didn't dooo anything.' Meredith slurred slightly as the effects of the liquor began to slowly flood her veins and make her feel slightly more floaty then she had a few moments ago.

'Then what's with the tequila race, you might as well set it up in an IV and be done with it!'

'I just feel like drinking, do I need a reason? I have no work tomorrow, it is my first day off in, well what feels like forever, so I'm reacquainting myself with my good friend Jose, I'm sure he has missed me!' she laughed.

'Oh she has definitely done something.' Alex whispered to Bailey, who threw Meredith a curious glance to try and make out what it could possibly be that had led her to her tequila marathon.

'This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain fire fighter would it?' Cristina asked, three pairs of eyes fixed firmly on Meredith for her reaction.

'I hope it hasn't.' Bailey interrupted 'he is your patient and doctors don't date patients, or jump them in their beds for the rest of the floor to see, Izzie learnt that lesson so I hope I'm not about to hear something I really shouldn't!.'

'technically he isn't her patient any more you know, he was awaiting discharge about half an hour ago, so right about now he should be a free man from the hospital meaning Mer could do whatever she wanted with him without breaking any kind of rules. So she could screw him!' Alex pointed out.

'breaking them no, but bending them in such a way that it could still be considered wrong, then yes, awaiting discharge and already planning his route to her bed.' Bailey gasped.

'Am I invisible?' Meredith shouted as she stood up from her bar stool and turned to face her friends. 'I am not plotting to get anyone into my bed, just because Lieutenant Shepherd is...'

'Mer... .'

'Incredibly handsome, has eyes that would melt the iciest of hearts...'

'Mer you might want to st...'

'Quit cutting me off just because he has the thickest, most beautiful hair I have ever seen on a man...

'Mer really you want to think about stopping right about now!'

'No you're doing it again... it does not mean that I want to screw him.

Not now...

Not ever...'

_'That's a shame just when this was looking like a good place to hang out...'_


	13. Chapter 12 Marker tecnically 11 pt 2!

_**Chapter 12 marker**_

'_No you're doing it again... it does not mean that I want to screw him._

_Not now..._

_Not ever...' _

'_That's a shame just when this was looking like a good place to hang out...'_

Meredith stood frozen to the spot, as his words swept over her and the familiarity in the voice behind her sank in, afraid to turn around and face the person she knew would be standing there,

What the hell was he doing here, he was sick…kind of, and a bar was most definitely not the right place for someone suffering smoke inhalation…she was amazed that he had the energy to even walk through the door after what his body had gone through, it had to be marks doing, thinking with his penis instead of his brain was a usual occurrence for a certain Dr Sloan…she made a mental note to pull him up on his stupidity next time she saw him, or even better set Bailey loose on him, after all she was witnessing this, support in numbers and all that!

'Tequila isn't it?' he laughed as he moved closer and allowed the side of his arm to brush against hers as he sat himself on the bar stool that Meredith had vacated.

Meredith gazed open mouthed at the sight of him…clean shaven (not that she hadn't minded the stubble that had fuzzed up on his face the last two days!), his jet black hair moussed to perfection, a freshly ironed red shirt covering the muscles of his chest that she knew were underneath…his blue eyes sparkling in the dimly lit bar…

'What are you doing here?' Meredith snapped as she threw her hands onto her hips and glared down at him as he flashed his dazzling smile over at her and their eyes locked, neither blinking as the stared one another down.

'We'll just…be...over there…' Alex motioned as he led Bailey away from the bar before glancing back and realising Cristina was still stood watching the charade unfold.

'Cristina.' He shouted as he took hold of her arm and began to drag her away.

'What are you doing, are you crazy, this is just getting good.' She laughed as Alex continued to move her and deposited her in a booth at the back of the bar. '$50 says she knocks him out.'

'$50 says she accepts a date.' A voice no one recognised came out of nowhere before a face Cristina had seen before appeared at the side of the booth.

'Mrs Shepherd, oh I'll take your bet, and your money.' Cristina chuckled as Mrs Shepherd threw her a mischievous little wink.

'Count me in.' Mark laughed as he joined the audience '$50 says their lips lock! My brother has learnt from the best, he has to be successful eventually, I mean, I, always getting my end…'

'Mark Sloan do not even think about finishing that sentence!' Mrs. Shepherd gasped as she reached ahead and struck him across the head, a move that left Alex, Cristina and Bailey giggling away and Mark massaging his temple with his palm.

It wasn't long before all Five pairs of eyes…Bailey, Alex, Cristina, Mrs Shepherd and Mark all turned their attention to the pair at the bar. Derek still sitting on the bar stool, Meredith still rooted to the spot, their gaze still locked….

'What the hell are you doing here? I discharged you no less than an hour ago…and the first place you chose to visit is a bar…?'

'My mother is exhausted after the last two days so the last things she needed was to go home and slave over a hot stove, so we are grabbing a quick dinner before heading home.'

'And which part of this conversation constitutes dinner?

'Well none of it, but we need menu's…and I spotted you over here and thought I would say thank you for all of your help in the hospital, is an ex patient not allowed to be grateful these days Meredith?'

The way he said her name caused goose bumps to attack her skin, the way he ran his tongue over the syllables of her name intensified the desire that was creeping over her body.

'We.'she stuttered as she thanked god she had gone with the long sleeve shirt and not the t shirt she had toyed with wearing, at least her excitement was not visible to him.

'Ma, Mark and Myself.' He said as he turned slightly on the stool and pointed to the back of the room.

Meredith followed his extended arm and felt the blush quickly spread over her cheeks as she felt the five pairs of eyes bearing into her…

'Are you crazy? You need to be in bed, resting have you any idea what your body has been through?' Meredith snapped 'less than 48 hours ago you couldn't even say hello without depositing mucus at my feet, and now here you are within minutes of being released …eating dinner! You must be crazy, did you bang your head?'

'Crazy for you, yeah maybe, but crazy generally, then no, that isn't a way I've been described before!'

'Urgh, crazy for you, does that kind of claptrap actually work? Did mark put you up to this? What did he tell you about the tunnels?'

'Tunnels? What are you talking about? And you accuse me of crazy' he laughed as he saw the confusion fall across her face. 'I wouldn't know. If the clap trap works, I never usually try it…' He smirked as he grabbed the bar tenders attention and ordered himself a water, and a tequila!

'I don't want it.' Meredith huffed from behind Derek as he ordered the drinks.

'Who said it's for you.' He laughed before pushing it along the bar and leaving it in front of the vacant stool next to him.

"I'm not going out with you." She explained as she sat herself down on the stool and ran her finger around the rim of the glass.

"Did I just ask you to go out with me? Do you want to go out with me?" he smiled as he watched Meredith out of the corner of his eye as she toyed with the idea of drinking the shot in front of her.

"I'm not dating you and I'm definitely not sleeping with you. You're my patient." She reiterated again as she picked up the shot glass and allowed the liquor to infiltrate her system.

'This discharge paper says otherwise.' He smirked as he laid it out on the bar between their two glasses and pointed to her signature that adorned the bottom of it.

'You're sexually harassing me!' she spat as she slammed the glass back down on the bar.

'I'm sitting on a bar stool.' He protested as he took a sip of his water.

"Look, I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line." Meredith moaned as she spun on the stool so she was now facing Derek's side.

"So, this line. Is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker?" Derek asked as he turned to face Meredith, their faces within inches of each other.

Meredith had no idea what came over her, but the minute she felt him turn towards her she leapt forwards on the stool, dropped her bag onto the floor and allowed her lips to collide with his. Her hands headed straight to his hair, the curiously of what it would feel to run her fingers through quickly answered as his thick tresses moved effortlessly through her fingers as they traced along the lines of his scalp.

He reciprocated her moves; the split second initial shock was quickly dissolved as he deepened the kiss and pulled her closer to him on the stool, his tongue darting into her open crevasse, their lips crashing together repeatedly as his own hands moved around to the small of her back and caressed her skin through her lavender shirt, running his fingers along each vertebrae as he felt her shiver in his arms and let out a small moan, well at least he thought it was her!

Her own hands moved down from his hair, and ran long the bare skin that escaped at the nape of his neck, before moving down and resting her palms on his chest, his heart beat pulsating below them as the kiss intensified, their lips never leaving one another as her tongue fought his for access into his mouth.

'woooooooooo, woop wooop.' The cheers from the back of the bar were enough to spring the couple apart as Mark jumped up his palm held out to collect his winnings from an un-amused Cristina and Mrs Shepherd sat with a very content smile on her face as she watched the scene unfold…

Meredith held her fingers to her lips, tingling from the excitement they had just experienced as she stood back away from the stool, and out of Derek's grasp. A small smile fell onto his own lips as he tried to catch Meredith's eye, but to no avail, as she bent down to gather up the contents of her bag that had scattered across the floor and turned to flee the bar…

'We'll talk later?''


	14. Chapter 13 Shoes

**Chapter 13 shoes**

'Stupid, corny, idiotic son of a…I can't believe he did that!' they were the only words meredith could think as she fled the bar and hopped into a taxi back to her house, apart from the fact she had made a fool of herself, he had been there looking so dreamy, and saying things and she had kissed him!

She had kissed him!

After everything she had said about not dating a patient, or kissing one, after trying harder than ever to stop the dirty, porny thoughts that filled her mind…she had gone against all of it. After everything she had made the first move, he had witnesses, and he definitely held the upper hand.

Of course he had responded, he hadn't pushed her away, that would have been mortifying! Yet she couldn't even pretend it hadn't happened as the rowdy rabble had been focused on them the whole time, half the hospital probably knew by now!

As the taxi pulled up outside the house she was ever so grateful that she had left her friends in the bar, the ripple of their laughter still ringing in her ears. She needed to lock herself away, pretend it didn't happy, forget it…she definitely needed to forget it, she wouldn't need to see him again really anyway. She wasn't that attached to Joe's, so what it was close to the hospital and all her friends drank there, she could make new friends, find new places to drink, places far away from fire fighters with hypnotizing blue orbs that sparkled when he smiled.

She ran straight up the stairs and threw herself on the bed, throwing her head under the pillow and desperately trying to block out the thoughts of earlier.

To no avail….

When her lips had met with his…the electricity that had ran through her body and made her nerves tingle like never before, the way his fingertips swept through her hair and stimulated her scalp had caused her skin to pucker up in goose bumps, when he had traced the length of her spine her whole body had felt ready to explode! And don't even get her started on his tongue, it had fought admission into her crevasse and she had granted him access, she hadn't even put up a fight….

'arghhhhhhh' she screamed to herself as she flung the pillow from the bed and sat herself upright, before leaning over to the CD player and turning it on, she couldn't cope with the silence, silence meant her brain had too much time to think, and thinking was the last thing she needed. She smiled to herself as the music filled the room and the beats of Florence and the Machine filled the room.

How fitting she thought as The Drumming Song burst into life.

_There's a drumming noise inside my head  
That starts when you're around  
I swear that you could hear it  
It makes such an all mighty sound_

She pulled herself up from the bed and began to dance around in time to the music, encompassing the lyrics and laughing to herself as she tried to convince herself that they did not sum up what she was feeling.

_There's a drumming noise inside my head  
That throws me to the ground  
I swear that you should hear it  
It makes such an all mighty sound_

As she continued to sway in time to the music she felt more serious as she tried to ignore the thumping from deep within her chest every time she thought of Derek, and especially the thumping that had caused her heart to practically force its way through her skin earlier when her lips had collided with his, her mind wandered back to the words Mrs Shepherd had spoken to her days earlier… _the thump factor my friends used to call it, the way you feel when you spot someone for the first time and it feels like your heart is literally going to jump out of your chest, with Michael I had that every single day from the moment I met him, even now when I think of him._

___It didn't happen every time she saw him…did it?_

_Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell_

As she hopped from foot to foot, she threw her head back and really began to dance, there was no thump…there was no thump….

'What on earth are you doing?'

Meredith stopped dead in her tracks as the familiar voice of her best friend filled the air. As the song continued as she turned to face the amused sound of her friend's laughter. A beaming Cristina stood leaning on the door frame taking in the scene before her.

'So throwing yourself at fire-fighters turns you into some kind of ballerina.' She questioned

'I am not a ballerina…and I did not throw myself at him!' Meredith protested as Cristina walked over to the CD player and began messing with buttons. 'Mark Sloan is currently $150 richer after watching your display, so forgive me for disagreeing, you threw yourself at him, admit it!' she laughed as she took in the look that had spread across Meredith's face – this was new, she hadn't seen it before…

'You're falling for him?'

'I am not!'

'Oh you poor thing!'

'I am not falling for him, now turn that back up!' she demanded as she began to dance around once again in silence before cristina agreed and flicked the volume up and joined her friend in jumping around, both displaying very little rhythm and laughing in unison as they took in the sight of one another.

'So remind me again why we are dancing?'

'We are dancing it out!' Meredith laughed as she grabbed Cristina by the hand and span her around.

'Dancing makes you brave.' Cristina retaliated as she spun on her toes before crashing down onto Meredith's bed and pulling her friend alongside her.

The pair stared at the ceiling in silence as they caught their breath before Cristina broke the silence.

'Was he good? He looks like he would be good?'

'I haven't slept with him!'

'I know…but we all witnessed that kiss, you might as well have ripped his clothes on there and then…!'

'There will be no ripping of anybody's clothes!'

'But you kissed him!'

'Yes thank you for stating the obvious Cristina, I kissed him, once, it means nothing!'

'Keep telling yourself that Mer, keep telling yourself!'

___Derek returned to the table when it was obvious Meredith wasn't going to return…for a split second he had hoped she might turn on her heels and run back into the bar for more, he could still feel her lips on his, the intense feelings he had experienced when she moved closer and crashed her lips into his was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. Even in its firmness and its urgency it had felt different…their mouths had fit together like the last two pieces of a jigsaw…perfect! And now, in the few minutes since she had fled his lips felt naked, bare, they were missing something, he had to feel them again._

___As he sat down next to a bemused mark, he noticed the other doctor why had treated him, Yang, if he remembered right, make her excuse's and leave, that left him alongside his mother, brother and two pairs of eyes he thought were familiar but he couldn't quite name._

_'__Romeo I think you know Meredith's boss Dr Miranda Bailey, and this is the guy who might as well be her brother Alex Karev.' Mark pointed out as Derek felt the blush spread over his cheeks as he felt their eyes bearing into him as he held his hand out to shake their hands as they stood up from the table._

_'__It's nice to meet you.' Alex smiled as he leaned into Derek and whispered 'Hurt her and I will kill you.'_

_'__What?' he protested as Alex moved past the fire-fighter and threw him a look to make him know he was serious._

_'__Well I will be leaving, since mark fleeced me for every penny with his last minute bet.' Miranda called as she headed out of the bar with Alex._

_'__Bet?'_

_'__Your brother here was just offering to pay for dinner!' Mrs Shepherd smiled as she winked over at Derek, 'he had a sudden windfall and he promised to treat us.'_

_'__Great I could murder a steak!' Derek laughed as he motioned over the barmaid to the table to place his order._

___Derek did his best to avoid the conversation that his mother and mark were desperate to have. Meredith had kissed him and as much as he enjoyed it, he was confused; she had kissed him, really kissed him. But then she had fled, she had run so fast out of there and he hadn't followed her. Had she wanted him too? Did she flee to see if he was man enough to follow? _

___Surely not? _

___Crap!_

___Had he messed up!_

_'__Derek…Derek!'_

___His thought returned to the table as his mother banged her glass on the table and called his name louder this time to grab his attention._

_'__What?'_

_'__We have been talking away for the past ten minutes, and you were miles away. I was beginning to panic.'_

_'__Bit too much for one day I guess!' He shrugged as he finished his glass of water and let out a huge yawn across the table._

_'__Too much tongue wrestling? Yeah it's exhausting that!' mark laughed as he stood and made his way to the bar to settle the bill before leaving._

___Mrs Shepherd moved up on the seat and motioned for Derek to move to join her. He responded at once and rested his head on her shoulder, his body now admitting its exhaustion. _

_'__So she kissed you?'_

_'__Ma not now please, I ache, I'm exhausted, and just…not now.'_

_'__She's lovely.' Mrs Shepherd smiled as she ran her hand over her son's cheek. _

_'__Ma!'_

_'__I'm sorry, I can't help it, when you know, you just know.'_

___Derek didn't reply, instead he closed his eyes and waited for his brother to return, hoping his silence would deter his mother from continuing._

___She respected his silence and finished her drink, soothing her sons head as he rested his eyes a few minutes later._

_'__So man….. What does this mean?' _

_'__Urgh….' Derek moaned._

___Meredith was dreading work, like actually thinking that losing a limb or waking up bald would be better than this! She was driving herself crazy, she didn't have to avoid his room, or make excuses to not be around to see him discharged! He wasn't her patient, he wasn't in the hospital, and she wouldn't be staring at him as he walked out of the shower….he wouldn't be here._

___But his brother, his evil twin, who loved to make fun of anyone and anything…Mark…mark would be here. She had to find Bailey quick, she had to be on neuro today, or ortho…bones…she could break some plaster, help move dislocations back in place, anything but…._

___PLASTICS…._

___There it was, posted on the OR board._

_'__Rhinoplasty: Attending: Sloan Resident : M Grey'_

___She looked away before returning her gaze on the board, desperate for her eyes to have been deceiving her, and her worst nightmares not becoming reality._

___CRAP_

_'__ahhh Dr Grey, just the person I've been waiting for.'_

_'__A nose job, seriously? Why on earth am I on your service?'_

_'__I have worked in the same hospital with you for quite some time now, and we never spend any time together, and since you seem to be getting acquainted with my brother, then it seems logical to get to know you better.'_

_'__I am not getting acquainted with anyone.' She spat, hitting mark on the shoulder at the same time._

_'__the new shoes waiting in my office beg to differ.' Mark laughed 'see you in the OR Dr Grey!'_

___Meredith set off to the residents lounge confused as to what marks last statement meant, shoes?_


	15. Chapter 14 coffee

Chapter 14 - coffee

Derek had been pleasantly surprised when he had got a text from Mark informing him that Meredith was on his service for the day, and even more surprised when he had got a text telling him which floor he would be able to find her, and when!

He had been confined to the couch most of the day, he had slept late, last night's antics catching up with him, and finally persuaded his mother that the couch was as good a place as the bed for rest

As much as his mother meant well she had been fussing nonstop making sure he was rested, took his meds and feeding him enough food to feed a small army base for a week! He had to get out, and the text off mark gave him just the escape he needed.

'Ma, I'm just heading out I won't be long!' he called as he heard his mother busy in the kitchen again.

'Out? What do you mean out?'

'I need some fresh air, natural air, helps the lungs!'

'I can't argue with that, but just so you know, you're a terrible liar!'

'Who's lying?'

'Derek Christopher Shepherd you do this thing with your lip when you lie, its adorable really, and you always look to the left, like the time you said mark had attacked you with the Hoover, when in fact the hickey on your neck was from Sarah Jane next door but one, and when your shirt had grass stains on after you went to the park, did you really believe I'd fall for the fact you got challenged in football? You didn't do sport Derek!'

Derek blushed as he continued to head out of the door 'It's just fresh air, just fresh air.' He said as he began to close the door behind him.

'Say hi to Dr Grey from me…..'

Meredith was pleasantly surprised how quick her day was going, she had been expecting it to drag after being paired with Mark for the day, however the presence of the chief watching his surgery at the last minute had meant that he had to keep his smart arse comments to himself, it had nearly killed him to keep his mouth shut and she was sure as he had chiselled away at his patients nose and concentrated solely on the task at hand, even allowing Meredith to reshape the tip of the nose, something she never expected!

To be ridiculed yes, to be operating no, thank goodness for the chief! She could have kissed him when she spotted him scrubbing in, but there had definitely been enough kissing for a long time…ever…no more kissing.

Mark had been called into a budget meeting with the chief and Jennings shortly after the surgery had finished. He had being hoping to secure funding for a burns unit to provide the best first rate care within a 3 hour radius of Seattle and hoped to get Seattle Grace on the map once again, plus if he was honest he actually had so much admiration for his brothers chosen career that he had wanted to do something to show him how much he cared, there was nowhere in the close proximity for burns victims to be taken, instead they were helicoptered hours away to get the treatment they needed, so that had left Meredith to deal with the post ops so for the next hour she could relax, do her job, and forget all about the events of the previous night. Then she could get out of there, throw on some yoga pants and just relax. She had the house to herself later, Alex had a date which meant he probably wouldn't be home at all, and Cristina had the horror of the 48 hour shift! So pizza and old movies were definitely on the Menu…she was so close to the end of her shift she could practically smell the pepperoni on her pizza!

'Hey.' The familiar sound of her best friend called as Meredith turned and threw a smile at Cristina.

'Hey, how are you holding up, still a long way to go?'

'I'm on my fifth cup of coffee and haven't stopped eating all day; my ass is likely to get to the finish line before the rest of me at this rate.' Cristina laughed as the pair made the way to the nurses' station.

'Least you can think of the two days off you will have after all of this, that's gotta keep you going right? You can do whatever you want whilst the hospital will continue to own us?'

'Yeah that and the fact I get to work with Avery all day…have you seen those eyes! I'm like a kid in the candy shop just breathing the same air as him. He ticks all my boxes, we even have the same cardio obsession – it's amazing really, pretty and into hearts!'

'Is there something going on with you and Jackson?'

'Not yet, I need fresh meat, he looks clean, and good, he definitely looks like he would be good.' Cristina laughed as she spotted her prey up ahead and set off at a brisk pace.

Meredith laughed as she watched her best friend head back down the corridor towards her target and followed him into a patient's room. Cristina was determined she had to admit that much, plus she was on cardio, two of her favourite things in the same place at the same time.

Poor Jackson!

As she leant down on the nurse's station and flipped through the pages of the patient files to familiarise herself with the procedures that each of them had gone through she was oblivious to the fact that someone was now standing behind her. She jumped a little as a coffee cup was placed alongside of her.

'Good Evening.'

Meredith froze as she recognised the memorable voice that came from behind her.

'I'm told dating starts with a casual invitation over coffee.'

Meredith sighed as she took the coffee cup and turned to face Derek.

'What are you doing here?' she snapped as she took a small sip of the drink, savouring the caffeine hit it gave her as it made its way into her blood stream. (it was just what she needed, not that she would admit that!)

'Urgh, sugar, seriously?' she moaned as she threw the cup back on the side!

'What? I didn't ask for sugar, black, just black…'

'Well looks like they didn't listen to you!'

'Here have mine, I will take yours.'

'No its fine, drink your coffee Lieutenant Shepherd.'

'Lieutenant Shepherd? Last night it was Derek and now it's Lieutenant Shepherd?'

'yeah well last night never happened okay, forget it,' meredith snapped as she picked up the files and made her way down the corridor.

'How can I forget it, you kissed me.' Derek pointed out as he took off after her.

'I kissed you, once, no big deal.'

'it is a big deal, to me it's a big deal.'

'Like I said to you a thousand times I don't date patients.'

'and like I keep reminding you I am an Ex patient, I'm not your patient any more, how many times do I have to point that out to you? No tag round my wrist, no IV going into my veins, there is no reason what so ever for you not to date me!'

'I don't want to date you, I don't date, ever, so please take your diabetes inducing hot drinks and get out of here, 'she shouted as she disappeared into a patient's room.

Dam this was going to be harder then he thought, good job he didn't give in without a fight!


	16. Chapter 15 legends dont push paper

**Chapter 15 – legends don't push paper**

Derek paced the floor of his mother's living room impatiently as he waited for Mark to arrive. He had ended up staying with his mom a little longer than he had hoped, but his mother was obstinate and determined when she wanted to be (just like he was) and she had guilt tripped him so much that he had ended up agreeing to stay. He couldn't complain though he had been waited on hand and foot, 3 hot meals a day, coffee on tap 24/7 and all his moms old cine films of his father had been recently turned to DVD so he had spent hours watching old movies of his family and remembering his inspiration, his dad.

It had now been just over a week since his release from hospital and tonight he would finally be going home to his own bed, his own things…his own thoughts. He was also itching to get back to work. He hated sitting on the couch doing nothing all day, Mark had offered to call into the station and collect his rotation information to save him the trip of venturing out and in another 4 days he would finally be back with his guys. He wasn't going to be allowed out to a big shout straight away, but cats in trees, toes stuck up taps and countless other minor humiliations were ok. Least he could be back, in his uniform doing the one thing he loved, saving lives one way or another.

He half expected to be apprehensive about his return after the smoke inhalation, but the adrenaline was running so high that he actually couldn't wait to be back in the driving seat of the engine, lights flashing as it sped through the traffic to an emergency. He knew the risks when he started his career, the pain and the scars of losing victims or the devastation fire left behind would never go away, not for him, not for anyone, but he could hep others, save more lives,.

He hadn't been back to the hospital or chased Meredith in nearly a week. And it was killing him if he was honest. Since she had so abruptly told him no and dissed his ice breaking coffee he had taken a surprising step back. That didn't mean that she wasn't on his mind constantly though, she was. The smell of the mesmerising lavender that filled a room moments before she walked in and lingered in the air for hours after she left, her smile that melted his heart, the sweet red blush that spread across her face whenever she felt embarrassed or flustered, and her stubbornness that if he was honest just made him even more determined to get her to agree to a date. There was something about Meredith Grey that was perfect for him.

_I don't date, ever_

Why was she so against dating him? He wasn't asking much, One drink, a bite to eat, hell even a quick coffee in the cafeteria at the hospital if she was too busy to do anything else.

Yet she was determined to say no over and over again.

He was surprised by his own willingness to back off, he didn't give up on things he really wanted to have, yet he had quite happily taken a back seat and left her alone for the past week. He knew Meredith was stubborn, he was too, he knew she was determined, he was too in fact he saw a lot of himself in her. They were like two peas in a pod, neither willing to back down. He knew himself how frustrated and annoyed he got if people consistently tried to get him to do something he didn't want to do, but also how much he ended up wanting to do it if it wasn't mentioned again.

Like when he was a teenager and mark had repeatedly asked him to be his lab partner in Bio class. Derek had refused repeatedly not deeming mark clever enough, and assuming his interest in girls far outnumbered his interest in cells or dissection of bovine hearts. Derek had ended up on the losing out however when his assigned partner had failed to show to any classes and his own marks had suffered due to the lack of team work in research labs, where as mark had scored the highest points in the class on his SATs.

She hadn't even made an appearance at his out patients appointment when he had gone to have his lungs checked the day before, her intern had insisted she was stuck in surgery but he was certain she had made some effort to avoid the confides of the examination room. as much as he hoped for a quick glance, he was also quite pleased that she hadn't appeared, she hadn't completed the appointment so when his final paper work was signed off by another doctor it just supported his opinion that he was not her patient!

So instead he had tried to play clever, alter the way in which he approached things. He figured backing off and leaving her to think he had given in would only make her want him more? It was a risk he knew that, but the connection when she had pushed wayward strands of hair away from his face before she took his temperature – to the meeting of their lips in Joes and the electricity that was created….it was a risk he had to take. He didn't want to smother her, make her resent his presence; he needed her to want to see him. He needed her to find him….

Meredith stood on the catwalk of the hospital looking out over the now quiet city of Seattle, her thoughts carried as far away as Mount Rainer in the distance as she composed herself after a long 13 hour surgery. She had nearly lost her patient on the table, but some quick thinking from Lexie and her photographic memory had meant Meredith had been able to throw a stitch just in time. She had to remember to search out her sister and thank her for her quick thinking. She had saved her patient's life, and her own sisters focus all in an instant. Lexie had offered to do the post op recovery work as she had noticed how exhausted Meredith was and Meredith had all but ran from the OR in search of a resting place.

For the past week all Meredith had done was work. She had successfully avoided Joe's, she had rarely returned to the house, and the only real conversation she had had with her friends was about brains, heart or some other wonderful medical term. She had taken on over time, offered to do the graveyard shift in the pit, she had even worked in the clinic in her free time to avoid going home to be alone with her thoughts (something Bailey was unaware of!), anything to keep busy and focus her thoughts on anything but him. In fact the last time she laid her head on her own pillow was a week ago, after Derek had been to the hospital with coffee and tried once again to ask her out.

It was a week ago…

For someone so insistent on a date he wasn't doing much running? She didn't want to date him; she didn't want to see him…that's what she had said. So why on earth was he the one thing that had been running through her mind all week? Even with all the extra work she had been unable to fill her mind enough to distract from the fact that she was missing him!

But if the past week had shown her anything it was that he couldn't have been serious after all, he hadn't wanted anything more than a date, a quick fumble in a bar, he didn't respect her like so many before!

She shook her head as she thought back to the days when he lay in his hospital bed. The quickening of her heart that happened every time she walked into his room, the warm feeling that spread through her body when her green pools met his blue orbs, and the feeling of his lips on hers, his tongue battling hers in Joes…the electricity had been enough to send her fleeing from the bar. She didn't get those kind of feelings, no one had ever shown her any kind of respect or made her feel the way she had felt when her lips touched his…or when her lips left his either.

She had put the brick wall up around her emotions and no one had ever come close to breaking that wall down…till now…and he had given up!

Maybe she had been harsh…too harsh, after all he had bought her coffee and tried to make an effort and she had shot him down and belittled his efforts to impress. But if he couldn't take a little banter and had already walked away what did that say about him?

Yesterday had been his out patient's appointment but she had been paged to surgery minutes before she had been due to come face to face with him again. She had had to send her intern to assess his lungs, and Lexie had double checked too apparently to ensure the prognosis was correct and so she hadn't actually got to see him again. part of her was glad, but the other part of her couldn't help but feel disappointed, she had half expected him to have hung around the hospital, to ask her again, but he hadn't, he hadn't even tried.

Before her surgery earlier that day Mark had sought her out and asked her a few questions about Derek's recovery, making her feel bad in the process of not been able to assess him herself, yet she was surprised when he didn't follow up his words with a more sarky mark like response! Even he had given up on commenting on the pair! She had no idea if they were asked on behalf of him, or if mark was just trying to piece together his brother's recovery period but she had ensured him by now his lungs should be clear enough to return to light duties at work and added that he could in fact get his lazy behind off the couch and go save some lives!

'So she actually called me lazy?'

'Yup, she cleared you for work, light duties only of course, but just like her intern said yesterday you're good to go! And just so you know, I checked the OR schedule for yesterday and she was pulled in at the last minute, she wasn't avoiding you, just so you know…'

'What? I didn't think that!'

'Dude, you have moped around her all week with a long face and I know you were hoping to see Meredith yesterday.'

'I haven't been moping, and I'm glad I didn't see her actually, I'm avoiding her!'

'You're avoiding her? She practically told you to leave her the hell alone yet you are the one avoiding her!'

'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' Derek joked as he sat down and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table.

'Meredith Grey doesn't back down man, not for anyone, she has built the Berlin wall around herself and there is no knocking it down.'

'I'm not going to knock it down.'

'So you're giving up?'

'I never said that?'

'So what you think Meredith is going to come chasing after you? Please, have you met her?'

'Yes I have and that's exactly what I think will happen, what I need is for her to need me before I need her!'

'And you really think this will work? You think Meredith Grey is going to let her guard down enough to chase you? To want you? Oh I pity you I really do, that Grey streak in the front of your hair will have pretty much filled your head before that happens!'

'We will see man…trust me…we will see!'

'so I spoke to your chief and as far as he is concerned if you hve been cleared for light duties you can start tomorrow, he even joked about tonight.'

'I can work? I don't have to wait?'

'well he has you down for a whole lot of paper shuffling, pen pushing and perhaps tree climbing to save the odd kitty or too but yes he said give him a call.'

'Thanks man I appreciate it, I didn't want them thinking I was weak.'

'Derek you risked your life to try and save others, you will be a walking legend in that place I'm sure!'

'Legends don't push paper!'

'It won't be for long!'

'The quicker I start the quicker I can get back to real service.' Derek said as he reached for his cell and punched the familiar numbers of the station in.

Mark looked on as he watched his brother arrange to go in the morning at 7, he was almost sure Derek would have gone straight there but the watch were out on a shout and the station was empty so he would have been as bored there as he was in the house. So instead the promise to be there by 7, and constant pleading that he was ok for more than pen pushing had left Derek with a spring in his step as his chief had promised to monitor his first few hours and let Derek decide when he felt he was ready for more as he knew his own body.

Just maybe he wouldn't be sitting around the station after all….


	17. Chapter 16 grilled cheese

**Chapter 16 – grilled cheese**

Meredith had three days off. Three days that she had been forced to take after Bailey found her sneaking out from the on call room after an hour's sleep, desperate to attend the emergency that had just been brought into the pit. She had crashed earlier, finally beginning to give into the exhaustion that her body was experiencing, but the beep of the pager had rejuvenated her in an instance however Bailey had taken one look at her and realised that there wasn't a single day in the last week, maybe even week and a half that Meredith hadn't been at the hospital, she had been everywhere, how had she missed it! The bags under her eyes held tell-tale signs of fatigue and she had practically been thrown out of the entrance with the promise to go home and sleep.

The life of a resident was busy, but it was clear now that Meredith had been doing the work of two residents and also two interns, the normal 48 hour nightmare shift had slowly extended she had done well to go unnoticed till now! She had completed rounds, covered the pit and paced miles walking up and down in the clinic, as well as hours operating; she had been busy but now the threat of imposing a 60 hour limit on Meredith for the foreseeable future was enough to persuade her to head home.

So as her friends began treating the victims of a pile up on the freeway, she found herself in a taxi cab back to her house, Bailey deciding she was even too tired to drive herself so had confiscated her car key.

She rested her head on the cab window as the driver manoeuvred around the overly busy streets of Seattle back towards her home, traffic had obviously been diverted onto the main road that ran through Seattle after the accident so the normal 15 minute journey looked more likely to be nearer to half an hour if not longer as the cab came to a halt, tail to bumper with the other cars on the roads as they waited for a break in the traffic.

Meredith felt her eye lids grow heavy as the wait extended, the general lull of the radio filled the back of the car, and luckily for her the driver wasn't chatty so she felt comfortable enough to close her eyes for a few moments…..

As the taxi continued on its journey, the driver laughed to himself as he reached to turn up the radio to drown out the snores filtering through from the back of his car. He looked out her through his mirror for a moment, her tiny frame barely taking up one space on the back seat, her legs tucked up underneath of her, and her seat belt resting awkwardly across her neck, she really was dead to the world…

'Ma'am…Ma'am you really need to wake up now.'

Meredith stirred in the back seat, oblivious to the fact that she had been asleep for over half an hour and unsure of her surroundings for a while.

'Ma'am you're home I really need to get…'

'Crap, sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep, god what must you think of me, I didn't snore did I, I'm told I do but I've never heard myself, which is silly cause I'm asleep but…'

'Ma'am 16 dollars I have a job to get to.' He laughed as he held his hand out to receive his fare.

'Sorry, yes of course, cheap, that's cheap.' She quizzed as she counted out the notes and gathered together a few bills for a tip too.

'The accident caused chaos on the main route from the hospital, it wasn't your fault so I didn't charge the waiting, but I will if you don't get out of my cab.' The driver laughed as he took the money from Meredith, and began to rev the engine in the hope of speeding her along. Meredith had hardly stepped foot on the pavement when he sped off…maybe I do snore, she thought as she slumped up the stairs towards the house.

As she put the key in the lock and walked inside she finally accepted that she was exhausted, she had been running on empty the last few days and it was only now that she had stopped, and allowed the weariness to take hold, could she finally admit that she needed sleep.

She threw her bag down on the floor, and promised to put it away later once she had had a few hours rest. A sudden growl from her stomach made her realise that not only was she shattered but hungry also. She peered down at her watch and realised that she hadn't eaten since this time yesterday, more or less, and as her stomach screamed out for nourishment, she sighed and took a weary walk towards the kitchen.

She hadn't been home for days, so god knows what she would find to eat, she looked around the kitchen, relatively surprised to see it clean and presentable, Alex must have had company, there was no other reason the house would be tidy, Cristina sure as hell wouldn't have done it.

The cupboards left very little choice, some bread and cheese, a pint of milk, and various jars that she had no idea of their contents, or where they would have even come from, well better than nothing, Alex always knocked up grilled cheese and that was always delicious so she could to that…right….

'grilled cheese…that isn't cooked under the grill.' She laughed to herself as she lifted out the pan and placed it up on the hob. She had seen Alex do this a hundred times…bread, cheese…a little butter in the pan…

She paused for a minute as she contemplated a simple cheese sandwich, no cooking, no heat and instant results, but the thought of dry bread and cheese wasn't feeding her taste buds, or the monster growling in her stomach like the thought of hot, melted grilled cheese.

She sliced the cheese and lay it out on the slice of bread, before placing another slice on the top, and turning on the pan…

Maybe she should check in with Alex, just to be on the safe side, after all how long were you supposed to grill it on each side to get it just right, she didn't want soggy bread…

She punched in Alex's number into the house phone and waited…and waited…his phone rang out over and over before it finally went to voice mail, she risked leaving a message in case he saw it in the next few minutes, and she could wait a few minutes.

'Hey Alex it's just me, I'm hungry and cooking, or trying to, how long do I need to grill my grilled cheese to make it the way you do? Ring me back.'

She placed the phone back in the holder and returned her attention to the ingredients that lay resting upon the counter top.

How hard could this be…?

She placed the sandwich into the pan and adjusted the heat underneath as she swore she heard Alex's voice whisper 'a medium heat.' Low would be…too low and high meant she might burn it and with very little else remaining in the house then she couldn't afford to burn it.

As the slight sizzle began she decided it would be best to sit back at the table, she was sure someone had once said a watched pot never boiled…or something…so maybe a watched grilled cheese never cooked….

She lay her head down on the table and closed her eyes for a moment as the aroma began to sift through the kitchen….

A minute,

It was one minute;

At least she had sworn it was one minute. But a minute didn't explain the smoke or the person shaking her and yelling her name.

Derek walked into the middle of the station and admired the sight before him, two engines awaiting adventure, jackets and helmets hanging on the far side of the hold awaiting collection and his men, his team mates mulling around, pacing the floor almost as desperate as he was for a call out. He had been back at work for 4 days now, and today he was finally back in the thick of things. He was allowed out on the next shout, the next emergency, no matter what it was! The three earlier crews had already left to attend the pile up on the freeway, he had all but begged to be included but as the only other lieutenant on duty he was needed to remain with his crew in case of another alarm was raised - so the two remaining teams waited patiently to hear if there were needed on the scene too, or if someone else would need their help!

He had proved himself with paper work, the occasional ladder climb to rescue a small animal, or once the local butcher's son who had decided to make a tree house, without the wood, and got stuck trying to get back down. He had stuck it out for the three previous days but his sergeant had seen it written over his face that he was struggling with the boredom, with the same mundane routine. So after a quick assessment by the force medic had given Derek a clean bill of health and cleared him for action.

As he waited for the alarm to sound, or the phone to ring, he paced, forwards and backwards relentlessly, praying for something soon. The slightest bang or phone text was enough to make him swing his head round in hope for action, and enough for him to sigh in disbelief when he realised it wasn't the sound he wished to hear.

He made his way across the station and sat himself down in the contact room, his eyes fixed firmly on the fax machine that would very soon be spitting out an emergency of one kind or the other.

As he waited he checked in with the teams out in the field and learnt that the crash was pretty bad, quite a few casualties and they were likely to be out for a quite a while longer so the next call really would be his, now all he needed was that…

BEEEEEEEEPPPPP RARRARRARARARARARARARA BEEEEEEEEEP

The familiar sound of the station alarmed filled every nook and cranny of the station, the urgency vibrated from wall to wall, and it took Derek a moment to realise what was happening as bodies began diving around the room, jumping stairs three at a time, sliding down poles to the ground floor. The whirring of the fax brought him right back to the moment as he tore of the paper at its perforation and scanned down the information it held.

Reported: Mrs Hilary Dickerson (neighbour)

Incident: Reports of smoke to back of house, possibly kitchen area, not known if anyone inside, no cars on drive.

Location: 613 Harper Lane

Seattle,

WA 98103.

Fire Department and Paramedic dispatched

Derek sprung to life and sprinted over collecting his jacket and helmet on route, Danny his deputy jumped into the driver's seat, the one condition of full duty – no driving, not yet.

He pulled himself into the passenger seat and scanned the details once again as he shouted out the address to Danny and strapped himself into the seat, his heart racing at what felt like 100 beats per minute, the adrenaline firing round his body…this was it, he was back.

The address was relatively close to the station, 10 minutes maximum if they avoided the traffic, Danny knew Seattle like the back of his hand and zoomed in and out of the traffic and took a few smaller roads in order to make their destination in an acceptable time.

Reports of smoke from inside a possibly unoccupied house could mean a lot of things, but one thing for certain was that there wasn't a minute to waste.

As they got closer and the engine turned onto harper lane the team ensured their helmets were in place and their jackets done up.

'You ready for this Shep?' Danny asked.

'Like you wouldn't believe.' Derek smiled as the made their decent down the hill the road lay on. 'Johnson, Collins, Hartly you take the front of the house, look for any access points, hook the hose to the hydrant, Danny you come with me round the back, bring the force, if that's the source of the fire then we need to get in there quick.'

'Yes sir.' His team barked back as Danny pulled the engine up onto the empty drive way to ensure it was as close as possible if water was needed. The team piled out and followed Derek's instructions ensuring water was at the ready the minute it was needed, and they began to look through the window pain in the door and through the letter box, the definite smell of smoke filled the air…and filled the hallway making it impossible to see further through the house. The three men banged on the door, eager to see if anyone resided in the property at present.

At the back of the house, after scaling a fenced gate Derek and Danny ran up to what they assumed was the only entrance to the back of the house, a closed door leading to what looked like a kitchen area. Smoke was billowing out from the small crack underneath the door, the pair banged on the glass to try and grab someone's attention, but with no success, and the pair both realised that they needed to get in there quick. He adjusted his breathing mask and a quick call to Johnson at the front of the house had Danny feeding the hose over the fence, whilst Derek took a short run up and barged the door, once, twice, three times to grant access to the house.

The smoke was thick and black but there didn't seem to be any flames as he began a search of the room, as Danny moved in with the hose and looked for the source of the incineration.

Danny alerted Derek to the source of the smoke, the hob, indicating that there was someone present in the house, as Danny and the rest of the team worked on the smoke Derek began the search of the house.

He hadn't moved far when he noticed a figure bent over resting on the table.

A women.

Her hair lay over her face and she appeared slumped…unconscious? For a split second anxiety set in as his thoughts turned back to the victim of the apartment block fire, his broken form on the floor….

The sound of coughing broke him from his memory as the petite women in front of him began to stir on the table.

He moved closer and tried to rouse her from the effects of the smoke, placing his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to help her move.

As she lifted her head further the realization to which he was shaking began to set in and he felt his own breath catch in the back of his throat.

Meredith.,,,,


	18. Chapter 17 CRAP!

**Chapter 17 Crap!**

_Oh my goodness of all the fire-fighters to arrive to stop smoke billowing out of my kitchen its him, he is back in work and rescuing me from a near disaster….this is humiliating on so many levels!_

'Meredith…Meredith…You need to move…Meredith…' he called, unable to keep the urgency from his voice, her eyes met his in an instant, even behind his mask he could tell she had registered his presence,

_This cannot be happening, he was the one with smoke inhalation, not me, I don't get sick, and he is going to know I don't cook, can't cook, urgh…what the hell is he doing?_

He scooped her up in his arms and threw her over his shoulder as he searched out the back door again and got her out into the fresh air as quick as his legs would allow. He was met by the paramedics, a team from Seattle Presbyterian, all others in the city apparently at the freeway accident. He placed her down on the chair that stood on the deck at the back of the property and brushed her hair out of her face as she struggled for air as the paramedic moved in and placed an oxygen mask over her face.

_But I was just enjoying being in his arms…stop it Meredith for the love of god stop it._

As the paramedic conducted checks on Meredith, Derek stood routed to the spot, his eyes fixed firmly on her, desperately searching for a look to tell him she was ok. She fought like hell not to look up at him, not to give him what he wanted, but it was if something was begging her to look up, as she did she saw his stare fixed firmly on her and she passed the slightest of smiles over towards him. Part thanks, part embarrassment he was sure!

_What is he looking at seriously, has he never rescued anyone before? Has he always had such mesmerizing blue eyes…oh my goodness have I got a head injury, I need to forget him, not think like THAT._

Behind him his team got the smoke filled room under control, as they battled the smoke cloud s and extinguished whatever it was that had caused such a thick haze in the kitchen. He left her a few moments as the paramedics began to listen to her chest and moved in to find the cause of the smoke. As the smoke began to settle, and no more filled the room he was alerted to Danny pointing towards the stove, he walked over to the area and his eyes fell on the remains of a grill pan, and a severely charred,…something…he couldn't tell what it was meant to be - using the heat resistant gloves he picked up the handle of the pan and made his way back outside.

_I think my grilled cheese is done, I just closed my eyes for a second, this can't be happening, it was just a second…this is why I don't cook, ever! _

The paramedic had Meredith leaning over, coughing to ensure her lungs were clear, she seemed to be breathing okay and the sweet pinkness was returning to her cheeks. As he got closer he could hear them discussing the need to take her in for a once over, and in return he could hear her pleading for it not to be Seattle Grace, and that she was ok.

_I'm supposed to be resting, catching up on sleep, staying away from the hospital, so what I need is my bed…and Derek holding me, no, not holding me, Derek going home or to the fire station or somewhere, and…maybe I do need a CT?_

He could tell she had a fighting spirit, and he already knew how stubborn she was so he couldn't help himself when the words just escaped from his mouth. 'Its common procedure after incidents such as this that all residents who came into contact with the smoke, must attend hospital to ensure their lungs are clear and there is no lasting damage.' He couldn't help but smirk as he spoke, and as Meredith raised her head she threw him a dangerous look. A look that to so many would leave the receiver petrified, but to Derek he couldn't help but be a little turned on. Angry Meredith was hot.

_Oh he thinks he holds the cards now, he thinks he is going to break me, there is no breaking Meredith Grey, I'm fine…this is ridiculous…ewww what the hell…_

'but I'm …fine…' meredith tried to announce before her body was taken over by coughing fit, and the paramedics and Derek noticed how she grimaced as she gasped for air.

'You are not fine, right at this moment your chest feels like its burning, and you feel like your lungs are going to explode?

_Crap! He is right._

'And you are doing everything you can to avoid coughing because you know that will give you away. I know because I've been there.'

_He was in there longer than me when this happened to him, this is not the same!_

'And a very wise doctor once said that treatment in these situations is absolutely necessary, and that same doctor went mad when she knew id attempted to walk to the bathroom by myself. So in this instance and as the freighter in charge of this shift I have to insist that you are taken in for treatment.'

_That very wise doctor needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.'_

'I will compromise and suggest Seattle Presbyterian but only due to the fact that Grace is overrun with victims from the road accident.'

_Oh to be grateful for a pile up…._

'So if you could fetch the stretcher around that would be great, she could be in shock and I think its best she is carried into the ambulance as a precautionary measure.'

_Carried? Seriously? He will pay for this!_

The paramedics set off to the front of the house to retrieve a stretcher seat to transport Meredith on, and Derek sat himself down beside Meredith, trying to pretend it didn't hurt when she flinched away from him a little.

'I think we found the cause of the fire.' He smiled as he placed the pan down on the floor in front of them and kicked t slightly as he watched the contents break down a little, so charred from the heat it had experienced. 'I'd love to say it looked delicious but I'd be lying.'

'I was hungry.' Meredith whispered, surprising herself at the croak present in her voice 'and exhausted.'

'So you set…this… on to cook and fell asleep? You're ucky to be out alive, if the contents had ignited then this would be a very different situation.' He pointed out as he realised she was shivering, and took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

'Cheese...grilled cheese, I don't…I don't cook, but Alex makes it look easy…'

'It is easy, if you're awake and watching it…'

'I was sent home from work, for doing too much, I haven't slept much…'

'The smoke damage is quite intensive, it will definitely need redecorating in there, and probably new cupboards and surfaces due to the damage. the rest of the house will be passed as secure, but to be on th safe side id restrict movement in the kitchen until a surveyor has been out to assess the damage, there should be no structural fault but its best to be safe.'

_Cristina is going to kill me and why is he speaking so formally, like he hardly knows me…he wanted to date me!_

'What are you doing here?' Meredith asked as the familiar silhouette of Derek appeared at her hospital room door. 'My shift ended and I always like to check up on people I have saved, it keeps my job real, to see the success stories...'

'I hardly died!'

'But thousands do, every day, thousands do.' He stated calmly as he moved inside the room and closed the door behind him.

'Cristina's on her way, they said I needed someone before they would let me go, so she's coming, as soon as she can get away from the hospital, she's coming.'

'I'm glad.' He said as he took a step closer. 'So this is new, you in bed and me visiting you,'

'Visitors are usually invited you know.'

'And people don't usually go about burning down their own houses just in the hope of seeing their favourite fire-fighter again!'

'Firstly I didn't burn down my house, and secondly I had no desire to see you again, ever, I thought I made that clear.'

'Oh come on, admit it, you love that I was your knight in shining armour!'

'I do not need rescuing; technically I did a few hours ago, but now, not so much. You are not my knight in shining whatever!'

'Oh I think I am' he smirked, 'I was hoping I would run into you again soon, but this took me by surprise.'

'You didn't try very hard to! If anything I would say you avoided me!'

'So you noticed?'

'Noticed what?'

'I was avoiding you, it was hard but I succeeded, you needed me before I needed you! Isn't that the exact opposite to how you said I would be?'

_Crap!_


	19. Chapter 18 breakfast

**Chapter 18 breakfast**

_At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular._

Meredith couldn't believe that they had made her stay the night; Derek had disappeared shortly before Cristina arrived, something about having to fill in a report of the incident in her house that day, and how he had to go back to the fire house to clock off… but she hadn't missed his short discussion with the doctor on the way out. She had no idea what had been said but feared his interception, hand gestures, and over the top ridiculous facial expressions may have had something to do with the fact that she was now sitting on the edge of her bed, the day after, clock watching, as she wasn't allowed to leave until she had someone to escort her home, and as Cristina and Alex were both back in Work, and with few other people to call on, she found herself sitting, and waiting.

When Cristina has arrived last night she had hoped it would only be a matter of minutes before she would be allowed home, albeit with a damaged kitchen, but she wouldn't be cooking again, ever… so she could survive, yet instead the news had been broken that she would need to remain for observation, to ensure her oxygen levels remained steady and her carbon dioxide was expelled at the correct rate. She had been relieved that Cristina had found the incident hilarious and that she really didn't mind that their drab brown kitchen was now a mixed shade of charcoal grey…and black, and she promised she had been thinking of redecorating anyway! Meredith offered to pay, of course, yet Cristina had promised they would all chip in, with the promise Meredith would never again step within an inch of the agar. A promise she had easily made, who needs to cook when there a perfectly amazing restaurants that do carry out, and pizza, she could live off pizza. When Cristina had been paged back to the hospital and had left her alone in that small room she felt herself fighting sleep instead of giving in to the exhaustion that had helped cause all the mess in the first place, as an alternative she counted the ceiling tiles, timed the intervals between the nurses visit to her room, and kept a mental note of the number of footsteps in the hall way. She had kept an eye on the clock, the hands seeming to move painfully slow as she watched each hour come and go, and the darkness in her room turn to shadows as the sun began to rise in the distance and a new day dawned.

It was strange, usually she was desperate to be in the hospital, working, thriving on the need to cut and to help people, kicking up a fuss when she was made to leave due to too many hours. But as a patient it really did suck, it was boring and unbelievable that she was still in, she was fine, she hadn't coughed in over 10 hours, and she was probably taking up a bed of a patient who very much needed healing…

Why was it that time stood still when you really wanted something?

As she closed her eyes for a second and thought back to her feeble attempt yesterday to cook, she couldn't help but blame Bailey and anyone else who had made her leave the hospital! If she hadn't been made to leave then there would have been no meetings with grill pans, no smoke damaged kitchens and no Lieutenant Shepherd….

'Good Morning.' Derek's cheery voice filled the room as he bounded in, coffee precariously balanced in one hand, and a bag in the other.

'You're here early...no scrap that, what are you doing here at all? Don't think I didn't see that scene with the doctor last night…this is your fault, I know it. Shouldn't you be out saving lives…not here making mine hell?' she snapped.

'Is that any way to greet the man who has brought you breakfast?' he beamed as he placed the coffee on the side and held a bulging bag between his hands.

'Breakfast?' she asked, as her eyes lit up at the sight before her. 'I've eaten already' she managed to get out, fighting the urge to dive straight into the contents of his bag.

'**W**hat'd you have?' Derek enquired, before laughing to himself as he placed the bag down in front of her.  
**'**None of your business.' She snapped back, her hand flying to her stomach in a desperate plea for it to stop with its rumbling.  
**'**You a cereal person? Straight out of the box? Or all fruit and fiber-y? Pancakes? Do you like pancakes?' He asked as he placed all of the choices from the bag up onto the tray that adorned the table.

The aroma of the pancakes filled the room, and she could almost taste the syrup from where she was sitting. She had to force her lips together in an attempt to stop herself from licking them, and giving the game away, she was starving…A grilled cheese sandwich was all she had wanted, and since that didn't turn out to well she hadn't really eaten in the meantime.

'I was going to bring grilled cheese but I thought that might have been a little insensitive.' He smiled as if reading her mind, catching her eye, relief washing over him as he saw the edge of her lips turn upwards into a smile.

'Fine, leftover grilled cheese would normally be my breakfast of choice, but I guess yesterday proved that, Curiosity satisfied? But seems as though I can't even manage that…then this…looks perfect.' She smiled as she pointed to the feast that now took up two thirds of her table giving in to her stubbornness as the delights just screamed eat me to Meredith!

'**You know grilled cheese…**That's sad. It's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast,' he pointed out as he reached for the coffee and handed one over to Meredith. 'If the food here is anywhere near as bad as Seattle Grace then I suggest eating up.'

Meredith looked up and took in the sight before her, before picking up a fork and breaking up the pancakes. Derek; her ex patient was now waiting on her in her own hospital room. Bringing her food and treats and….oh wow the pancakes were delicious, how could she have even been contemplating not tucking in…

'Mmmmm' she moaned as she took another forkful before offering her fork up to Derek 'you're not eating? You have to try these they are amazing!'

'Its ok I'll pass, too much sugar for my liking, but this will do.' He smiled as he pushed her fork away but picked up a fruit cup from the table and began to eat.

'Seriously?'

'What?'

'You produce pancakes, and cereal, and muffins…and you pick fruit? You're a health nut aren't you?'

'It's good for me, helps me store energy for when I need it. It's important in my job, stamina is a must' he commented before turning his attention to the plastic lid on his coffee cup.

'If you say so.' She replied before noticing how awkward he looked standing in the middle of the room, and before she knew what was happening she was patting the space next to her on the bed as an option to sit…and he did.

'You know I really didn't say anything to the doctor, ask him if you don't believe me. I saved his mom once from a bad car smash, had to cut her out of her vehicle, he noticed me and thanked me once again. Seems people can't forget their knights!'

'You really like yourself huh?'

'Just hiding my pain'

The pair dissolved into a fit of giggles at his reply and for the first time in a long time Meredith felt herself relax in his company. Her earlier anger towards him was slowly ebbing away, and not just because he had been thoughtful enough to bring her breakfast…but because he was there, and that was new.

'Why did you do this?' she asked as she picked up the cereal and began to pour herself a bowl. Derek looked on amused at the rate at which she was demolishing the food, where did she put it all? She was tiny, petite…

'What are you looking at?' Meredith's words snapped him back to the moment again as he shook his head, embarrassed that he had been caught staring at her.

'I...I...I was...just wondering where on earth you are putting all that food.' He asked his eyes wide as he realised a good proportion of the provisions had already disappeared!

'I have a big appetite.' She smirked as she poured the milk onto her cereal and took a spoonful before placing the bowl down and turning to look at him slightly.

'You didn't answer before, why did you do this?'

'I wanted to.' He said, nerves suddenly creeping into his voice as he looked down away from Meredith, 'I had been avoiding you, I knew you didn't want anything from me, but seeing you in your kitchen yesterday...Like that…I was worried, and everyone always says I get too emotional and involved…but you helped me, and I guess I just wanted to return the favour. And it was the day after my smoke inhalation that I felt worse, so I just wanted to make sure you were fine…and you are fine so I should go!' he said as he made an effort to get up from the bed but was stopped by the sudden presence of Meredith's hand on his fore arm.

'Don't...You don't need to go, there's still plenty left, help me eat it before I get indigestion...Or something…' she smiled as she pointed to the table with one hand…but both very much aware that her other hand still sat shyly on his arm…neither minding the gentle contact between them.

The pair (mainly Meredith) continued to make their way through the food, and Derek couldn't help but ridicule Meredith for her poor cookery skills!

'It's not my fault I can't cook, I lived on hospital food as a child following my mother around, and, well, no one ever taught me, so…I can't cook, don't cook, and will never be trying again!' He heard the hurt in her voice as she mentioned her mother, but chose to ignore it, for now, this wasn't the time to delve.

'and when I finally get out of here I will return to my life of pizza and other carry outs from all of my favourite places, besides my house no longer has a kitchen so it's not like I have anything to ruin anymore!'

'Kitchens can be replaced Mer.' She smiled at the way he shortened her name, how it rolled off his tongue so comfortably, and how it didn't bother that he did it.

The conversation continued to flow between them, and the laughter filled the corridor as the Doctor made his way down to Meredith's room.

'Dr Grey, I appreciate you staying in last night, your observations are all what we would expect, and you are a free woman, I'd say you had to come back in for a check up, but I already spoke to your superior, Miranda is it? And she assures me she will be watching you like a hawk and will ensure your fit to return to work… this is your ride I presume?'

'Ride…' she chocked 'no ride no…he is definitely not my ride, nor will I be riding…'

'Mer, I think what the doctor is trying to say is am I giving you a lift home?' he pointed out, attempting to cut her off and save her any further embarrassment! But failing to keep the smile from his face as he watched the blush spread across her cheeks!

'What, oh, yeah I knew that…what…I did.' She protested as she lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, wishing the world would swallow her up and save her any more humiliation.

'As I was saying you're free to go, and I'm assuming you don't want to be here any longer than you need to be?' He said before heading out and carrying on with his rounds.

The room fell into silence for a few moments, before Derek broke it with an offer he hoped Meredith wouldn't rebuff.

'I could give you a lift.' He offered, you're just sitting her waiting to go home, and here with my car just sitting empty in the parking lot.'

'You don't mind?'

'of course not, I know what it's like to be confined in a small place, I hated it, apart from the company, so please, let me take you home?'

'This is too much, breakfast was more than enough, and you don't have to do this.'

'I want to, let me. Please.'

'Ok.'

_Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself._


	20. Chapter 19 do you hear something?

Chapter 19 – do you hear something?

Meredith couldn't explain what was going on in her head, she wouldn't have been able to even form sentences to try and describe it, as there was no way she could even make sense of it herself, but as she sat in the passenger seat in Derek's car as they made their way towards her house she couldn't help but wish that the journey would take an extra 5 minutes, or that the lights would turn to red and hold them up a little longer so she could remain in his presence.

She had been surprised, yet touched when Derek had arrived with breakfast at the hospital, and she had really enjoyed his company. Her initial reservations of why he would just turn up were soon left pushed to the side as the pair shared laughter and smiles, and he made her relax and forget that she had ruined her kitchen and put herself in a dangerous position. He had come to make sure she was ok, and that confused the hell out of her. Of course she had her friends who cared, but beyond that there really wasn't anyone who had ever made an effort to prioritise her well being before, so this was new and she was genuinely unsure over what any of it meant.

She smiled to herself as she thought back to the journey to the parking lot, Derek taking advantage of her 'patient' status and ensuring she left the building in a wheel chair, much to her embarrassment, and his entertainment! She had gripped her bag to her chest as he had pushed her out towards the elevator but nearly melted when he has asked if she was ok after he had a near miss with the trash can that stood to the side of the door! However she had nearly punched him when he had suggested carrying her into the seat. That was pushing it even for someone acting as dreamy as Derek!

She sat quietly in the car; she hadn't needed to pass directions onto Derek since he had arrived in a fire engine to her house a few short hours ago so he knew where he was going. She was almost scared to speak, in case she said the wrong thing, or generally made a fool of herself…

'_I wanted to.'_

He had chose to visit her, to check up on her, to bring her breakfast, he knew what she may be going through after been in the hospital himself, but at the same time he must have known that her smoke inhalation was nothing compared to his. His lungs must have been burning from the inside out, he had needed prolonged rest to build his strength up and to raise oxygen levels in his body, she however, had burnt a little grilled cheese and created a lot of smoke…but that was nothing in comparison to an apartment fire, nothing…yet he still came.

_'You deserve to hear wonderful things Meredith.'_

Meredith thought back to the conversation she had had in the cafeteria with Mrs Shepherd when she had let her in on the past, in a few short minutes she had been nicer to Meredith more so than her own mother in a lifetime! The shepherd family seemed to live and breathe compassion and understanding.

_'The way you feel when you spot someone for the first time and it feels like your heart is literally going to jump out of your chest'_

Meredith's eyes began to feel heavy, and as she looked out of the window and the fast moving traffic and buildings became blurs as Derek weaved in and out of the other cars on the highway she felt them begin to close….

But she wasn't deaf….she could hear her own heart thumping….but could he…

Meredith Grey was in his car, she hadn't freaked out at his presence, that he could tell anyway, and not only had she appreciated the offer of breakfast but she was now in his car been driven back to her home by him!

When he had chose to ignore her after she rebuffed his attention he had hoped that as some point it would be her who sourced him out, a change of heart to dinner, or a drink, and as hard as it had been to keep his distance he had had to admit to himself that he had missed her! he hadn't actually known how much longer he would have been able to hold on ignoring her, he had been thinking perhaps he could call into the hospital to see Mark, and run into her, or visit the ER and ask to see her to ensure he was in fact fit to return to work, since she hadn't done his final check up, and as he had started his first shift again he had found himself wishing he had her phone number so he could just tell her about how amazing it felt to be back in his uniform and allowed to save lives…

Of course he had never imagined that one of those lives would be hers!

When he had seen her laid out on the table he had felt like his world was crumbling down, the women he had come to think so highly of was lying in a smoke filled room and for a few short minutes he had no idea of how badly hurt she was, and that had scared him to death…

He knew that sounded crazy, she had been his doctor, nothing more, but the feelings he had when she was close to him, and even when she wasn't, was like nothing he had ever experienced before. She made him feel alive inside, forget anything that was on his mind and just enjoy the moment, with her.

His mother used to joke with him growing up about how when you meet the right person you just know…

And as he looked over at the sleeping form of Meredith alongside of him he couldn't help but ask himself the same question he asked every time he saw her…

Do you know?

'Morning' Derek smiled as he sat in the car outside Meredith's house as she woke from her slumber. He had pulled up ten minutes earlier but wasn't sure what to do, she was obviously exhausted and might not have appreciated been woken by him, so he had waited…

'Are you watching me sleep?' she asked as she lifted herself up and checked for drool on herself before completely turning to face him.

'Maybe…' he smiled as he leant forwards and brushed a talon of hair away from her face ' I wasn't sure what to do, you fell asleep half way home and I figured you needed the rest so I…'

'Watched me sleep?' she quizzed as her own hand traced the place his had just rested and she couldn't help but wish his still remained!

'What are you some kid of weirdo who watches women sleep.' She giggled as she began to gather up her belongings.

'No, hell no I'm sorry if you thought…'

'Relax Derek, I get it…I do.'

'Oh so you know?'

'Know? About what?'

'It's just you snore a little.' He said as he instinctively moved his hand up to the same piece of hair that had fallen over her face again.

'What, I do not.' Meredith snapped before batting his hand away.

'I'm sorry but yes you do, I find it charming that such a big noise can come from such a little person.' He laughed before panicking as she began to make her exit from the car, obviously annoyed by his entertainment.

'Do you know what's not charming.' She spat as she made her way down the driveway towards her front door, Derek in hot pursuit.

'What?'

'Been made fun of when you're sick, its cruel.'

'I'm sorry, what? I was just having fun Mer…I didn't mean to cause offense.'

'I'm just saying if you're planning on continuing this doctor façade then you might need to work on your bedside manner that's all.'

CRAP

He smiled to himself as she stopped in her tracks, frozen by her own confession (of sorts)

'Dr Grey is that some backwards way round asking me to stay, to check on the patient….'

CRAP YES YES YES!

He approached up behind her and placed both hands on her arms, feeling her shudder at his touch. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of you in this state, and there is nothing more I'd like then to stick around and make sure you're ok, if you will let me, after all no one is home, and we don't want you creating any more trouble on your own now do we.' He spoke softly, caring, and as he finished his sentence he couldn't help but breathe in the beautiful floral scent of her hair that mesmerized him so much.

'Work…but…don't you have to…'

'They are easing me back in slowly, I'm off till tomorrow so I could stick around, if you want me to?' he smiled as he stepped around Meredith and took the keys from her hand and opening the door. 'After you.' He motioned as he pushed the door open and watched Meredith walk past.

THUMP….

THUMP….

THUMP….

'Mer?'

'Yeah?'

'Do you hear something?'


	21. Chapter 20 i hear it

_THUMP…._

_THUMP…._

_THUMP…._

'_Mer?'_

'_Yeah?'_

'_Do you hear something?'_

'Crap' Meredith thought to herself as she walked into the hall past Derek, she knew her heart was racing but surely he couldn't hear it? Could he? Maybe it was his own heart thumping away in his chest…but then that was just silly that would mean he was having the same feelings as she was, and as she was avoiding her own she wasn't about to question him on his!

'urm no?' she stuttered as he walked along side her and placed her bag on the floor.

'Dude watch where you're putting your elbow' a familiar voice shouted out from the kitchen area.

''I heard that though, no one is meant to be home…that's why you came.'

Derek and Meredith looked at each other a moment, confused to what the banging and crashing was from up ahead. A loud scream, followed by a fit of giggles led both of them to run down the remainder of the hall way and burst into the kitchen.

'what the…' meredith stood speechless as she let her eyes glance around the room, the room she had been planning on avoiding from here on in was now no longer covered in smoke and charcoal, it now stood bare, completely bare, apart from a giggling Alex, Owen, Lexie and Mark in the middle of the room, and a paint covered Cristina spread across the floor, the chair she had previously been standing on spilled to the side.

'Surprise' Cristina huffed as she stood herself up and took in the damage, with more paint now on herself then in the actual paint can she was holding.

'Did you know about this?' she asked Derek, feeling like she was the pawn in a very sneaky chess game all of a sudden.

'What, no, nothing at all, I was actually going to suggest we called people to come take care of it later today, but I guess your friends…and mark had other ideas!'

'Hey I'm Meredith's friend too, besides who decorated every room in mom's house when it needed doing? Definitely not you twinkle toes!' Mark laughed as he turned to the floor and picked up a paint can and brush and walked towards Derek. 'Might as well make use of you whilst you are here.' He quipped as he thrust the paint brush into Derek's hand.

'You didn't pick me up?' Meredith questioned Cristina, as she walked into the room further and looked around at the splashes of colour that were now covering the walls in places.

'I know, I'm sorry, but whilst you were in there, then you weren't here, I wanted to surprise you, so you didn't have to see that result of your cooking skills, it was meant to be a surprise…what are you doing here anyway?'

'Derek picked me up, he brought me breakfast, something about knowing how bad hospital food is, and then I was told I could be discharged so he offered to give me a lift.'

'Awww hero fireman strikes again.' Cristina chuckled as she walked over towards Derek. 'Sloan is right, since you managed to spoil our surprise you can help, get to work.'

'urm, yeah ok, but sorry to point out the obvious but if you are all here decorating Meredith's kitchen then who on earth is saving lives, I better call the station and tell them to take any casualties across town as the entire fleet of doctors from Seattle Grace are currently painting a kitchen!' Derek laughed as he rolled up his sleaves and dipped his brush into the paint.

'Wait, you're not seriously going to paint in that shirt are you, its blue and its nice and it brings out the colour in your eyes….and you shouldn't ruin it, it's smart, you need sweats or a t shirt or something!' Meredith rambled, and everyone in the room stopped to stare at her at the mention of Derek's eyes.

'Oh you're so screwed Mer.' Lexie cut in as she placed a hand on her sister's shoulder.

'His eyes? It's worse than I thought!' Cristina snorted as she turned back to the wall she has previously been painting.

Derek stood, rooted to the spot, unsure of what to say to Meredith after her almost confession…she likes his eyes, and him in the blue shirt so it seemed.

'I didn't, I…I…I'm just going to…I'll be upstairs.' She stammered before turning on her heels and fleeing the room.

'Dude, you can't just leave her like that, Meredith just bared her soul in front of the whole room!'

THUMP  
there was that noise again….

'I'll be right back' he whispered as he made his way out of the kitchen in pursuit of Meredith.

THUMP  
'Third door on the left is my room if you want to get a t shirt.' Alex bellowed behind him 'second drawer down.'

THUMP

Derek took the stairs two at a time as he looked for Meredith. It was just a little comment about his eyes, she was stubborn, she didn't mean anything by it, she was just looking out for him, and his shirt…wasn't she?

THUMP

As Derek got to the landing he noticed a long corridor with doors ether side, great, it's like a hotel or something up here he thought to himself as he made the decision to head into Alex's room first, might as well get a t-shirt whilst he was up there.

He pushed the door ajar and jumped a little to see Meredith rooting inside Alex's drawers.

'Hey.' He smiled as he entered the room 'Alex said it would be ok to get a shirt.'

'Yeah, I heard, I was just going to pick…I mean get something out for you, Alex is particular about his shirts I wouldn't want you painting in his best one.' She smiled as she handed over a navy blue short sleeved t shirt, 'this looks about right.'

Derek reached forward to take the shirt, his fingers brushing past hers as he grabbed the material, and the electricity from the fleeting contact made him recoil slightly. He didn't know what it was about her presence, about her touch, but it made his senses tingle from the end of his toes to the tips of his fingers, and he was starting to believe that she felt it too.

'I…I…need to sleep, I'm exhausted, I'm just going to take a nap whilst you throw paint at walls and..sleep, I'll be asleep…' she stuttered like crazy as she moved past Derek and out into the hall, he took a few small steps behind her, just quick enough to see her disappear into the last door on the left…

It took all his strength not to follow her, but he sensed she needed some time alone with her thoughts.

The group had continued to paint for over an hour, and the kitchen was slowly beginning to look more kitchen like again, the grey and black walls were slowly been replaced with a pleasant shade of green that would light up the room when the sun was at the back of the house in the afternoon. There was still a lot to do, the first coat of paint was drying quickly but it was obviously hiding the shadows underneath and would need another coat before the tell tale reminder of Meredith's grilled cheese sandwich disappeared! Apparently five surgeons and a fireman weren't all that much use at decorating as you may think, and Derek couldn't help but think that somewhere someone could make a fine joke out of their antics…

Just as the group were about to take a small break the sound of five pagers filled the room, the surgeons all looking at each other as they realised whatever it was must be big, for them all to be paged.

Owen grabbed his cell and called into the hospital to get an update, the others all running around the house collecting their things, ready to leave the minute they knew what the score was.

'Incoming trauma, scaffolding collapse on a building site in town, we better get moving.' Owen called as he ran through the house looking for his car keys.

'I'll just tell Mer that we are leaving.' Cristina said as she ran up the stairs to tell her best friend they were off.

'Sorry man duty calls.' Mark smiled as he handed Derek his paintbrush 'just tidy up, that's enough for one day, we can all carry on next time we are off.' He called back before running out of the door.

In the space of a few short minutes Derek had found him alone, in Meredith's kitchen surrounded by paint tins, ladders, overalls, it had been hectic with 6 people getting in one another's way, there had been no structure, no organisation.

But one…he could organise himself.

THUMP.

Derek had set to work, determined to finish the painting around the room, he worked quickly and efficiently, surprising even himself as he moved around the walls in no time at all, ensuring each wall now had at least one coat of paint, and in some cases two. He noticed the chimney breast wall that stood to the side of the kitchen and the little sign cristina had posted there 'do not paint' he looked down to his feet and noticed two rolls of wall paper that were obviously meant for the wall, a feature wall or something, he was sure he had heard one of his sisters going on about how popular they were these days, or how he had seen it on a home make over show of some description whilst waiting for a shout in the fire house!

Derek spread the paper out on the pasting table and made a start in papering the wall, he lay the first piece expertly, and felt almost proud of himself as he moved on and pasted 5 more sheets to fill the wall. The leaved pattern that the paper held really helped to add a touch of character to the room, and as he stood back to admire his handy work he couldn't help but be proud of his skills.

He looked down at his watch and was surprised to see it read 5pm, he had been busy all day and hadn't even stopped for a rest, and meredith hadn't surfaced from her room either, she really must be exhausted he thought to himself. He walked into the hall way and took a bottle of water out of the fridge, Alex had moved it out there earlier to ensure every nook and cranny could be painted, and he had done a good job at cleaning the soot and smoke off the door. As he re-entered the kitchen he found himself smiling as he looked around and took in the room as it was now, each wall was painted, the chimney breast was papered, he had even had time to ensure the corners were cut in perfectly and wiped off any spills along the skirting boards that joined the wall with the original wooden floorboards.

He sat down and leant on the back door, the only place in the room that didn't currently hold wet paint or drying paper and closed his eyes, just for a moment….

'Derek…Derek.'

He woke to find Meredith squat down beside him, her hand on his shoulder shaking him slowly to rouse him from his sleep.

'What…I just closed my eyes, for a second.' He whispered as he found his bearings and realised he was in fact sleeping, resting upon Meredith's back door, he rubbed his eyes as he adjusted to the light, or Lack of it, it was dark, really dark…how long had he been asleep?

'I didn't realise you were still here.' She smiled as she offered him her hand to help him stand, 'Cristina said something about a trauma, I assumed you had all gone.'

'They went, I was just going to tidy up, but it looked so unfinished, it seemed silly to leave it.'

'you did this?' she asked as she flicked the light switch on and looked around the room, the green paint hiding any signs of smoke perfectly, and the feature wall allowing attention to be drawn to it as one would hope!

'Not just me, they helped too, they helped.' He smiled as he stood alongside of Meredith.

'They helped, for what an hour or so? Derek they left around 2pm, it's now nearly…10' she pointed out.

'10, it can't be 10, crap I'm sorry I shouldn't still be here, I just wanted to make it nice in here, so you wouldn't be reminded of what happened, but its late I should get going.' He rambled as he began to move towards the door.

'Wait.' Meredith called as she reached out and grabbed his arm with hers. 'You have been doing this all day, without a break, you must be starving, I know I am.'

Right on cue Derek's stomach growled in such a fashion that there was no denying how hungry he was, with all the painting, and papering, and admiring of his work he had completely forgotten to eat, the last things he had being the food he shared with Meredith that morning.

'See, I definitely heard that.' She smiled as he turned to face her 'Pizza?'

'Pizza would be great.' He whispered as he felt himself moving slowly towards her.

Meredith couldn't explain what happened next, but as she leant up to wipe a fleck of paint off his cheek she had found herself running her fingers through his beautiful black mane of hair and her whole body had felt alive. He had done this for her, even when her friends had left he had stayed, to make things better, to rid her of her worries and her guilt, he had stayed…

Her heart was racing now, their bodies so close as their eyes met, her green emeralds glistening in the light, and his own blue orbs sparkling with want and desire as he closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to hers.

She responded at once, her own lips parting gently to grant him a little access to hers, their lips exploring the others with such care and delicacy that no one could have guessed this was the first time the pair's lips had met, it looked so natural, so perfect…two bodies joined as one.

His own hands moved up to her hair running his fingers through her golden strands as he continued to keep the contact of their lips, before pulling back slightly and holding her head in his hands and staring into her mesmerizing fields of green.

'Are you ok?' he asked, desperately trying to read her face, finding himself holding his breath in anticipation of her answer.

She moved her own fingers up to her lips, touching the now vacant space before allowing herself a slight nod and her breath hitched in the back of her throat unable to let any words escape, wanting more the touch of his lips on hers again.

She could feel her pulse rate rapidly thumping inside her body, and through her sweater and his t shirt she could have sworn she felt his to. She closed the gap between them again, her head spinning with confusion about what was happening, but unwilling for it to stop.

Her own hands were shaking as they reached up and surrounded his neck before running her fingers through the thick beautiful mane of dark curls at the back of his head, and applying a light pressure to bring his face closer to hers again. As their noses brushed against each others, she dared to open her eyes and felt the electricity spark across the room the minute their gaze met.

She felt the fear be replaced with happiness as she saw his eyes light up, a tell tale sign he was smiling...their lips touched again, soft and gentle, neither pushing for more, just enjoying the moment of the contact between them, he parted his lips slightly this time, and she allowed her tongue to explore his crevice, his own tongue massaging against hers, welcoming her to his mouth.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP

'Mer…' he whispered between kisses

'Yeah' she managed to whisper back as she took a step backwards and placed her hand in his.

'I hear it…'

'Me too' she smiled 'me too.'


	22. Chapter 21 excuses

OK BEFORE YOU READ THIS UPDATE I HAVE TO GIVE YOU A WARNING...ITS HOT AND PORNY AND WELL YOU MIGHT NEED A FAN MAYBE ONCE YOU HAVE READ IT SO IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY PORNY UPDATES AND THEY ARENT YOUR THING, OR YOU ARE MAYBE TOO YOUNG FOR THEM THEN PLEASE THAKE THIS AS YOUR WARNING IVE BEEN ASKED IN THE PAST TO PUT UP A WARNIGN IF ITS PORNY...SO HERE IT IS

PORNY ALERT...

ENJOY

**Chapter 21excuses**

Mer…' he whispered between kisses

'Yeah' she managed to whisper back as she took a step backwards and placed her hand in his.

'I hear it…'

'Me too' she smiled 'me too.'

They had meant to have been ordering pizza, but instead the pair stood facing each other in the hall way, pizza, food and any other thoughts long gone out of the window as they remained fixed to the spot, their hands still joined, his thumbs running over the top of her hands, the smallest of touches that showed her so much care, their eyes meeting and creating an electrical current that could surely have lit up the whole of the hospital, the charge was so strong.

She had dreamt about kissing him, many times, and each time she had done her upmost to rid the thoughts from her head because he was her patient, except he wasn't her patient any more, and she had run out of reasons why kissing him was a bad idea, because now that she had kissed him she was pretty sure she wanted to do it some more. He had shown up in the hospital and kept her company, and redecorated her kitchen, himself; he had done all of that – for her.

She had walked into the kitchen and seen him sleeping against her door, the same door he had come rushing through not so long ago and possibly saved her life! His head had rested on the wooden panels, and his over grown hair had framed his forehead in such a way that it just highlighted even more how beautiful he was, he had paint splattered all over him and he had just looked so…so…Hot, she knew that was cheesy as he was a fire-fighter, but he just had it, whatever it was! And he wasn't a patient, not any more; she could have met him anywhere, Joes, the store, anywhere…

'Penny for them?' He smiled as he lifted his hand up out of hers and tucked the stray tassels of hair behind her ear, and without realising she responded to his touch and moved her head into his hand as he cupped her face in his hand and pulled her closer to him, covering her lips with his and placing the gentlest of kisses on to hers.

'I was just…'

'Thinking of an excuse to stop this?' Derek asked, hurt written across his face as he took a step back away from Meredith.

'What? No, not that no, anything but actually.' She smiled as she finished and closed the gap between them once more, forcing him to take a step back until he was stopped only by the wall, she placed her hands on his chest and looked up into his beautiful blue pools, her breath catching in the back of her throat as she took in his chiselled features, and began placing small, delicate kisses along his jaw line, her body moulding in to his as he wrapped his arms around her and began running his finger tips up and down her spine, over each vertebrae, each time pressing slightly harder, as she moaned a little more into his jaw, her lips never losing contact, her breath just heating up each time he pressed again.

'I don't want to.' She murmured through the kisses 'I don't want to make excuses; I'm tired of making excuses.'

He could tell she was smiling now; the way her lips had curled had tickled his jaw.

'so you have been making them?' he smirked as he placed his hands either side of her face, brushing her hair back off her face and starring directly into her green-grey whirlpools of desire. He kissed her quickly, the slightest of touches before pulling away again.

'Them?'

'Excuses', you said you're tired of making them, so that means you have wanted this…for as long as I have?' he whispered now as he watched her eyes turn a darker shade of green before he lost her gaze as she looked towards the floor.

'It was just…and I couldn't help but think, and this isn't me, I don't, no one has ever shown me any…'

'Mer you do realise that made no sense at all.' He smiled as he placed a finger under her chin and raised her head back up to face him, her own cheeks flushed now, a pinkish glow radiating from them…enjoyment, and embarrassment….he wasn't sure which.

'I was thinking things, things I shouldn't have been thinking, and then I spoke to your mom and she explained about the thump…and then it hit me…and then I heard it every time I saw you…so it was easier to run, because there are two things I think I do well in this world – cut and run, simple, three letter words, so easy to say but perfection needed in each.'

'So you ran from me?'

'Kind of, or I tried, but for the first time in my life it was running through mud, you were hard to get away from.'

'Because you didn't want to get away?'

'Maybe?'

'So now you're not running, and you kissed me, runners definitely don't do that.' He laughed as he pulled her in close to him and felt her relax in his arms, her insecurities and fears disappearing with every moment that passed. 'But if this is too much, if you want me to go, I can go?'

'No, stay…please…stay.' She whispered from his chest as she ran her fingers up over his shoulders and around the back of his neck. Her fingers darting into the dark curls at the base of his neck as she lifted her head to face him, he lowered his own head until his forehead was touching hers and the pair shared a smile that suggested that just maybe they could do this.

'Are you still hungry?' she asked as she took a step away and headed for the phone that sat on the small table to the side of the door.

'Not for pizza.' He smirked as he followed her and placed his hand on top of hers to stop her from picking up the phone. He moved her hair away from her neck and pressed light kisses into her delicate peach skin at the nape of her neck. He felt her body react at once, as she shivered at his touch, the tiny hairs on the back of her neck standing on end as he continued to press light kisses along her skin, and his stubble from his chin scratched along causing her to moan out as the friction began to drive her crazy.

He took her by surprise as he picked her up and pressed up against the front door, holding her hands up above her head as he continued to kiss down past her ear and back to her neck, the moans she was allowing escape proving to him just how much she wanted this.

He moved his hand down over her top, massaging her breasts through the grey t shirt that adorned her body, moaning in response as he felt her nipples hardening beneath his palm. He pulled at her shirt and lifted it off her as she began to grab his own shirt, he took her breast in his hands and pushed her bra strap off her shoulder before she reached around and undid the clasp herself, her breasts falling free and he instinctively dipped his head down and took her nipple in his mouth, her fingers lacing through his hair, pulling tighter at it with every flick of his tongue against her.

He wanted to be inside her, he wanted to be inside of her more then perhaps he had wanted anything, he wanted to savour the moment and enjoy covering her in kisses, and finding out what made her scream and what didn't but he was hoping there would be time for that later, he bit down gently on her nipple, and moaned with pleasure as she gasped loudly at the sensation, her fingers clawing at his face to pull him back up to her lips, desperate to feel his hot breath on her mouth again. Her fingers spun into his hair and pulled it harshly, causing his mouth to abandon her nipple and reach up to press his lips against hers again.

'Oh…God…' she managed to force out as their tongues fought for power over the other as her fingertips began exploring his bare chest, desperate to not leave a speck of flesh left untouched.

'Mer' Derek growled as he pressed her harder up against the door, his erection straining in his pants, desperate to be let free to have a chance to bury itself deep inside her wetness.

Her hands moving further down his body, and her palm flashed across his crotch, a mischievous smile falling across her lips as she felt his size and hardness through the jeans he was wearing.

'Should we…' he motioned to the stairs as he felt her step away slightly from him, but a gentle shake of her head had him grasping for his breath as she allowed her long fingers to begin to unhook his belt buckle, before moving down his zipper, and he urgently kicked himself free of his jeans, as she continued her desire to rid him of his clothes as she slid his boxers down his toned legs, gasping as she took in the size of him before her.

She was in control now as she backed him up against the door, and wrapped her fingers around him and began to move over him, feeling his size grow even bigger within her palm, her eyes amazed at the pulsations in her hand.

'Fuck…Mer, my god….' His moans reflected off all the walls as he pushed into her hand, desperate for her to keep contact with him, as he reached forwards and began the task of freeing her of her own pants…she responded at once and stepped out of them, leaving them both naked and fully exposed in the hallway of her house.

The pair stopped for a second and took in the sight of each other before the other, a small smile creeping over Derek's lips as he ran his hand gently over her cheek.

'What?' she asked, her heart practically thumping out of her chest with such a desire to be with him.

'You…' he whispered as he crashed his lips to hers, 'You are beautiful.' He picked her up in his arms, as she wrapped her legs around his back and touched her forehead to his, their noses brushing against one another, their eyes sparkling in the evening light, both radiating happiness behind their glass orbs as he lifted her gently up the stairs and headed for her room, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake downstairs.

'Derek?' Meredith asked as he placed her down on the bed and stood between her legs, placing kisses across her forehead.

'Yeah?' he moaned as he felt her take him in her hand again.

'I wish…I wish I'd never made excuses.' She grinned as she reached for something in the bedside drawer, ripped the foil packet with her teeth and used her hands to eagerly cover him.

Just hearing those words made him groan in excitement, hearing how much she wanted him made him need to be inside her even more then moments ago.

He lay her down on the bed and pushed his fingers deep inside of her wetness, 'oh Mer…so…wet' he moaned as he flicked her clit with his thumb as his fingers explored her deep cavern.

'Oh…Oh…' she tried to form a sentence but she was quickly losing all control of her body as his fingers continued to penetrate her, each thrust making her tighten her grip on him.

'Now…Please….Now…' she managed to let the words escape as she all but begged him to move inside of her,

He didn't need asking twice as he withdrew his fingers and pushed his hips down thrusting inside of her, his sapphire blue eyes turning to a darker navy shade as the sheer want took over his body as he sucked on her lower lip and felt her nails dig into the skin on his back.

'Fuck..oh…'

He thrust into her again, as she pressed her hips up into him, a small action that would have been missed, unless you were on the receiving end of the small movement, in that second he was granted deeper access and he felt her moan in pleasure as he moved faster and deeper into her once again.

'Der….harder…oh…fu….' her words trailed off as crashed his lips into hers and started a fresh battle of their tongues, each desperate to have control over the other.

'Goddddddd.' He screamed as Meredith moved off his mouth and began to nibble onto his neck and shoulder, digging in slightly to make him moan

'merrrrrr…fuck….'

He felt her walls begin to clench around him as their breathing became faster, and their cries swept over them in unison as their bodies began to tremble and shudder as their orgasms began to build.

He screamed in ecstasy as her walls clamped down and held him tight as she came fast and hard, she own screams and tremors causing him to tip over the edge as he came seconds after her.

'oh…holy…hell…oh….'

'God…that was…'

'yeah'

'just…yeah…Derek?'

'yeah?'

'Nothing, just….wow'

He untangled himself from her, desperate to not have his weight crashing down on her ad he lay back on the pillow, a smile so large forming on his face as she tucked into his side and placed her head on his chest, as if listening to his heart beat.

He stroked her back, and allowed himself to come down off the high he was currently experiencing, minutes passing as nether of them broke the silence before Meredith finally spoke up.

'Derek? Do you think you could…I mean….'

'What is it? Do you want me to go? He panicked, scared he had gone too far and this hadn't been what she wanted.

She shot up at once and looked down into his eyes, fear etched across them.  
'What? No…is that what you want? To just go? I thought…'

'Meredith I don't want to go, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be.'

'But you said?'  
'I thought that was what you meant, I thought….'

He didn't have chance to finish his explanation as Meredith moved to straddle him and silenced him with a kiss.

'What I was trying to say was…do you think we could try it again…but slow…?'

'Slow? Oh I can do slow…I can do incredibly slow.'


	23. Chapter 22 good morning

Chapter 22 – good morning

Fast…they had done fast, and furious and somewhat animalistic, and given in to the desire that both had been harbouring for some time, and it had been amazing as he had furiously built her up to an orgasm, an orgasm in which her whole body had shook and had been felt from the ends of her toes to the final millimetres of a strand of hair, she had been surprised (pleasantly) by his size, and even when she thought he was as hard as he could possibly be he had smirked as he had grown harder inside her tipping her over the edge of all she knew as they came together….

But then there had been slow…

Slow…

Even the thought of slow made her quiver and tingle with the idea of what it was and as she lay in the darkness, her head rested upon his chest she could feel her heart beat quicken as she thought back over what the last few hours had entailed.

They had done slow and Meredith was pretty sure that she had experienced the orgasms of all orgasms, she had lost count of how many times she had needed to scream his name as he had built her up to an intense level that she had never experienced before, and she smiled to herself as she thought back to how perfectly they had fit together, there had been no awkward moments, surprisingly little nerves, and at that moment she didn't care if she had ever had sex again as she was pretty sure nothing would ever top what she had experienced…hell, who was she kidding, she couldn't wait to have sex again, with Derek…as long as it was Derek….

This was new, Meredith couldn't explain why she felt so content (and it wasn't just down to the fact that she had had the most amazing, spine tingling, wonderful sex, with the world's most perfect man!) She had a past of meeting life's low lives who would promise her the world and snatch her way her trust in an instant, or men who wanted one thing, and one thing only…and she had decided in the past that she could live her life like that and played them at their own game - men in bars…never needing more from one another than a quick fumble…and then she had got bored of that and decided that it was better to be on her own than with someone who had no desire in seeing her again…

and then now there was Derek.. he wasn't leaving in the middle of the night, he had made her feel like the most important person in the world as he had showered her in kisses, and he had pulled her in close to his chest as he had given into exhaustion and fallen asleep…she smiled to herself as for the first time she realised that perhaps she really was wanted, in one night Derek had made her feel more loved than anyone or anything from her past, a small sigh escaping from her lips as she realised that in fact no one had ever made her feel loved or wanted…

She knew she should be asleep; she had slept earlier in the day as Derek had continued to work on the kitchen, and she had certainly done a lot of exercise the last few hours, but as she lay, comfortable in his arms she didn't want to close her eyes and miss a second of this…

She had no idea yet if it was going to last.

As the light began to flood into the bedroom as the early morning broke, the sunlight nestled in-between the small crack in the curtains and illuminated the sleeping pair wrapped around one another, and as Derek began to wake a familiar scent of lavender filled his senses and as he slowly opened his eyes he remembered exactly where he was and he couldn't help but smile as he turned slightly and pulled her sleeping form even closer into him, her arms instantly wrapping around him in her sleep, the pair at ease and exactly where they wanted to be.

He kissed her forehead as he ran his fingers over her cheek and felt an incredible sense of belonging, he had wanted this to happen for a long time now, but he had almost began to accept that she wouldn't let him in…but she had, last night she had, and she had made it clear that this wasn't something she had just decided upon, she had wanted it too, all that time she had been having the same feelings as him and as he lay there listening to the small tiny snores that escaped from her he couldn't help but prey that she wouldn't wake up and regret this but to him this was perfect.

He smiled as he thought back over last night's bedroom gymnastics, what had started frenzied and frantic as they gave in to their thumping hearts…

Fast had been…just wow, he couldn't help but smile from ear to ear as he thought back to the moment he entered her and sent her into a frenzy as she begged for him to make her scream, it was enough of a thought to make his cock begin to twitch again as he remembered the orgasm that had taken over his own body as he had felt her walls clamp down around him, it was just…intense, and then the way she had rolled his name off her tongue, just because she could…she had said it with such love and affection that he had never wanted the moment to end…

And then there had been slow… slow and tender and in a few short hours (he smiled as he remembered the marathon session that they had both given their all too) he had relearned everything he ever knew about being with a women and he couldn't help but think meredith was it for him…which was scary and huge…and something he definitely had to keep to himself cause that would freak her out more so then it was already freaking him out!

He had always thought he had had good sex in the past, he liked to think that he was ok in the bedroom department and he had certainly never had any complaints…but it had been a while, and he hadn't realised how much he had been missing out on because sex with Meredith Grey was mind blowing and he couldn't get enough of it.

But the biggest thing as he lay there breathing her in was that he just couldn't get over how perfect they had been together, the sex he had in the past had been just that…sex, but it felt wrong to classify what he had shared with meredith as sex…he wasn't stupid, he knew technically that is what they had had but it was more, so much more…their bodies hadn't just met last night, their minds had connected, and his heart had made it more than clear that this was something special. As he looked down at her fingers delicately stroking his side, her body still resting after the eventful days, he closed his eyes once again and prayed that this was the start of something…

Meredith stirred a couple of hours later and as she stretched out in the bed, the smile that she held on her face quickly disappeared as she realised she was alone in the bed.

She shot up in the middle of the bed and looked around the room for a sign of Derek, but saw none. Her heart sank as she shook her head as she feared she had been completely wrong about the man she thought she could trust, she should have known, he was a man and obviously thought with his penis the same as every other male in the world. She felt her eyes prickle with tears as she tried to rid herself of just how perfect last night had been, he was good…at the act, he certainly knew how to charm a girl into bed,

How could she have been so gullible…

'Good Morning' his familiar tones filled the room as he appeared at the door leaning on the door frame, a tray laden with breakfast in his hands, dressed back in the trousers he had discarded in the hall way last night, his own button down shirt back in place, but open exposing his toned and beautiful chest.

'You..you're…you didn't…' Mer stumbled over her words as she cast her eyes over the view before her, taking in his presence as he took a few short steps over towards the bed and lay the tray down on the bedside table before sitting down beside her and pushing her hair behind her ear, worried as to why she looked so concerned.

'are you ok?' he asked worried as to why she looked so disheartened after the amazing night they had shared 'oh my goodness, you want me to go ?'

'What? No.'

'Then why the tears?' he responded as he brushed a stray tear off her cheek and held his finger out for her to see the evidence for herself.

'I thought…I woke up and I was hoping…and then I looked and yoy weren't here and I just assumed…'

'you thought I had gone?'

She nodded her head as she refused to meet his stare, disappointed in herself for doubting him, and embarrassed for letting him see how affected by this she was.

'why would I go? You had a brand new kitchen down there just asking to be used.' He giggled, relief washing over him as he heard a slight snigger coming from her.

'using me for my appliances?' she laughed as she looked up and allowed her gaze to meet his, the bluest sky meeting the greenest grass, silence falling between the pair as they both leant forwards and allowed their lips to meet again, the smallest, most delicate touch that said so much to both of them…

This was ok…

Derek intensified the kiss a little, fighting for entrance into her cavern, his tongue battling hers as he lay her back carefully on the bed and took care not to squash her with his frame as he lay down over her….

A loud rumble made them both jump, as Meredith blushed, pink spreading over her cheeks as her stomach made it clear it was waiting no longer for food.

'I think someone wants breakfast?' he chuckled as he sat up and retrieved the tray, placing it carefully on the bed between the pair, Meredith's eyes growing wide at the sight before her.

'I didn't know what you would want, and since you ate everything at the hospital I thought I better provide the same again.'

She smiled as she leant forwards, and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead before turning back to the delights before her and tucked in.

It didn't take long for Meredith to try a little of everything and the plates began to clear, and as she lay back against the headboard Derek moved the tray and settled in beside her.

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome; I knew you'd be hungry.'

'Not for that...Breakfast was nice, delicious, thank you, but what I meant, what I'm trying to say…thank you for staying.' She whispered as she tucked into the nook of his arm and snuggled down into his chest 'and for the kitchen...And I'm glad you used it, because I don't think I ever will again so someone might as well use it.'

'Mer?'

'Yeah'

'Thank you too.'

'What for?'

'Not freaking out.'

'Oh I am…but not in a bad way, I'm happy and last night was just…I dunno how to explain it, I don't talk, I'm immune or something, but with you…it just feels…good, you make me feel good.'

'You make me feel good too…' he smiled as he felt her begin to move from her resting place next to him and over until she was straddling him again…

'Mer…we both nowhere this ended last night.' He smiled as he ran his hands up along her thighs and moved her forwards slightly so she was resting over him.

'I know.' She smiled as she ducked her head and covered his lips with hers as she pushed her hips down a little, a small gasp escaping as she felt the tightness grow in his pants.

'Slow?'

'Definitely…incredibly slow…'

'MEREDITH GREY WHY IS YOUR UNDERWEAR WHORING UP MY HALLWAY….'

The pair sprang apart as the sound of Cristina's yells filled the air as Meredith jumped up off the bed and threw a pillow at Derek, who was now laughing at the sight of her running around the room throwing clothes on.

'Seriously….. you picked your own clothes up but not mine?' she spat as she struggled to pull on her leggings, losing her balance as she jumped from foot to foot before landing in a heap on the floor which only helped to intensify Derek's amusement!

'Are you ok.' He chortled as he lay flat out onto his stomach on the bed, his head now within inches of hers as he watched her struggle on the carpet to pull her pants up over her legs.

Cristina barged into the room, taking nobody's privacy into account as she threw the door back 'Either you were doing some sleep stripping or have you got a man in here….'

She stopped at the sight before her.

A half naked Derek spread eagle on the bed dissolved in laughter and an even more naked Meredith tangled in lycra, blushing in a heap on the floor.

'Ok…this is awkward…' She announced as she backed out of the room, trying her upmost to not process what she thought she had just witnessed, she never had Meredith down as the sex game type!

'She's gone…where were we?' he grinned as he slipped down of the bed and took her leggings in his hand, pulling them back off before moving himself back over the top of her.

'The floor?' she questioned as she parted her legs a little and allowed him to settle between them.

'Why not.'

Downstairs Cristina was amazed as she walked into the newly decorated kitchen, she was all set for a nonstop day of rollers and pasting tables, yet here it was, complete.

As she made her coffee and settled down at the table to read the morning paper her mind was alerted to a noise she hadn't heard before….and the scream that followed had her reaching for her car keys and heading for the door.

'You have got to be kidding me….'


	24. Chapter 23 inferno

Meredith was alone now, Derek had been called into work for an emergency on the other side of town and all the wagons had been needed so he had needed to make a quick exit and head to the station, he had left with a promise to call her later. In the past Meredith would have known that to be code for 'thanks for the fun, see you around' but with Derek it was different, it was new, something just felt so right and if she was honest she couldn't wait to hear from him again, or see him again or well climb into bed with him again if she was honest because the past 12 hours or so had been pretty much the best few hours of her life! She smiled as she thought back to waking up in his arms, how amazing that felt to her, the closeness…for the first time she had experienced 'the moment afterwards' that she had heard about in movies or on the TV and never understood, but with Derek – the moment after wards was just as special as everything that had gone before! She knew that sounded crazy, it had happened once…and that definitely wasn't enough!

Meredith couldn't really explain the way she felt, and didn't even really recognise herself, she didn't do relationships, no one ever stuck around, she had been alone for such a long time unwilling to let anyone in…her whole life it had just been her, or so it seemed her mother was hardly a good trade off! But now as she thought of Derek, even the sheer thought of his name made her heart rate speed up and allowed the thumping to begin!

Meredith stood in her new kitchen and admired Derek's handy work, a small smile on her lips as she took in his hard work a new feeling in her heart as she realised that this was perhaps the nicest thing, or most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for her. She knew her friends had all offered to help, but when they had all been paged into the hospital he had decided to stay and complete the work on his own, determined to make her forget the disaster that had occurred.

As she wandered over to make some coffee she couldn't help but wish that she had given into her feelings sooner, because she didn't want this mood to end, as she approached the fridge to retrieve some milk she smiled as she noticed a small plate resting carefully on the top shelf with a small note resting on the side.

_Eat me…. 1 minute in the microwave to warm me up! Derek x_

And just below the writing his number stood out in bold…

She laughed as she retrieved the grilled cheese 'I was raised by the microwave' she mumbled to herself as she followed his instructions and set the heat for 60 seconds, before flicking on the radio and allowing the latest hits to fill the eerie silence in the house.

She stood watching the plate revolving inside of the microwave, not risking taking her eyes off it for a second, after all last time she had done that the whole kitchen had been destroyed! She wasn't stupid she new technically she couldn't burn the house down….again… with a 60 second warming of the sandwich…but even so knowing her luck there would be an electrical fire and the whole place would go up!

As she sat down at the table and prepared to tuck in she snapped a quick picture of the sandwich, punched in his number and then sent…

'Thank you x'

She knew he wouldn't get it for a little while as he would be busy in work, but she hoped after the horror of whatever he would be facing that the picture would make him smile enough to help him forget.

She jumped a little as she heard the front door slam, and smiled as she watched her best friend enter the kitchen.

'Please don't tell me you cooked that?' Cristina gasped as she ran towards the grill and began inspecting the newly decorated kitchen for damage. 'Seriously Meredith how can you be so irresponsible did you not learn your lesson….'

'Cristina relax, I didn't cook.' She laughed as she continued to watch her friend run her fingers over the work tops inspecting every last inch of the marble.

'Oh and how did that sandwich get onto your plate? The cheese fairy?'

'I don't think he would like that name?'

'He…oh…Mcdreamy….'

'Mc what?'

'Mcdreamy, its what I call him….I mean he rescues you from a fire, he brings you breakfast in the hospital… it appears he made you lunch… he somehow manages to have perfect hair even though he wears a helmet for a living…..and well the noises you were making make me assume he is a god in the bedroom….so pretty much the whole package….dreamy…'

'noises?' Meredith groaned as she felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she was joined at the table by Cristina who quickly swiped the other side of the sandwich and took a bite.

'Hey that's mine.'

'You made me run from the house with mental images I really didn't need, you owe me this' cristina laughed.

The pair sat in silence for a few moments eating their food, before Cristina took the lead and broke the quiet.

'Was he good? I mean, he looks like he'd be good, was it any good?

'Cristina!'

'What come on I'm not getting any…'

Meredith laughed as she continued to eat her sandwich, her fingers running over the small card that he had left with the instructions.

'What is this? You're letting him stick around? You want him to stick around?' cristina asked, a puzzled expression on her face as she took in the sight before her….she had never seen Meredith like this before….happy…content….not running from a member of the opposite sex who so much as mentioned a second date….

'Maybe….I've changed…maybe today is the day when dark and twisty Meredith becomes bright and shiny or whatever!'

'Wow you have changed; swapping numbers, blushing…this is….new!'

'Tell me about it!'

'I mean are you ok? This isn't you, I don't mean to be rude but Meredith Grey queen of darkness has one night stands, doesn't allow anyone to get close to her….doesn't think she deserves happily ever after….is happy? You're happy?'

'I think so yeah….for now, I'm happy, and I owe it to myself to try, I have to try my heart wont let me do any other!'

_Breaking news….The Emergency services are at the scene…as the estate is currently unused it is not thought there are any casualties inside…..fire fighters from across the city are tackling the inferno…._

Meredith's blood ran cold as her attention was drawn to the news that was billowing from the radio…. She jumped up in order to turn the volume up, her heart pounding inside her chest another entirely new emotion ripping through her body….

Fear….

_Crews have been on the scene for almost an hour…..reports suggest six teams are battling their way through the flames to try and find the source….. The others remain on the periphery as they attempt to bring the flames under control._

''Mer?' Cristina asked, concerned as she witnessed her friend grip tight hold of the counter top to steady herself.

'He is there….' She whispered as she fixed her gaze on the small black box that was carrying the news.

'He is…but he is doing his job, he is trained for this.'

'The last time he went on a shout like that he ended up in the ER' Meredith snapped as she listened patiently for more news.

_Reporters are at the scene and updates will be available on our sister TV channel King 5 as soon as we have them…._

With that Meredith flew out of the room and practically threw herself at the TV as she wrestled with the remote to get the correct channel on the screen, but the remote fought her every inch of the way, before she launched it at the wall….

'Well that was clever' cristina sighed as she picked up the pieces and made her way over to the TV and pressed the buttons on the front of the box until the channel Meredith required filled the screen.

The sight before them made them both sit back on the couch in silence….

Two pairs of eyes now fixed on the horror on the screen….

Her phone clutched tight in her hand….

Derek sat in the locker room at the station, his head in his hands, exhausted, tears resting on his lower lids, his dazzling blue eyes too tired to even blink them away. He had left to attend the fire almost 18 hours ago and now as his body screamed out for sleep he couldn't help but think of the horror he had just witnessed.

He had had what could only be described as a day from hell, or more specifically an afternoon and night from hell as the morning had been pretty much perfect with Meredith, a huge fire at a disused industrial estate on the other side of town had seen gas canisters and oil drums exploding leaving flames roaring into the sky and the fire all but impossible to control.

Derek had, until then been on a relatively light duty after his smoke inhalation but he had been thrown straight back into the action when this call had come through and all crews in the city had been asked to respond.

He was used to working as a team, if you didn't in his job then lives would be risked and situations would be made a million times worse. As he had approached the fire he was amazed to see how much damage had already been done, flames shot in all directions, and explosions could be heard from the confinement of the estate.

'_Lieutenant Shepherd and two companies ready.' Derek addressed the senior captain as he jumped down from the truck and directed his crew over to the nearest pumps and demanded they started action._

'_It is assumed the estate is empty, its stood vacated for almost a year but obviously we will no more once the flames are gone….No apparent cause as yet Lieutenant but as you can see its big, biggest I've fought in 20 years so its going to be a long day…maybe night.'_

'_Whats the current situation?'_

'_three companies to the East of the factory are working on containing the flames within the confinements of the perimeter of the estate, to the North two companies have been dispatched to attempt to reduce the flames and begin to made head way into the estate, The south sees 4 crews attempting to dampen the flames, and here in the West its pretty much the same, we nee to keep the fire as controlled as possible, get some of the fire cranes up and start to dampen from above, the air service are on stand bye for a water drop, but at the moment the flames would cause more danger to them, they cant get close enough.'_

_Derek went into auto pilot, there was no room for abstaining, or waiting, with such a horrendous picture before him, it was hoped their were no casualties inside, but the size of the flames and the heat radiating from the inferno meant it would be impossible to get in to anyone with things as they were…so as a team they had to look out for one another, keep each other safe…. Fire-fighters – all with people who would be worried about them as the news broke….._

_Meredith._

_He had to rid himself of his worry as he pulled on his mask and started the crane off the truck to reach up and provide the first attack from a height….crews around him quickly following suit attempting to harass the flames from all angles._

He lay back on the bed, his body aching and his hands covered in soot as he still needed to shower but his legs seemed unable to provide him with the strength he needed to raise himself up off the bed.

'_Team down…code 100, code 100….'_

_The alert spread through the teams as they continued to battle the flames and bring them under control. They had been out there for 7 hours already and for every flame that seemed to be combated another seemed to combust and make matters worse once again and now_

_Code 100…a team were in danger…._

He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to comprehend what had happened, scared to close his eyes as the backs of his eyes proved to be movie screens playing out to be a terrible horror film.

'_A wall on the east has collapsed and we have 4 men down.' The captain explained to Derek, his head bowed low…. The flames were huge, uncontrollable and the east had started making progress into the estate to try and combat the flames from inside, inch by inch. But the structure was shaky and hadn't held on well and had seen a stud wall collapse, trapping the men in its grasp._

'_Can we…?'_

'_At this moment…no….the path they had created has collapsed behind them, there is no clear way through and sending a crew in would only in danger more lives…'_

_Derek shook with fear, like anyone would have done in that situation…four men had lost their lives…the inferno was just too fierce….._

'Shep….Shep… get down here….'

The call from the station below shook him from his thoughts as he finally blinked away the tears from his eyes, the drops leaving clear paths along his blackened cheeks as he dragged his body up from the bed, took a deep breath and looked ahead of him, the thought of the stairs made him groan so he moved towards the pole instead and slid down to the lower level.

'What?' he grumbled as he landed on the floor with a thud and looked towards the call room where he saw one of his men, James motion towards the door at the front of the station.

He made his way around the engine, his weary legs barley moving before a familiar scent began to fill his senses, and his slow walk sped up slightly eager to make his way to the door.

'Meredith.' He whispered, a small smile spreading across his tear stained face as his eyes fell on the women who hours earlier he had held in his arms with no worries in the world.

'You…you're…. ok?' she stumbled over her words, the fear evident for anyone to hear,

'I'm…ok…' he stuttered, sheer exhaustion taking hold of his body as he began to close the gap between himself and her, an action she mirrored as she too moved towards him.

'the news…it was bad…fire and flames….and….' she began to ramble as he drew nearer, her eyes darting all over his body desperate for signs of hurt or distress.

'It was.' He whispered as he moved into the light and for the first time allowed Meredith to see the devastation that rested across his face.

'oh…'

'I still need to shower.'

'but you're ok?' she quizzed, as she stepped closer again, this time reaching up and running her fingers through his dark, flattened locks. Before tracing the path his tears had taken through the soot on his cheeks with her finger and pressing a soft, delicate kiss to his lips, as if scared to hurt him.

He responded at once pulling her closer to him and deepening the kiss, his body relaxing with the feel of hers in his. His fingers running through her hair to hold it off her face as he failed to hold onto the tears that had been at the back of his eyes the whole time.

'Derek…'

'It…it…was awful…' he sobbed as he held onto her tightly, and took comfort in the palms of her hands running circles around his back.

'I know…I know….'

'I meant to call…' he whispered, 'when I got back I saw your text and I would have called….'

'I know.' She smiled as she took his hand in his and forced his blue orbs to meet her emerald green mirrors. 'You need to sleep.

'I do.'

'Come on….' She ordered as she walked back into the station and dragged him carefully by the hand.

'What?'

'Get your things!'

'I can't make it back to my house Mer, not now; I might as well just sleep here.' He pointed out as Meredith turned to face him with a smile. 'You're smiling?'

'Stay with me?'

Derek had collected his things quickly, slightly rejuvenated compared to moments before Meredith's arrival, for so long he had had no one…he had gone out on a call and no one had entered his head or his thoughts apart from his mother of cause…but Meredith…he had cared, and she too had needed to know he was ok.

As most of Seattle was preparing for a new day, a day in work, or shopping, or education two exhausted bodies collapsed into bed in Harper Lane wrapped around one another, neither willing to let the other go, no words spoken as their eyes closed but the closeness between the new lovers evident for the world to see.


	25. Chapter 24 back

Chapter 24 back

There hadn't been a lot of talking as each had collapsed into bed, a quick, fleeting kiss of their lips had all they had managed before the exertions of the past couple of days had taken over their bodies and each had had to surrender to the fatigue it felt.

Meredith and Derek slept for almost 12 hours straight, both exhausted and at ease in each other's arms, their bodies wrapped around close, her head rested upon his chest, and his arms holding her tight as her hair flowed gently with the peaceful raising and falling of his breathing. Even the lull of her snoring had failed to stop Derek from sleeping as his body rested from the marathon call out he had attended. It wasn't until his phone began to ring and the shrill ripped through the silence of the night that the pair was disturbed as Derek attempted to lean over to the bedside table to retrieve it, but as he pressed the answer button he felt her begin to wriggle in his grasp.

'Hello.' He whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair in an attempt to help her fall back to sleep.

'Hey Man, I'm In Joes and I was thinking you should come and meet me!' Marks familiar voice infiltrated his brain as he wiped the sleep from his eyes and cast a glance at the clock.

'Mark its late.'

'What are you on about? Its 9pm that's hardly late, besides you worked into the night last night which means you slept all day right? Come on man live a little!'

'Live a little? Mark four men died yesterday, we battled the flames for over 8 hours, and they still died, so excuse me if I don't really feel like living a little right now. Enjoy Joes.' Derek spat, a little ruder then he expected to 'We were asleep and now - We're not!'

'Oh I get it you and Grey doing the horizontal samba?'

'Mamba…but not now, now we are sleeping good night Mark!' he spat as he closed his phone and threw it onto the bedside table that stood next to the bed.

'You could go if you want?' Meredith murmured as she moved closer into Derek and ran her fingers over his chest, reaching up and pressing her lips to his, a smile spreading across her face from cheek to cheek as the stubble of his chin tickled her face.

'Why would I want to go and meet Mark? Mark can't do that!' he smirked as he pulled her over him until she was resting across his body, the only thing separating the pair was the sheer fabric of the old t shirts each of them was wearing.

'Well I hope he doesn't, not with you anyway' she laughed as she sat up slightly and lifted her t shirt over her head, releasing her breasts into his full view, as she grabbed at his own t shirt and began to lift it up off his body.

'Here was me thinking you were tired?' he mumbled as he wriggled out of his t shirt and leant forwards taking a nipple in his mouth, flicking the nub with his tongue, it turning hard at the slightest feel of his tongue on her.

'I was, but Mark woke me up…so for this you can thank Mark.' She smirked as she ducked her head and began pressing kisses into his neck.

'Mmmmm Mer…why did we wait' he whispered as his heart rate quickened.

'I don't know.' She smiled as she moved herself lower covering his chest in light delicate kisses, his fingers weaving through her hair as she continued her journey south.

'Mer…'

BRRRRRRRRRIIINNNNGGGGGG BRRRRRRRRRIIINNNNGGGGGG!

'Urgh.' Derek moaned as he reached over to retrieve the phone as Meredith continued to inch his pants down, his cock pulsing as she prepared to take him deep in her mouth, licking her lips as she looked up at Derek who winced at the thought of what was to come, the glint in Meredith's eye enough to make him grow harder again, the muscle throbbing as her lips moved nearer.

'Mark I swear to God…' he managed to force out as Meredith encompassed his cock with her mouth, the warm heat of her cavern forcing his hips to buck up off the bed before an unfamiliar voice infiltrated his brain from down the phone.

'Grey? Dr Meredith Grey please.'

'Oh crap…sorry…yeah just a moment she is right here. Meredith…Meredith.' He called, urgency in his voice as he moved her away from his cock as he handed her the phone, his eyes falling on it to realise he had answered the house phone and not his cell.

'Seriously?' she whispered as she sat up and retrieved the phone. 'Meredith Grey.'

'Dr Grey, I'm sorry to bother you at home but your pager wasn't working.'

'That's because I'm on leave until tomorrow, smoke inhalation!'

'I'm sorry Dr Bailey asked me to call, flu season has taken over and the staff are depleted and she has an incoming trauma that requires a resident…she asked for you.'

'Dr Bailey asked for me?'

A mumble and rustling on the line meant Meredith had to take the phone away from her ear for a moment as the vibrations rattled against the ear piece.

'Grey…' the familiar sound of her attending filled the air, loud enough that even Derek sat up in the bed in response to her call.

'Dr Bailey, it's late, it's my last day off…'

'I know Grey and believe me if I could ask anyone else I would, but technically you are only on leave till midnight, so I'm only calling you in three hours earlier then I am technically allowed to do.'

'Oh...'

'I mean you're sleeping right? Resting before your first day back, you wouldn't be wasting your energy now would you Grey?'

'No We were…I mean I was… resting..Definitely resting.'

'We…you tell that fireman he should be sleeping, the horror I saw on the news was nasty, nasty…so you leave him to sleep and you get your arse to my OR?'

'Fireman...How did you know?'

'I'm Bailey, I know everything! 15 minutes grey…move it!'

Meredith sat staring at the phone as Bailey hang up, Derek taking it and placing it back on the side. 'You have to go?' he asked, disappointment evident in his voice.

'I do, I'm sorry.' She replied leaning down quickly and kissing him before jumping out of bed and heading to the bathroom.

He stood and leaned on the door frame as he watched her brush her teeth and flick her hair back into a lose pony tail, ready to start the shift she definitely hadn't been expecting to be starting.

'What are you doing up?' she mumbled through her toothbrush as she spotted him in the mirror.

'You're going to work, I should go.'

'No…stay…please? You have no work tomorrow? You can rest here, I might be back earlier than expected since I'm going in now, but if not I can call and you can come to the hospital and do breakfast or whatever!'

'Ok.' He smiled as she ran past him, quickly running her hand over his chest as she passed. 'I'm sorry about the…you could continue send me pictures or whatever.' She laughed as she ran out of the bedroom and headed downstairs.

'Meredith Grey you are dirty…porny….and evil….'

'Baileys fault….'

'Way to kill the mood.' He moaned as he realised the tightness in his pants and relented and the moment had well and truly passed!

'Grey good to have you back.' Bailey smiled behind her surgical mask as Meredith entered the OR after scrubbing in.

'Thank you Dr Bailey. It's an honour to be scrubbing in straight after my absence.'

'Don't be thinking I'm going soft, Yang is in OR2, Karev and the other Grey are coughing and spluttering all over the god damn hospital so I sent them to rest and to be honest I don't trust the other residents as far as I could throw them, so that left you.'

'Oh wow, I'm honoured I really am!' Meredith answered the sarcasm evident in her voice.

'Enough of the need to deflate your head get over here and hold this clamp.'

'What have we got?'

'trauma to the abdomen, football injury, the guy took 3 players down, and then got piled on himself by a player who they have nicknamed 'hulk', he was floored at speeds reminiscent to a car crash and his spleen is currently nestling far too close to his lungs then we would like, and his small intestines appears to be swelling, and that's without mentioning the free fluid that is currently lose in his abdomen and needs attention.

'Ok so you need me to…'

'Dissect the spleen Grey….'

'Seriously? By myself?'

'yes Grey, this free fluid is going to cause too much trouble unless I can isolate it and find the cause of the flood ASAP, so I need you to dissect the spleen, the upper left quadrant needs to be removed for certain, take a look Grey, all or partial?'

Meredith pulled on her head set and began to inspect the spleen, the force of the hit having forced it way up into the ribcage, the upper left as Bailey had instructed showed damage from the ribcage and the tear had broken through the flesh of the organ way past the midpoint.

'Damage is substantial to approximately 60% of the organ, however the lower quadrant is displaying no sign of trauma and it appears could be saved to minimise the risk of infection.'

'Excellent Grey, I knew you were the right surgeon for the job. I'm here with you, but you got this.'

'I do, I've got this.'

She was back, she didn't care if it had only been a few days after her smoke inhalation but in the mind of a surgeon those few days had seemed like a life time. Of course there had been bonuses…Derek shaped sex bonuses that had really helped to pass the time and keep her entertained and probably did nothing for the prescription of rest… but after holding that scalpel in her hands again she felt amazing.

'Great work in there Grey, impressive.'

'Thank you for the opportunity, even if I was a last resort.' Meredith smiled at her superior as she scrubbed out, 5 hours after entering the OR she was leaving it having saved a life.

'Last resort…no…that wasn't it, I'm glad you're back, what's good for this hospital might not be so good for the sulky fire-fighter but he will live!'

'How did you…'

'Sloan…he thinks he is responsible for whatever this is.'

'Sloan? How?'

'I dunno he has some theory about letting you be his brothers doctor, encouraging you to speak to his mom…and the rest he says is history!'

'He is unbelievable!' they pair laughed as they walked down the corridor towards the nurses' station however even the humour failed to stop Meredith from yawning, a move that didn't go unnoticed by Bailey.

'It's late or early to be more precise, you have 2 hours before pre rounds go sleep, rest, recharge your batteries or whatever and I will see you at 5!'

'Goodnight Dr Bailey.'

'Goodnight Grey.'

'When did you get here?' Cristina yawned as she pulled on her lab coat and headed towards the surgery board with Meredith as the pair prepared for pre rounds, the length of each of their surgeries taking their toll on the tired pair.

'About 9.45, Bailey called, couldn't say no!'

'Oh I bet shepherd loved that!'

'loved that…not quite the adjective I would use!'

'Oh the poor guy, he will be getting admitted with blue balls!'

'Hardly cristina! One night…that's all!'

'Hell Mer when these men get used to the action their balls tend to scream out if there is no release!'

'Cristina! His balls will not explode!' Meredith said, a little too loudly as the nurses before them began to giggle in the corner, and the blush spread over Meredith's cheeks.

'Oh imagine the headlines, fire-fighter out of action due to exploding balls…girlfriend arrested!'

'Urgh you are unbelievable, besides it was Bailey who interrupted!'

'Even better!'

'besides he is bringing me breakfast a little later, so I think I may be able to prevent exploding balls, and maybe bring on an explosion if another kind…'

'Meredith Grey once again when you appear boring, you rise! Sex in the hospital…'

'I hope so!'


	26. Chapter 25 the gallery

The Gallery

Meredith was exhausted and horny, not that she would admit the later to anyone because she had certainly lasted long enough before Derek had arrived on the scene, but now she had experienced the thrill of the Derek Shepherd express she quite simply wanted more! It wasn't even the fact that he was amazing and did things that she never even knew were possible, in positions she didn't even no a humans body could contort too, for the first time in her life it was more than that. He got her, he treated her with the respect she deserved and she was happy. She had heard other people talk about meeting the one person you know you can trust, rely on and love forever and she had always assumed it was nonsense, but with Derek she couldn't help but feel that she had found all of that…. And the scary thing was that she wasn't freaking out, not in the slightest, not anymore! She had done her freaking out as she had tried to avoid what was happening before they got together, but now it was almost impossible to keep the smile from her face when ever she thought of him and the only regret she ever experienced was not listening to her heart sooner. Even as she dragged her tired body down the hallway, the slightest thought of his beautiful blue orbs left her heart fluttering in her chest.

Her earlier hopes of a quickie before rounds, or even after were halted when after the surgery with Bailey she had managed no more than twenty minutes sleep before her pager had sounded and she had found herself running to the pit to deal with an incoming trauma, as a motorbike rider had lost control and ploughed into a bus stop as the first of the days workers were heading out in the morning fog leaving many people injured, some of them badly.

She had gone onto auto pilot as she had worked to stem the bleeding from a head wound of a 19 year old girl. She had extensive face lacerations due to the extreme amount of glass that had shattered over her as the bike hit the bus stop. As Meredith battled to stop the blood from seeping through the third bandage she knelt up onto the bed and applied pressure with both hands, using the weight of her body in an attempt to counteract the force of her blood flow. She breathed an almighty sigh of relief as she heard the curtain sweep open and Mark appear at her side.

'What have we got Grey?' he yawned as he pulled on his latex gloves and released Meredith's hand from the pressure, replacing it with his own as he carefully lifted one side of the dressing and inspected the deep cut.

'Amanda Simpson, 19, lacerations to the face caused by shards of glass after a rider lost control of his bike and ploughed into the bus stop. Vitals were stable on arrival, no other signs of injury have been presented but she may still need assessing for further cuts, it was just this was so deep I felt it was important to stem the bleeding.' Meredith stated as she climbed down off the bed and took a step back as she reached into her pocket and grabbed an elastic hair band and pulled her dark blonde tresses up and off her face.

'You made the right call, this is deep and should be starting to clot by now there is no way she should be losing this much blood.' Mark released the pressure on Amanda's head slightly as he noticed her wincing with the pain. 'I know this is scary but I will fix you up, people round here call me the God of stitching!'

Meredith smiled over at Amanda and held her hands to either side of her head before moving them away as she modelled Marks head swelling with his cockiness, Amanda tried to force a laugh but the grimace on her face made it clear to everyone that she was in pain.

'Her colouring is fading slightly Dr Sloan; I will get the blood pressure cuff and see if there are any changes.'

'Anything under and let me no STAT Grey, and get the pain meds set up on IV as well as an anti biotic in case the wound becomes infected.'

Meredith slipped out of the room and quickly returned with the blood pressure cuff, slipped it over Amanda's arms and waited as it inflated. Her eyes grew wider as she realised the level was low, dangerously low, and the rate of blood Amanda was losing was clearly having an effect on her body.

'Dr Sloan, I think you want to take a look at this.' Meredith pointed out as Mark looked up and saw the reason for the look of panic on her face.

'Ok Amanda, we are going to need to get some more blood into your body, this cut is deep and isn't clotting as of yet so it's important we replenish what you are losing. Dr Grey hang 2 of O negative and have the nurse bring my suture kit please.' Mark asked nicely as he watched Meredith walk out to collect the resources he needed, and shook his head with a smile as he noted that even so early in the morning she had a spring in her step and he couldn't help feeling pleased with himself for helping to get his brother and one of the most talented up and coming surgeons together. Not only did he make people beautiful but he helped create couples to be reckoned with too, and he couldn't help but think there was money to be made in all of this…beauty and dating…. Fix them up and set them up. Not that Derek or Meredith had needed fixing up…he had offered to fix Derek's nose for years but to no avail, and Meredith was one of life's natural beauties so he would never need to interfere with what nature gave her. Derek was a lucky man….and maybe he had found gold at the end of the rainbow….

Mark Sloan Plastic Surgeon and Cupids arrow…..

He wasn't exactly a walking long term dating advert, he was a love them and leave them kind of guy and he was happy….or he was, but now looking at what Derek and Meredith shared he couldn't help but think there must be more to life then waking up next to a different girl every night…. Maybe he wanted permanence too…

Meredith followed her instructions and returned moments later with the blood that was needed and Marks kit tucked under her arm. It was an on going joke amongst the nurses that Mark always asked for his own 'special' equipment, but Meredith had witnessed him stitch up far worse than this and leave the minimal of scars that she didn't care if he wanted to sew with spun gold if it meant he got the results he craved then she would have gone to find it!

'Thank you Doctor Grey, if you could just relive my hand a moment so I can grab the light then I'm hopeful we may be able to get this cut sewn up, there appears to be clotting now to the surface of the wound which will make it much easier to close, and the fresh blood should help encourage the blood to form clots here. OK Amanda, you are lucky, which it may not seem like at the moment but the glass pierced the skin so cleanly that I will be able to get a perfect finish as I knit the folds of skin together, this isn't going to hurt for much longer, Dr Grey will numb the sight of the injury and I promise you will have the boys chasing you in college again soon. I don't let anyone walk out of here ugly that's a promise.' He winked as he watched Amanda relax on the bed; colouring slowly flushing her skin again as Meredith quickly hung the blood and got it flowing through her system again without being asked twice.

Mark worked efficiently, assisted by Meredith, and even allowed her to complete the final 3 stitches as he clearly pointed out the direction the needle needed to sew.

The pair walked out into the ER to see where they could be used next as they had a nurse arrange for Amanda to be given a bed. 'I think we should keep her in the rest of the day at least, make sure she gets the full unit count of blood and the day's course of the anti biotic. If she is stable by tonight we will think of discharging her with oral meds to be insisted on for the next 5 days to combat the risk of infection. You look exhausted have you slept?'

'Barely, you?'

'No but through no fault of my own, that new girl in billing is a screamer!'

'Urgh too much information Mark.'

'What? We are practically family!'

'Would you tell Mrs Shepherd that? No…didn't think so!' Meredith laughed as her pager buzzed again and her head dropped slightly as she realised the thought of sleep was still a long way away as she battled with the aches and exhaustion that the first day back after leave presented with.

'Chin up Grey, I'm sure the bedroom Olympics can wait!' Mark called after her as she began running as fast as her legs could carry her up to the CT.

'Hey' Meredith smiled at her best friend Cristina who was staring at the CT screen awaiting her scans.

'Hey. So much for sleep!'

'You're telling me! It's a lot down there, there's blood, and bones…and well it's a lot!'

'Welcome back…straight back into the chaos!

'Is there every any other way!'

'Not really!'

'Why did you page me?'

'First day back, exhausted…need some excitement?'

'Well yeah it might help keep me awake or stop me thinking porny thoughts about Derek's…'

'Enough! I do not need to know anything about Derek's anatomy!'

'Sorry!'

'It's ok, besides after that you have to say yes!'

'Yes to what?'

'Taking my patient off my hands, it's good… it's not like I'm giving you a sore throat its the motor bike rider, a craniotomy is moments away from being prescribed, and I am gifting my patient to you! And Nelson of course, but he needs a resident, and its neuro, your thing…so you want?'

'Hell yeah I do, but why would you give up surgery? Are you sick?' Meredith laughed as she placed the back of her hand across Cristina's forehead to check for a temperature.

'No I'm not sick. Cristina laughed as she batted Meredith's hand out of the way before turning the screen to her and standing up. 'Brains may be your thing, your passion, but hearts are mine, and Bailey said I could get in on the piggy back surgery if I got someone to deal with him….so please? Hearts or brains Mer…'

'Deal, brains win hands down!'

'Thank you!'

Meredith sat down on the seat Cristina had vacated and rested her head in her hands for a moment as the images began to stream through….

'Oh my god…' Meredith sat up in disbelief as she rubbed her eyes and took in the images before her, the scans of the brain clearly seeing the bleed as expected but also displaying a mass the size of golf ball at least in the frontal lobe.

Her fingers were shaking as she paged Dr Nelson to the CT room.

Derek was bored, and lonely. He had the day off after the exhaustion of the fire the day and night before and he had hoped he would have been able to sneak into the hospital and grab a few minutes for a quickie with Meredith, and to take her breakfast as he knew she had probably bypassed food for the chance to operate or cut or even just hold a plaster! She was a surgery junkie after all! It had come to no great surprise to him when she had text his cell to say she was heading to the ER due to an emergency, and then again an hour later when she had explained she had another surgery and had no idea how long it would last.

He had rattled around her house for a few hours, and restocked the fridge to make things easier for her when she got home later that night but he couldn't sit around there all day and made the decision to call up to the hospital anyway, he could meet mark for lunch perhaps if she was still busy, or hang out in Marks office as he waited for her to finish! Anything had to be better then just waiting in her house…without her!

Just as he was locking up the porch and heading to the car he felt his phone begin to vibrate in his pocket and as he retrieved it he smiled to himself as he saw his mothers number flash across the screen.

'Hey Mom.'

'Don't you hey mom me! Why is I have to find out off your brother that you were involved in that disaster that was all over the news yesterday and this morning still too!'

'Mom, it's my job I can't tell you the horror or every shout I go to, you would never sleep!'

'I never sleep anyway so what's another worry to add to my plate!'

'Worry?'

'Nothing, you know what I mean, your father has been gone a long time but it doesn't mean sleep is any easier t come across!'

'I know I'm sorry. I love you mom, and I hate to worry you. The fire was awful, dangerous and to be honest petrifying. You don't want to know the horrors that I face sometimes, believe me you don't!'

'You're ok though? That's the main thing?'

'I'm ok promise. Apart from I'm bored and miserable!'

'Bored? Miserable? Oh no please don't tell me you have ruined things with Meredith?'

'No far from it, but she is working, and I'm not, so I'm bored…I miss her!'

'Aww Derek you are pining, I knew you two were made for each other!'

'Ma its only being a handful of weeks, you all but sound like you have me married off!'

'When you know…you know….remember that!'

'I will, I don't mean to be rude but did you only call to shout at your favourite son, and then marry him off or was there more to this phone call?'

'Derek Shepherd that is no way to speak to your mother!'

'I'm sorry, I'm in the car about to head to the hospital for lunch with the other person you tend to call son…'

'And see Meredith?'

'If I'm lucky yes…and see Meredith.'

'In that case then I won't keep you, but dinner…this Sunday? Please say you can both come?'

'I will be there Mom you know I will, I will ask Mer, she has only gone back to work today so I have no idea if she even had Sunday off, or how she feels, but I will try.'

'That's all you can do. I will let you go. Say hi to Markie for me and Meredith too of course.'

'I will, I love you Ma.'

'Love you too son.'

Derek drove relatively quickly to the hospital and parked up before heading inside. He hadn't been inside more than a few moments when he head the familiar drones of his brother's voice calling him from the catwalk up ahead.

Derek took the elevator up and was soon walking alongside his brother to his office, with a dowdy looking intern worryingly balancing two trays of cafeteria food behind them.

'You know I can carry my own food?' Derek pointed out to mark as he eyed his food nervously as it rocked from side to side on the tray.

'You can, but he can too, got to make these interns earn their money. Just put it there, now here is my dry cleaning receipt if you could have the shirts up here by 5 that would be great, and a bone dry cappuccino would be fantastic right about then too!'

'Yes Dr Sloan.' The intern mumbled as he headed out of the door and continued with his day…and jobs from mark.

'I can't believe you get away with that!'

'I promised the poor chap id find him a date Friday night if he helped me out, I'm sure he is a virgin he looked flushed when I even asked him his type!'

'Poor fool; you are going to get someone to eat him alive aren't you?'

'You remember Stace, the girl from the bachelor party we went to last year?'

'The stripper?'

'Yeah…'

'Oh the poor guy, he needs a warning and possibly protective head gear if her dance routine was anything to go on!'

'Not a bad idea….she is wild!'

As much as I love discussing your intern's sex life, or yours for that matter I came to eat…'

'And get a glimpse of Meredith!'

'Possibly, but she is busy in surgery so I'm sure that wont happen, and the longer she is in there then the greater surgery high she will be on later when she tells me about the life she saved! I've heard about her highs and I can't wait to experience it for myself!'

'that's true she does get a high…not that I've experienced it, but she floats around the place when she pulls something big off in the OR, she is a talent with a scalpel man she really is! Want to see!'

'What? How?'

'have you forgotten who I am?' come on bring your dinner, this is going to be the best show you have ever seen!'

Derek ran off after Mark, scanning the walls for signs as they made there way to a part of the hospital he was sure he had yet to see.

'Where are we?' Derek asked as Mark pushed open a door and led the way inside for the pair.

'You think it will be amazing to see Meredith on a surgery high after surgery…what about during?' Mark explained as he flicked the lights on in the gallery and sat down in the first row of seats nearest the window.

'That's Mer….Wow.' was all Derek could whisper as he leaned on the glass, his eyes fixed on the beautiful figure of his girlfriend down below.

She really was a life saver….

'Pretty impressive huh.' Mark smiled as he looked over at his brother who stood in awe of his girlfriend below.

'I just…how does she even know what to do….'

'She works hard man, too hard sometimes; she has been known to all but live here in the hospital at times, seems to me you are going to benefit her work life balance!'

'She loves her job!'

'She really does, in the same way you do, life savers the pair of you, what a pair you are!'

The brothers were interrupted by the sounds of machines beeping down below them in the OR and the sudden flurry of activity as Meredith and her fellow surgeons began moving around the room clearing a route for what looked to be the resuscitation trolley.

'oh…' Dereks heart broke as he saw meredith massage onto the patients chest in a frantic attemopt to get the heart beating again as the charge was set on the paddles.

'CLEAR….'

Derek leaned further forward, tears pricking the back of his eyes as he found himself crossing his fingers that the surgeons below could save the mans life.

'Maybe we should….'

'No, please I want to watch.'

'you know that's kind of strange,.'

'not the patient Mark, Mer…She is just so….'

'incredible.' Mark finished as Derek drew silent as he saw the smile creep behind her surgical mask below him as Meredith lifted her hands from the patient's chest as the machines quietened and the surgeons returned to work.

'Did…did you see that…she held his life in her hands and she brought him back.'

'Hard to believe that she is still a resident isn't it! She is going to be a neuro superstar; your dating medical royalty watch this space and remember who told you first!'

'Resident…so who's that guy?' Derek asked as he pointed to an older surgeon leaning hesitantly back on a pillar to the left of the OR.

'That's Dr Nelson, an attending, and worryingly the head of the department! I actually think if the chief could get away with it he would promote Meredith here and now! By the time she is an attending I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't one of the highest ranked attendings in the country. Richard definitely needs to keep hold of her!'

Derek returned to a seat as he watched Meredith finish the surgery and felt goose bumps prickle over his skin as he watched her raise her head and notice the pair watching her from the gallery,. He didn't miss the bemused grin she gave him from behind the mask, or the elevation of one eyebrow as she quizzed his presence in the hospital! all he could do was beam back at her, his whole body filled with pride as the enormity of what she had just done sank in. As Dr Nelson closed up Meredith headed out towards the scrub room and motioned with her hand for Derek to come down.

'Hey man take this.' Mark laughed as he threw a package over to Derek as he headed out of the door of the gallery and began his decent down to the floor below.

'Remember no glove no love…'


	27. Chapter 26 surgeony

**Hiya! Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and you are all planning a great New Year with family and friends. Sorry for the delay Christmas, snow, and cancelled flights nearly prevented me getting home from Ireland earlier this week, and then family madness began and today was the first chance I had to write! I updated I don't want you to be alone earlier today, please check it out if you haven't already read it and wanted to make sure I gave fireman Derek some attention today too… **** oh a girl can dream!**

**WARNING this update is porny…hot and porny and is a Christmas present to some very dear friends of mine… Jen, Em, Katie, Kate, Kelly…. Merry Christmas…. And if you're lucky the next one might just be porny too…..**

**If you don't like porny, don't agree with it, or just hate reading it please feel free to skip this chapter, I'm sure you can imagine what's about to happen and I take no offence if you don't want to read it! If on the other hand you kind of like the idea of a porny fireman Derek…and his…pole…hose…whatever… then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment away and let me know what you think.**

**Thank you all for the continued support and comments for my fics everyone you really do make it ALL Worthwhile xxxxx**

Chapter 26 surgeony

Derek all but sprinted down the corridors of Seattle Grace preying he was heading the right way, as suddenly everywhere looked the same as he gave signs a quick glimpse before throwing himself between the narrowing gap of the elevator doors ahead of him and pressing the floor below, eager to find Meredith. He leant back against the wall and allowed his fingers to twist the foil packets Mark had thrown his way as a smile crept over his face, and a tightness already formed in his pants, and in that moment he was glad he was riding alone because he wasn't sure people would be able to not notice the blush spreading over his cheeks as the thought of Meredith…naked over took his mind. The elevator seemed to move in slow motion before rocking to a halt, and as the doors opened he could see up ahead her beautiful form leaning on the nurses' station, her hair tied up due to the surgery, with a few stray strands having escaped and falling to frame her face more perfectly then any picture frame out there…she was….everything! she was busy in conversation, her arms flying around erratically in excitement as she appeared to be talking through the surgery with someone he couldn't yet see but saw it was Lexie as he neared closer, meredith unaware of his presence behind her.

'And he was coding Lex, seriously Nelson was ready to call it but I wouldn't give in on his chest, the man has a baby, he deserved us to fight, he deserved me to fight for him…'

'Mer…' Lex tried to stop her sister in mid flow to alert her of Derek's presence but Meredith was so excited it was impossible to stop her and Derek smiled at Lexie not to worry as he stood back and took in every inch of his girl friend's excited form before him…he hadn't even touched her and yet he was thinking this surgery high was something he would never forget.

'its amazing isn't it? Lex…Lexie…'

'What…sorry, yeah amazing Mer, you are amazing!'

'I know but not just that, this job, the thrill of it all, the majesty of lifesaving…its just….'

'Amazing?' Derek finished her sentence, making her jump a little as her huge grin spread across her face.

'Hey.' She whispered as she closed the gap between herself and Derek, not noticing Lexie vacating the chair from behind the desk, eager to avoid witnessing the love in she was sure was about to occur!

'hey yourself, I feel like I should bow down or something.' Derek laughed as he mirrored her actions and further closed the gap reaching forwards and brushing the stray strands back behind her ear.

'You were there?'

'I was.'

'How?'

'Mark.'

'Should have guessed.'

'he has his flaws, but showing me you being all surgeony today was quite possibly the best thing I have ever watched.'

'Surgeony?' Meredith laughed as she pressed her lips to his and began shifting Derek backwards a little towards an on call room she prayed was empty.

'Yeah it fits.' He laughed as he felt her hand fall into his as she led him inside the door to the left he had passed moments earlier. 'It was amazing Mer, watching you save that man's life, he was gone…I thought he was gone, but your magic hands, and determination they brought him back.' He lowered his head and brought her fingers tips up to his mouth as he pressed gentle soft kisses along them, leaving no finger untouched as his lips brushed her soft skin.

''I never get tired of it you know? I know the hours are long, and exhausting, but this was what I was meant to do. You practice on cadavers. You observe. And you think you know what you're gonna feel like standing over that table but … that was such a high. I don't know why anybody does drugs. Every surgery Derek, that's what it's like every time!'

'I think I like this surgery high.' He smiled as he reached down to the lock the door before covering her own lips with his again and pushing her up against the door, no light able to pass between their entwined bodies as he felt his jeans grow painfully tight as he felt her begin to claw at his sweater and shirt a small moan escaping his lips as he felt her hands make contact with his bare skin as she pulled the clothing off over his head in a swift action, she really wasn't messing about.

'Too many clothes.' He mumbled as he too set about ridding her of the clothes that adorned her body as he traced the shape of her breasts through her bra as he placed his hands up inside her scrub top and expectedly removed it leaving her breasts solely covered by the purple laced bra as he ran his thumb over her nipples and smiled as he felt the nubs grow hard beneath him.

'mmmmm pants, we need to get rid of these.' Meredith smiled, her body arching slightly as Derek continued to work her nipples between his finger tips, before dipping his head and gently sucking on them through the thin fabric that lay across them, her own hands moving down to unbutton his jeans, the buttons seeming more stubborn then usual as the adrenaline ran through her veins faster than a speeding train. She didn't give in though, she never did and she smiled as she watched him wriggle his way from the jeans, and his boxers soon followed her hands quickly finding the one thing she had been eager to find, the size and pulsating beats surprising even her, he seemed bigger than ever…'wow' she whispered as she continued to run her nails up and down his shaft as he pressed further against her as he reached around and freed her breasts from the restrictions the lace had placed.

'These need to go.' He smiled as he pulled on the chord of her scrub pants, and took her by surprise as he flashed a seductive smile her way before he ducked down to free her from her pants, leaving him face to urm…lace… with matching purple shorts.

'oh…mmmmm' he moaned as he felt her hands move into his thick curls and wrap around the back of his head, encouraging him to make the move she was eager for him to take.

'Matching?' he smirked as he looked up to catch her eye.

'I was hoping I'd get lucky.' She retaliated, a cheeky glint reflecting from her pools of green, mesmerising him in an instant.

'I'm the lucky one.' He forced out before leaning forwards and running his tongue over the fabric, closing his eyes in anticipation of what he knew was underneath.

'Mmmmm Derek…God.' She moaned as she felt him move her shorts lower, and she lifted each leg in turn to step out of the lace leaving the pair naked together in the small room. She moved her hands down eager to get a fresh hold of his cock, but Derek pushed them away.

'Not yet, soon. But this now is about you, please, just for a little while let this be about you, you're a life saver.'

'You… save… lives too.' She gasped as she felt a finger slowly trace up her leg from her ankle.

'but today I didn't…' he pointed out before lifting one of her legs and gently pressing small kisses along the inside of her thigh, eager to not leave an inch of skin untouched as he repeated the action on the other leg too.

'Derek…'

'Yeah?'

'Nothing…just Derek… please…don't stop.'

'I wasn't planning on stopping.' He laughed as he moved his head closer again and pressed a delicate kiss to her hot centre as he parted her legs slightly to gain himself greater access.

Meredith's head rolled back against the door, and her hands left his head as she threw them backwards to steady herself against the door as she felt his tongue lap at her wetness and she couldn't stop the moans escaping her lips as she felt him part her folds as he delved deeper into her wet core.

'oh Mer you are so wet.' He moaned as he explored her further, desperate to show her how proud he was, experiencing his own version of a surgery high…hell he would be a surgery junkie after this!

'oh…Der…more…' she pleaded as she recovered her balance slightly and allowed one hand to dive back into his thick curls and encourage him to work faster on her wetness.

He didn't disappoint as he lapped at her wetness and pressed his tongue up against her clit, kissing and massaging it with his mouth as he felt it began to pulsate against his skin.

'oh…my….. De…Derrr….Derrr don't stop….please…don't…' she had no idea how she managed to get the words out as she felt the orgasm begin to build in her body.

Again he responded to her moans and pressed harder as he felt her body begin to arch and her clit grow again against him. 'come for me Mer.' He ordered, the raspiness of his voice surprising himself as he dove two fingers into her wetness as he continued to rain kisses on her clit.

'oh…OH….DER…DERRRRRRRRRRREEEEKKKKKK, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH' the orgasm came quick, the moment his fingers fought for access into her wetness her body could hold back no more as the waves of pleasure shook her whole body from her toe nails to the end of every last hair on her head, her body bucked and moaned with delight as he continued to run his tongue over her clit, slowly now, taking in every inch of her orgasm, his own cock swelling with desire as her breathing slowly returned to a more normal rate and her hands pulled desperately at his head as if to bring him back to stand with her.

He stood, slowly, covering her stomach and breasts with kisses as he moved up before pressing his lips against hers and the pair shared a smile that told the other that this was it, for each of them….this was it.

As Meredith took a step away from the door she surprised herself at how weak her legs felt, and she stumbled forwards slightly as her legs seemed to have forgotten the principle of walking.

'I've got you.' He smiled as he led her carefully to the bed, laying her down before joining her too, resting on one hand as he cast his eyes over her, and smiling as she too moved onto her side, propping herself up with one hand, and wrapping the other firmly around his cock.

'where were we?' she smirked as she pushed him back and straddled herself over him, her hand never leaving him as she continued to stroke him slowly, taking in every inch of him between her palms.

'I thought you were exhausted?' he smirked.

'I'm a surgical God, I thrive on exhaustion.' She laughed as she leant down and picked up one of the foil packets Derek had earlier dropped to the floor, unwrapped and positioned it perfectly over his cock before she raised her hips slightly and lowered herself down onto him….their gasps vibrating off the walls…and probably the whole hospital too….


	28. Chapter 27 LITTLE SLOAN LITTLE GREY

Chapter 27 Little Sloan, Little Grey

'I'm pretty sure this position is illegal in at least 12 states in America.' Derek growled as Meredith's hunger for post surgery exhilaration continued as she lowered herself over him for round two, her back facing him this time as he ran his fingers along her soft smooth skin, before tracing each and every vertebra with his tongue as he leant forward as much as her rhythmic form would allow.

She leant back into his touch, raising her hips slightly as she moved in order to take him deeper with every rotation of her hips. Her moans escaping at an alarming rate as he continued to grow inside of her.

He responded to her new rhythm with ease, propping himself up on his hands slightly in order to penetrate her deeper, rotating his own hips as she rode him like the most experienced cow girl there was. He could feel her juices running down his cock as the speed intensified and the moans escaping from both of their lips told the other that it wouldn't be long before they were screaming again.

Eager to tip her over the edge he allowed his posture to drop a little as he brought one hand around her and searched for the small bundle of nerves at her hot centre that he knew would lead to her begging him not to stop.

'oh Mer…' he growled as he felt the heat radiating from her core as he rolled her nub between his fingers as she seemed to press herself against his hand, making his pulsating cock fill her even more, her tightness sending vibrations through his body as he pushed himself as deep as the position would allow.

'Oh…oh…mmmmm, please don't stop, never stop.' Meredith managed to stutter as her whole body began to show the obvious signs of release, the small hairs that covered her body were standing on end, goose bumps fluctuated over her skin and her breathing became shallower as she fought for oxygen to keep the sensation going.

'Mer… look at me, please.' He begged as he felt her walls begin to constrict a little around his cock and he knew he didn't wasn't to miss the love that her face held when she came.

'I can't…' she whispered as she continued to ride above him.

'Oh really.' He laughed as he over powered her, turning her quickly and pinning her to the bed as he powered into her, lifting her leg high onto his shoulder as she closed her eyes and her whole body began to shake, her walls clamping down around his cock as she began to scream.

'Look at me Mer, please, open your eyes.' He pleaded as he began to released, as she screamed in pleasure, opening her eyes and allowing her beautiful, green orbs meet his pools of blue, the electricity between the pair enough to light an OR room or so it seemed.

'Derek?' Meredith whispered as her heart rate slowed, and he moved himself gently to the side of her, encompassing her body with his arms as she rest her head upon his bare chest.

'Yeah?'

'Nothing, just…you, and me…wow!'

'It really is, Mer?'

'Yeah?'

'Thank you?'

'For what?'

'Kicking ass in that surgery, and letting me experience your high.'

'Oh, I'm glad; I mean I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else.'

'I hope not.'

'Definitely not.'

He pressed a kiss to her head as he breathed in the now familiar scent of lavender that left him smiling like a Cheshire cat whenever it infiltrated his senses.

'Have dinner with me tonight?' he whispered as he ran his fingers through her soft blonde trestles.

'Are you asking me on a date Lieutenant?'

'I am…and did you just call me lieutenant?'

'I did, go with it!' she smirked as she snaked her hands down his chest and began to press her fingers along his hip bone as she moved further south….

'Is that a yes?'

'Whoa, who's making a porno in the on call room?' Alex laughed as he approached the small crowd that had formed around the nurses' station.

'Give you two guesses?' Cristina laughed as she threw her notes onto the counter behind her and leant back beside him.

'Sloan? Right its gotta be Sloan?'

'What's got to be me?' Mark asked as he joined the pair 'why does everything have to be me?'

'Well you're a man whore, you like to dip your stick, you're not picky…shall I go on?' Cristina laughed as she pointed out a few home truths to the man before her.

'You get that I'm your boss right? You're just jealous because you have never been aboard this express train.' He smiled as he took a step closer and reached for her hand.

She batted it away in an instant, 'no such luck for you Sloan.'

'You say that now!'

'And I'll say it tomorrow to.'

'It's the day after tomorrow you have to worry about Yang!'

'Urm enough of the mating ritual please.' Alex complained as a loud moan vibrated down the corridor. 'Man she's enjoying herself!'

'Guess he was right.' Mark stated as the pair turned to look at him.

'He?' the said in unison.

'Yeah, Derek, he said he thought Mer would be an animal after surgery and it looks like he was right.'

'That's meredith? Alex stuttered as he began to back away from the door.

'Yeah im guessing so.'

'I got…is that my pager, crap I gotta run.' Alex mumbled as he began a sprint away from the corridor as quick as he could.

'What's his problem? He isn't after Mer is he?'

'Alex no, she is like his sister or something to him that's like hearing your folks going at it!'

'Doesn't it bother you?'

'Not really, im just glad she is getting some.' She laughed as she received a page to let her know her heart patient was prepped and ready to go.

'It sounds like she is getting more than some. 'Mark smiled as he too turned to move away from the nurses' station and couldn't help but feel a light ache in his heart, was he jealous of his brother? Not because of Meredith, but because he had someone and was happy. And for the second time that day Mark Sloan continued to want it too.

'hey watch it.' The familiar sound of lexie brought him back to the moment as he realised he had crashed into her and sent her files flying to the floor.

'crap im sorry little grey.' He smiled as he beant down to retrieve the mess he had created.

'its ok ive got it.' She said as she returned the smile and scrambled around the floor collecting the notes.

'im sorry I was miles away.'

'do I want to know where?'

'probably not.' He laughed as his fingers brushed against hers as they both reached for the same file, a slight flush instantly spreading across her cheeks, something that didn't go unnoticed by mark.

'Urm…little grey?' she asked as the pair stood and he handed over the remaining files.

'Yeah Mer...Big Grey, you…Little Grey.' It's how I tell you two apart.' He chuckled as he witnessed her face light up; relieved she didn't seem to see the reference as a bad thing.

'It's better than three.' She smiled as she headed down the corridor to continue her days work, allowing herself a glance backwards, and a strange feeling of satisfaction as she noted Marks eyes on her, following her every move.

As she disappeared round the corner mark ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his heart as thoughts he wasn't used to crept over his mind.

'He couldn't date Little grey…could he? Intern…she is an intern….\CRAP!'

Derek had left the hospital little over an hour ago, without his lunch, meredith had been paged by Mark to the OR to help with an incoming trauma, and he made a mental note in his head to castrate his brother for interrupting round four, five..Hell he had lost count!

As he was about to head off home he was paged by the station, and he knew it must be bad if he was getting called in on his day off, as he set the car into drive he began the unexpected route to the fire house instead of home, as he pulled up he text meredith a quick message asking her to wait in the house and he would be there as quick as he could top take her to dinner later. He knew she would understand. She got it, for the first time ever he had met someone who completely understood.

'What have we got chief?' he asked as he ran into the station and headed straight to the kit store.

'House fire up on Baltimore Avenue, one crew already despatched but they need more. Sorry Shep I know you're exhausted.'

'It's ok, I'm surprisingly ok.' He smiled as he quickly changed and joined his team.

'so you really gave Derek a good time huh?' mark laughed as he left the scrub room with Meredith, watching the blush spread across her face. 'You know you should be thanking me right? Sneaking him into the gallery. Letting him share in your ecstasy? I got you laid and I didn't even touch you.' He laughed, before rubbing his arm as meredith thumped him jokely as the pair headed back to their respective lounges.

'oh how can I ever repay you.' She laughed as she walked in perfect sync with him.

'Little grey… lexie?'

'What….no. no, no. no, do you hear me NO!' she spat as she turned and pushed him up against the wall.

'What?' he feighned innocence, failing to keep the small smnirk at bay from his lips.

'she's little, and young, and, impressionable…and my sister, so no touching, nadda, nothing, little Sloan does not get to approach little Grey!'

'Hey enough of the little, that's such a slur and so inaccurate' he teased as he regained his footing and sped off after meredith.

'according to the nurses 'little' about sums it up.' She hit back as mark placed a gentle hand on her shoulder as she turned.

'really? Little, no way…seriously?'

'apparently so.'

'but Lexie?'

'but Lexie nothing, she's my sister Mark!'

'And Derek is my brother and practically arranged your little Booty call today!'

'its different!'

'How?'

'It just is!' she laughed as she retrieved her phone from her pocket and saw Derek's earlier text message. She disappeared behind the residents lounge door, sat herself on the bench and punched in her reply.

'no worries, I'll be waiting. Xx'


	29. Chapter 28 sorrento

Firstly to everyone who has been patiently waiting for this I am so so so sorry as I said on my other fic real life has dealt me a few duff hands these last few months ad writing has been impossible! But I spent my day writing; I updated both stories with long updates and I'm ready to be back in the writing game! Please bear with me whilst I find my writing mojo again, I need to reread sections of each to get back into character and do this story justice! Thank you to everyone for supporting me during the mini break It means a lot

Without further ado

Chapter 28 – Sorrento

It was late, really late but she had sent him a text to say come over whatever time he was finished and then his battery had gone on his cell so he hoped that 4am wasn't pushing his luck or that the offer hadn't been revoked!

He had really wanted to take her out to dinner but it had become clear the minute he arrived at the station that the call was big; the earlier call of a house fire had been served by another team closer to the fire, and now reports of a suspect package at a shopping mall, and another by a trash can metres from the entrance had been found, so he had quickly text to apologise and promised to make it up to her! And she had text back straight away with the promise of leaving the door on the latch and to come straight in!

When he had got to the mall he wasn't quite prepared for what he found, the package in the bin had detonated moments before, luckily injuring nobody; however the realisation that the packages were in fact devices had caused panic amongst all services alike! No one knew if another would explode, and as the fire service liaised with the police and bomb disposal units it hadn't taken long for the news teams to get hold of the story, and Derek had found himself not only fighting fires, but having to keep civilians who had crowded around safe too, it had been a long night, a few of his team has suffered minor burns and needed treatment, and there had been other causalities, thankfully not life threatening last he heard who had been transferred to Seattle Presbyterian as it had been the closest hospital to the site, he was one of the lucky ones that avoided the impact of the blast and as he pulled up on the driveway he couldn't wait to crawl into her warm embrace.

As he headed up onto the porch, he was surprised to see the flicker of light coming from the living room, and voices, he could definitely hear voices, raised voices.

'Calm down Grey, you don't know it's him.'

Mark, in Meredith's house?

'You said it yourself earlier it doesn't look good!'

Meredith, crying?

'Im still on hold Mer. Yes I swear I'm not keeping anything from you!'

Lexie too? What was going on?

'Hey what's with the welcoming committee?' Derek smiled as he walked into the room, 3 pairs of eyes quickly falling on him

'Derek!' they all expressed at once, as Meredith ran over to him, and promptly began to hit him with the cushion she had been gripping moments earlier!

'Ow Mer, what the hell?'

'What the hell? I will give you what the hell! Where have you been? I've been waiting and waiting for you!'

'The call was big Mer; I said I'd be late'

'it's 4am, its beyond late, now its early, early tomorrow or something, you don't get to do this, say you will be round and then just not show up.' She gasped as she continued to hit him before he managed to grab hold of both of her forearms and move her back towards the couch, which was quickly vacated by Lexie and Mark.

'Mer what is this about? Please talk to me?' Derek begged as he regained his composure from the cushion onslaught as he helped her back onto the couch.

'Man, its 4am, and a bombing at a shopping mall downtown has been all over the news since 7pm last night, talk of mass casualties, and injured fire-fighters, and idiots who don't answer their phones can have this effect on people, on all of us' Marks words cut home as Derek sat down alongside Meredith, who had turned herself away from him and was leaning into the arm of the couch, her body shaking and the tears taking over her petite frame, as he realised the worry and concern he must have caused to the people closest to him.

'Oh.'

'Yeah Oh,' Lexie cut in, as she placed a shot of tequila into Meredith's hand and watched her knock it back without so much as looking at Derek.

'My cell battery went just after I got your text Mer, I had no charger with me as I wasn't expecting to get called in, I had no idea the panic it would cause you, all of you.' He whispered as he placed his hand on the back of her neck, her skin feeling clammy to the touch,

Fear!

'you gotta see if from our point of view Derek, last we heard from you, you were heading to a bomb site, bomb explodes, people are injured…and we hear nothing, Nada, not a peep….'

'Did you try the station?' he pleaded as he felt Meredith recoil from his touch, pulling further away.

'We did, 'Lexie explained, 'but there was no answer, so we tried the hospitals, and they explained numerous fire-fighters had been admitted, but weren't at liberty to provide any more information until everyone had been identified!'

'Identified?'

'Yes Derek identified, they more or less made out that you were dead, gone, forever, dead!' Meredith gasped as she pushed herself up from the couch and fled to the kitchen; Derek immediately got up to follow her, but was held back by mark, as he nodded to Lexie to follow her sister.

'Get off me Mark; I need to know she is ok!'

'no, she is not ok, and you chasing after her is hardly going to help matters right now, so give her a few minutes, for the past few hours she has convinced herself you were dead, or as good as, and in those situations you and I both no anger reverberates easily, so she needs time, just for a little while. Give her time!'

'She thought I was dead, yet she reacts like this the minute I walk in the door, where's the sense in that?' he spat as he reached for the tequila and took a large swig straight from the bottle! He shivered as the liquid warmed his throat and made him cringe.

He hated tequila!

'I think she will hate you even more if she seems you swigging straight from the bottle, she is kind of protective over her Jose, she wouldn't let Lexie or I even have a sniff!'

'She was drinking?'

'Yes Derek, like you just did, she was scared, panicked, terrified, you name it she was feeling it, so she took solace like any normal human being would and she drank!'

'So she is drunk?'

'No Derek she isn't drunk, two, maybe three shots that's all! She didn't want more in case she later had to come and visit your burnt dismembered body!'

'Mark! A little extreme!'

'Not to meredith, or me, it was seemingly more and more likely….'

'Fuck!'

'That's one way of describing it! In the last month or so she has opened up to you like nobody would believe! Everyone knows Meredith doesn't allow herself to get close to people, but with you it's been different Derek, and obvious to everyone that the pair of you were meant to be! But you have to see it from Meredith's perspective, she met you after you had been injured in a fire, a few weeks ago she had to come to the station just to see if you were ok, and now she hears that people need identifying after a bomb in a shopping mall! You are surrounded by disaster, and the fear she has of losing you is clouding her judgement and rational thinking!'

'Wow!'

'Wow what?'

'Mark Sloan, my brother, talking like an adult, when did this happen?' Derek smiled as he saw a grin appear over his brothers face, 'she thought you were dead Derek, we all did after a while, man I was preparing to ring Ma and tell her it was getting that serious!'

'But I'm not!'

'Thank god!'

'Meredith doesn't seem all that happy about it!'

'not only is she scared of losing you Derek, but I also think she is scared of this, you, this is huge to her, you are everything, and I think it not only scared her to lose you, but also she is scared of just how important you are to her! Meredith has gone from someone who wanted nothing from anyone ever, to wanting it all in a very short space of time!'

'She wants it all?'

'Judging from tonight's reaction id say yes.'

Derek hardly heard the end of marks sentence as he got up and moved towards the kitchen, the room he had decorated for her, before, the room that had started all of this for them not so very long ago!

It was quick, he knew it was quick, but they had both heard it and felt the same thump for longer than they had been together and he needed to speak to her. As he neared the kitchen he heard her sobs, and the echo of her worry ripped at his own heart as he realised just how concerned she must have been for him.

As he pushed open the door he gasped a little as he saw Meredith and Lexie sitting on the floor, their backs to the stove, as Lexie gently ran her fingers over Meredith's temples as she rested her head on her sisters shoulder. If Meredith sensed his presence then she failed to react, as it was Lexie who gave a small smile in his direction, a reassuring smile that everything could be ok?

He took tentative steps nearer to the pair, and allowed his eyes to adjust to the light, or lack of light in the room, the table was set for two, take out bags from Sorrento his favourite Italian restaurant in town stood alongside the trash can waiting to be taken out, wine stood unopened in the centre, and an earlier lit candle sat cold in the window, and on the dresser, and the breakfast bay…there were a lot of candles.

Lexie stood up slowly and allowed and alerted Meredith to the fact that Derek was now in the room, her eyes lifted slightly and met his, her green/grey pools glistening in the dark, reflecting what little light was left in the room, her own breath catching as she realised he too was hurting…

'Hi.' He whispered as he stood, rooted to the spot.

'Hi, I'm…sorry, for before, the hitting and the screaming.'

'I'm bruised but it won't last.' He smiled as he pretended to rub his uninjured arm, relief washing over him as he saw a small smile fleet across her lips.

'If a cushion has damaged you then I think you are in the wrong profession weakling.' She managed to say with a smile 'but I really am sorry.'

'I'm sorry too.' He echoed as he closed the gap between them and filled the gap vacated by Lexie moments earlier, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in close to his side, her body turning slightly into him, and one of her legs leaning over and resting between his calves. They couldn't be much closer.

'I thought…it seemed so real…' she sobbed as she buried her head in his chest, his hand instinctively weaving into her hair, soothing her distress.

'I'm so sorry that's what you thought, the battery went, and I assumed after your shift you would just…sleep…I didn't expect this!' he whispered as he nodded towards the table as his other hand ran circles around her back.

'we called the station, the hospitals, you were missing Derek, or it seemed that way, and then we heard people needed identifying and we all jumped to conclusions, not just me, mark, Lexie…we all panicked!'

'I see that now, I do, and I'm sorry you had to go through this tonight, I wish I could make it better.'

'you're here, you're alive, that's better, that makes it all better' she sobbed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks, before Derek traced their path with his lips, pressing small kissed along each of her cheek bones. 'Lexie came over, and we heard on the news, and I think she panicked first…the images were scary Derek'

'They probably made it seem worse than it was you know?'

'I see that now.' She smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder. 'Lexie rang mark to see f he had heard from you, and I just kept trying your voice mail….sorry about that.'

'Sorry?'

'You may have a few…dozen…frantic voicemails that never need listening too, and could be deleted…'

'After all this I think I need to listen to them Mer.'

'If you do you can never hold them against me, ever.'

'Deal.'

'Deal' she smiled as she leant up and pressed her lips against his.

'Mer, you said Lexie called Mark?'

'Yeah she did why?'

'Why has Lexie got Marks number?'

'I don't know, but I am going to find out!' Meredith gasped as she went to stand from the floor, before gently been held back by Derek's arms.

'Not so fast, you cooked?'

'Technically no, I was going to reheat whenever you got back, I don't cook you should know that!'

'I do, sorry I was just teasing, Sorrento's?'

'Yeah I know you like it, I wanted to do something nice in the kitchen you redecorated, and the place you may, or may not have saved my life!'

'Oh I definitely saved your life, I didn't have you down as the romantic type?'

'I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing I had this whole thing about I was gonna cook you a meal, or reheat one or whatever, but I don't cook meals because I'm a surgeon. And now I'm here feeling like a lame ass loser because I got all worried and distraught because you didn't show up and its all ruined because you took so long to come home, and I thought you died, DIED Derek, and my heart missed a beat, or stopped beating so it seemed! I was paralyzed with fear.'

Derek stood carefully and headed to the fridge retrieving the containers that held Meredith's surprise.

'Lasagne, chicken carbonara, bread sticks… you really did get all my favourites, it's a little late I know but we could still eat now if you wanted? Knives, plates, where's our wine glasses?

'I'm still mad at you and I don't know if I trust you, I wanna trust you, but I don't know if I do. So I'm just gonna try, I'm gonna try and trust you. Because I believe that, we can be extraordinary together. Rather than ordinary apart and I wanna be…'

Derek closed the gap in a second with a kiss that nearly knocked her off her feet, his mouth and his tongue explored hers expertly as it fought for entrance into her warm cavern, as e picked her up and placed her gently on the work surface nearest the fridge.

'You have to trust me that I'm not going to die Meredith, you are worth sticking around for, and I'm not going to die.'

'Good because that would be the worst break up ever.' She sobbed as she snuggled into his chest as his arms wrapped around her once more, pulling her closer, relief that her anger had subsided.

'I was so scared…'

'I'm so sorry that I left you feeling like that, the bomb, and my phone it was just so…'

'You know what the funny thing is?' she interrupted, placing a finger to his lips as she continued. 'I was scared of losing you, scared that we were going to get a call from your mother explaining that there had been an accident, scared of the fact that if you weren't in my life then my whole life would unravel before my eyes…'

'Meredith…'

'OK, here it is. Derek...I love you. In a really, really big...pretend to like your taste in music. Let you eat the last piece of cheesecake. Hold a radio over my head outside your bedroom window. Unfortunate way that also makes me hate you, especially when I have no idea if you are dead or alive...loves you. So you have to understand why I reacted like I did tonight, you have too…

'Meredith…I love you too, from the minute I laid eyes on you I knew there was something, and I know its quick and people would call us crazy for admitting this so soon but when you know…you just know.'

'We love each other?' she smiled as she wrapped her legs around his waist and allowed him to carry her out of the kitchen.

'We do, but I do unfortunately think it is too late to eat, Italian for breakfast?'

'Sounds perfect.' She smiled as he placed her back on the floor and the pair walked hand in hand into the living room to see Lexie asleep on marks legs as he too snored on the couch.

'Oh…'

'Crap!'

'Do you want me to wake him? I can get him to go?'

'No, leave him, leave them…they were amazing tonight with me Derek.'

'But its Lexie and mark? My brother, man whore….'

'I don't know why but right at the minute that thought is nowhere near as disturbing as it should be!'

'Meredith grey has gone all mushy!'

'Shut up!' she giggled as she held her handout to Derek before heading back up the stairs to bed,

In love…


	30. Chapter 29 faith

faith

Meredith didn't actually think that time could go any slower! For the past three weeks she had worked almost nonstop and she had only had chance to see Derek a handful of times since their honest admission of love, their shift patterns hadn't matched at all and some days a goodnight call (in the middle of the day depending who needed sleep!) had been all the couple had managed to share and she was really beginning to miss him. She never expected to be one of those soppy girlfriends who thought about their partner 24/7 but the fact was that she couldn't help the way he constantly infiltrated her thoughts! She wasn't used to the feelings that she was experiencing, she had never expected to feel like this in her life, she had never felt good enough to feel like this…yet Derek gave her hope for a happy ending.

Even thought they hadn't seen each other often Derek was going overboard in communicating with Meredith, he quickly realised how scared she must have been when she didn't know where he was, and it ached him to his core to think that he had exploited her insecurities in such a way. He had never had anyone who cared for him like this, in the past it hadn't bothered anyone else where he was or what he was doing (apart from his mother of course!), yet with Meredith he now felt like he owed her to know where he was and as a result she would often return to her locker to 10 texts detailing his route to work, what he had for breakfast and even if he had visited the rest room which was maybe taking things a little too far!

This was the relationship that he had always wanted; the stuff of dreams…his dreams really had come true.

But now as she neared the final hour, 'Golden Hour' Meredith was clock watching every minute that past as it was nearer to her two days off and nearer to collapsing into Derek's arms and having a full night sleep, amongst other things!

But she was scared, nervous too…

It had dawned on her two nights ago that as well as the relationship was going (if it even was a relationship she suddenly thought, after all she had never done this before she didn't actually have a clue if this constituted a relationship or not…surely, they loved each other, did it have to be spoken out loud that they were in a relationship to be confirmed? She added that to the list of things she wanted to ask Derek about) she still knew very little about Derek, when they were together he slept in her bed, and when he was at work he slept in the fire house…but what about the other times, when he wasn't at work, and she was! Where did he sleep? She couldn't believe it had never dawned on her before to ask, and she had decided with herself that she would when she saw him next, she had to rid herself of the fear that he had something to hide…he couldn't, could he?

'_I can't get back to my house now…'_

They were the only words he had ever heard her say about his house, and it had been late when she had found him at the fire house that day, he couldn't be hiding something… he was too perfect… could he be that perfect? Did he even have a house? With a closet? Personal stuff? Did he any of that stuff?

She was frustrated with herself for not thinking it before, she had no idea how the fact they never went to his place hadn't entered her thoughts! She had been caught up in the excitement of it all; she had no idea if she was over reacting! It hadn't been all that long that they had been together and she had no ideas what the rules were when it came to staying over and finding out information!

She shook her head out of frustration as she tried to rid her head of the thoughts, he loved her…he loved her…he loved her!

'Penny for them?'

The familiar sound of his voice jolted her from her thoughts as she jumped round quickly, and she felt her heart melt as her eyes locked with his! The stubble across his face was longer than she had seen before and he looked as tired as she felt!

'Hey'

'Hey' he smiled as he leant in and pressed a soft, delicate kiss to her lips, his scratchy face surprising her as she jumped back a little before returning his kiss.

'This is new.' She half heartedly smiled as she ran the back of her hand across his whiskered face.

'Too tired to shave, I will later.'

'No…don't….it might be fun.' She smirked as she felt the blush spread across her cheeks! Simply the sight of him before her was enough to dilute any fear that she had about his life…

'Dirty!'

'Lonely!'

'Not tonight! I have a surprise!'

'You do? What is it?'

'If I told you that then it wouldn't be a surprise now would it!'

'A good surprise?'

'there is no such thing as a bad one when I'm around Mer….or I hope not anyway' He smiled as he pressed a small kiss to the top of her head, before cupping her face with his hands and repeating the action on the tip of her nose! 'You ok?' he asked as he tried to read the half smile that rested across her face.

'Yeah I've just been here a whole night two whole nights!'

'Well soon as you are done call me, I will go and find mark till then, and then we can get going, it's a bit of a drive!'

'Drive? Derek I need to go and change at least please? I haven't seen the inside of my house for three days'

'fine, we can go to your place, get your things, get enough things for a couple of days in fact as I'm hoping you're going to want to stay where I am taking you!'

'A trip?'

'Not exactly? You will have the facts later Mer, trust me!' he laughed as he ran off down the corridor as he spied his brother up ahead.

Meredith stood rooted to the spot! She wasn't supposed to be planning or partaking in a few days away, she was meant to be getting facts, information!

'I want facts Derek Shepherd and until I get them by pants are staying on!' she called after him before letting out a large sigh as he turned and blew her a kiss from up ahead!

'Your pants most definitely will be staying on Grey, on my shift anyway!'

Meredith cringed as she suddenly heard the presence of Miranda bailey behind her!

'You heard that?'

'Kind of hard to miss when you're balling it down an empty corridor! Everything ok?'

'Yeah it's just…and he makes me so…'

'Are you about to bare your soul to me cos I just ate my breakfast and I don't know if my stomach could take all the cheese that could be about to barrel out of your mouth?'

'I am not cheesy!'

'Oh you so are! Walk with me Grey! When I walk, you walk!'

The pain walked in unison down the corridor, their footsteps entirely in time as they headed towards the nurses' station to begin the hand over to the next set of residents taking the floor. Neither spoke, but from the way Meredith was ringing her hands around her wrists Miranda could tell she needed to speak about something!

'you gonna do that to your wrist all day so people start asking you what the bruises are and think you and shepherd are into some weird sex game? Or you going to leave your god dam wrists alone and tell me what's wrong?

Meredith leant down onto the nurses' station and let out a large sigh that surprised even herself. Her exhaustion evident as she allowed her head to lay down on the cool wooden surface and her eyes to close a second.

'When you met Tucker, how quickly did you find out things about each other?' she mumbled from her resting place.

'What do you mean?'

'You know, his favourite colour, his favourite cologne, where he lived, if he had a secret family.. .'

'You don't know where Derek lives?' Miranda laughed as she turned to face Meredith 'oh you are in for a treat?'

'You...You mean you know?'

'Oh Sloan didn't shut up about it for months when Derek moved in!'

'Why?'

'I'm not stupid enough to share that information with you Grey! When Shepherd wants you to know then he will tell you I'm sure.'

'Is it really that big f a deal?'

'If he hasn't shared with you yet, then there must be a reason, it doesn't necessarily mean it is a bad reason Meredith!'

'So he hasn't got a wife and three kids hidden away?' she whispered as she ran her fingers through her hair, the worry written clear across her face for Miranda to see!

'Meredith…no… unless he has kept them hidden from his family and his friends then I can safely say Derek has no skeletons in his closet, or children…or wives! He loves you! That much is clear to see! Stop worrying!'

The sound of Miranda's pager broke the conversation and as she ran off to admit the newest admittance in the ER she called back to Meredith.

'Just ask him, he will share.'

_Just ask him Meredith, just ask him…_

'Where are we going?' Meredith asked for the tenth time as they packed her things into the car and prepared to set off.

'It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you!'

'I hate surprises.' She huffed as she folded her arms and leant back against the door of the car. 'And why do I need all of this stuff?' she questioned as she pointed to the bags that Derek had packed into the back of his jeep.

'You said yourself you like having your stuff around, so I am bringing you some stuff.' He smiled as he gently ran his hand under her chin and onto her cheek as he walked around to the driver's seat.

'I'm not coming!' Meredith suddenly spat 'not until you give me some more information, then I am staying right here!'

'Lighten up Mer it will be good for your blood pressure!'

'Don't tell me to lighten up, ill lighten up when I feel…light!' she yelled as she turned to kick the tyre of his car before slumming back against the door once again!

'Your stuff and I will have a perfectly nice trip, but we will miss you!' Derek laughed as he ignored Meredith's pout and sat down into the driver's seat and started the engine, hitting the accelerator slightly, enough to make Meredith stand back from the door and throw her hands on her hips!

'SERIOUSLY!'

'What?' he chuckled as he wound down the window and smiled his most dreamy smile across at her!

'Urgh!' she moaned as she grabbed the handle, pulled back the door and jumped inside!

'Oh so you are coming?'

'You are so frustrating!'

'What have I done?'

'It's just that I hardly know anything about you' she sighed as she fastened her seat belt and leant back in the chair. 'Give me something to go on, anything; what are your grandparent's names? Where do you spend your summer vacations?

'You know I was born in New York, you know I like ferry boats.'

'You like ferry boats?'

'Oh I thought I told you that?'

'No Derek, you didn't! This is exactly what I mean! I hardly know anything about you! What about your friends?'

'I'm a fire-fighter, I don't have friends!'

'Everybody has friends; I mean who do you hang out with? What do you do on your days off? These are important questions!'

'Important for whom? You have more info then most; you could just roll with it, be flexible, see what happens?'

'I'm not flexible!'

'Ar, there I disagree.' He laughed in the hope to get a lighter harder reaction from Meredith.

'Where having sex every night, I think I deserve details!'

'Every night, not lately?'

'well when we are together then, work may have got in the way the last couple of weeks, but when we are together we have sex…oh…'

'Oh?'

'So just for the record is that what I am? Am I a fuck buddy to you? Is that what this is? You say you love me to get me into bed every night but really it's just about the sex and you just use the words to get what you want?'

'Meredith! No!' Derek shouted, louder than he intended as he pulled his car over on the edge of the road, reached for her hand and gently pulled her face up to his.

'Is that what you think this is? Sex? Really? Do you really think I respect you so little? Do you really think I would use you in such a way?' the hurt evident in his voice as he noticed a build up of tears threatening to cascade down her face.

'No, I don't…I don't think that, it's just, we never made any rules or anything, we never said we had rules. I wouldn't hold it against you…id just like to know'

'Why would I want this to be just about the sex Meredith? From the minute I met you I felt the connection, I heard the thump, you heard it as quickly as I did! This has never been just about the sex! From the minute I met you I wanted more…much, much more. Besides if it was about the sex do you think I would have not being pestering you in the hospital? On your hours break before next shift began? I didn't do any of those things because I respect you. I love you; I want to be with you! I couldn't care less if we never had sex again if it meant I got to stay with you.'

'I never said I don't want sex Derek.' Meredith giggled as she realised how hard her words must have hurt him, 'I love you, and everything you say about wanting more, I agree, I want those things with you. I didn't mean any of this to turn into an argument'

'You know maybe we should, make some rules.' Derek smiled, grateful to see Meredith begin to relax beside him

'we should' she nodded in agreement as she ran her finger tips over his fore arms, clearly nervous, even still!

'You know some people would call this a relationship!' he smiled as he gently lifted a tassel of hair from around her face and tucked it gently behind her ear.

'They would? I was wondering if this, us, if it was a relationship! We never said as such, I wasn't sure if we were meant to say!'

'Mer we are in a relationship, and there is nowhere else I would rather be! We can exchange keys, leave a toothbrush over…'

'Argh see there lies the problem! How can I have a key for your invisible house? How can I leave my tooth brush in your nonexistent bathroom?'

'I'm coming to that!'

'And I'm supposed to believe you? Show me something, where are we going?'

'Trust me, please'

Meredith had asked no more questions as they had boarded the ferry across to Bainbridge Island, the ferry master had made it clear to drivers to stay inside their vehicles as the wind was up in the harbour and it was deemed safer to stay inside, and as they pair drove off the other side and started their decent into what could only be described as the wilderness meredith couldn't help but begin to feel nervous!

Derek pulled his jeep down a long, winding dirt track before pulling it up besides a large grassed area and couldn't help but allow himself a little smile as he cast a glance over towards meredith and was convinced she was holding her breath!

'we are here!' he laughed as he jumped out of the car and made his way around to the passanger door to open it for meredith.

'Come on' he ordered as he held his hand out for her to hold and led the way to a clearing beyond the trees.

'where are we?'

'shhh, I'm gonna tell you. All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favorite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in that trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just... just gonna have to take on faith.'

Meredith looked between the man she loved, and the trailer he had just pointed out, and she couldn't help but keep the smile from her face as she took a few steps towards the trailer before turning and holding her hand out to beckon derek to follow her!

Derek focussed on her hand and allowed his gaze to follow its length up to her smiling face and electric gaze! Relief washing over him as he closed the gap between them, enveloped his hand with hers and set off inside the trailer.

_At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happily ever after – just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away._


	31. Chapter 30 trailer

Hya everyone! As always thank you so so much for your kind words of support over the last chapter, comments and messages really do mean the world to me and are a real inspiration to keep on writing!

This chapter is a little bit fluffy, quite a lot fluffy actually and just kind of wrote itself as My MerDer decided they needed a nice happy, fluffy day together

There may be some 'tease' and I am sorry if you do not get to hear ALL about a scene later mentioned, however I could not get my head into that porny place it sometimes goes so this was the best I could do! Hope you don't mind!

So as much as things may be mentioned, I apologise now if you were hoping for the full account, it just wouldn't write, not this time, not in full anyway!

But as always I will PROMISE you more porny again in this fic, its inevitable…derek is a fireman and that really does need writing about

Please let me know what you think…and jen…don't kick my ass for not going too porny, its coming I promise lol!

Trailer

Meredith couldn't think of a time that she had ever been more relaxed as she sat with her feet dangling into the water of Derek's lake, her shoulder resting firmly against his as he skimmed the occasional stone across the still expanse of water before them. She had already had a quick tour of the inside of the trailer, but as she had looked out of the small kitchen window her gaze had fallen upon the lake and she had shocked Derek with her shriek of excitement that she hadn't even stopped to ask if his bed was comfortable! Derek had made some sandwiches and potato salad as he had try to contain her exhilaration, grateful that he had remembered to stock the fridge ready for arrival, anticipating that she would be as hungry as usual, and the pair had quickly set off to explore the land…and the lake with their mini picnic in tow. Meredith hadn't hesitated to head to the lake first, nor had she thought twice about lacing her fingers through his as the pair had made their way down to the jetty.

'I can't believe you live in a trailer!' she giggled as she took a sip of the traditional lemonade that Derek had bought along, shivering at its bitterness but enjoying it all the same.

'Well believe it, because I do!' he smiled as he leant in to taste the lemonade that lay still on her lips, so pleased and relaxed to see how comfortable she was out in the wild

'It's miles out from the station, what happens when there is an emergency and you have to be in work right away?' she asked as she reached over and took a bite from his sandwich, before passing it back as the mustard hit the back of her throat. 'Urgh mustard?'

'Got to do something to stop you stealing my food!' he laughed as he passed her a turkey sandwich from the basket as he knew it would me more to her liking. 'If I'm on call I often stay at Marks, or Moms…or yours just lately, its only rarely that I will get a call from out here, until last night I hadn't stayed here in a while anyway, and it has been known that I've joined my team at the site if needed. But normally if I am on call for an emergency then its Mark's spare room that gets the pleasure of my company! Or the fire house if Mark has company!'

'I can't believe I didn't know this about you! I can't believe you kept this to yourself! It's amazing out here!' she beamed as she spun her head around to take in the vast trees that surrounded her 'it's just so secluded, you wouldn't never even know it was here.'

'You like it then?' he smiled as he watched the grin spread across her face and her eyes light up as she answered.

'Like it? Derek I love it! It's just so peaceful and so serene; it's the kind of place that makes all your troubles disappear. It's the kind of place surgeons, and fire-fighters need to escape! It's your very own sanctuary!'

'It definitely does that! When I bought the land everyone assumed I was crazy, and questioned me on why I would want to live in the wilderness. Mom's house had always been busy, Marks was like a whore house in the past… but I moved out here for the quiet, in my job there isn't much time to relax and just think, but here you can do both of those things, and more. I love it'

'That's like the OR for me, that's where I find my quiet, at times, the rush you get when you are operating is only appreciated if you get to concentrate in silence, that's the kind of feeling I get excited about. I love the quiet.'

'I'm sorry I didn't show you sooner! I didn't know what you would think of it, I was always planning on sharing this moment with you, letting you in, telling you things. I was just waiting for the right moment. Only a handful of people have been out here, mom, Mark, Baileys son, the sisters and their tribes of course…but no one else until you.'

'Baileys son?'

'Mark made baileys life hell one day in the ER and was asked to seek forgiveness by babysitting for the day! Mark being mark had no idea what to do with a toddler so he came out here and we fished, it was fun actually!'

'And today you shared it with me? Because I put pressure on you?'

'No, not at all, I'm sorry if that's how you feel it has got nothing to do with pressure, I was always planning to bring you out here for the next couple of days, as soon as I saw that our schedules matched for once. I wanted to have some time together, to just be…'

'Us?'

'Exactly…us. Work has been crazy for us both these last couple of weeks, just when we have wanted and needed to spend time together it has all but been impossible, we are just starting out on an incredible journey Mer, and I don't want anything getting in our way, we need this…you need this.'

'I need you.' She whispered as a hint of red blush spread across her cheeks as she surprised herself once again at how open and honest she was in Derek's company, 'Don't be surprised if you come home after an emergency and find me tucked up on the hammock over their!' she smiled as she leant into him slightly.

'I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather find you. But you wouldn't have to stay in the hammock Mer, you could let yourself in'

'Derek Shepherd you don't lock the trailer? Oh my god I bet there is a tiger under your bed!'

'A tiger? In Seattle, I think we are safe there Mer! Besides I lock the trailer!'

'How then Derek? I am unable to walk through walls, or metal sheeting or whatever and I don't have a key?'

'Arrr, about that.' He smiled, 'I think you might need this.' He beamed as he reached inside his jeans pocked and pulled out a small, gold key with a purple key tag hanging from it. 'Don't freak out ok, please, I know its quick, and you never have to use it if you don't want. To be honest I wouldn't even lock the trailer if it wasn't for reports of animals in the area. I don't want to come home to find raccoons n my bed or a bear in my shower…'

'b-b-b-bears?'

'Relax Mer they are more scared of us and the noise than we are of them, they won't come anywhere near us!' he pulled her in close as he spoke and with his free hand he slowly opened the palm of hers and placed the key upon it. 'It's your call. If you want to use it do. If not bring a coat or a blanket if you're planning on sleeping in the hammock! But it does get cold on a night so you are probably going to want to be inside'

'Wow…I don't know what to say, or think…its fast, really, really fast.'

'I know and I mean it, I won't be offended if you never use, or save it until you feel ready. But I'm letting you know that I'm ready for you to have it, for whenever you feel ready, please don't feel rushed.'

'that's just it, I don't, nothing about this…us…has been straight forward or slow paced, it's all been kind of quick, after I stopped hiding anyway, and for some reason this isn't freaking me out, I want to use it…I really do.'

'Then do Mer, Please, even if it's for the quiet after surgery then please use it. It's like a place, for you. If I'm not here, or expected here you can still use it'

'It's not even my birthday and it's like the greatest present ever, one of my only presents ever.' She sighed as her hand closed around the key. 'The trailer is amazing Derek, it really is, but the land, it's just perfect, it's so you…me, it's us! And the quiet, is the one present I didn't think anyone could ever encompass, yet you have done that today, so effortlessly, so perfectly, you amaze me, you are amazing!'

'I'm glad you agree.' He whispered as he pressed his lips to the top of her head and inhaled the sweet aroma of lavender that he was so attached too before he poured them both more lemonade and the lovers toasted the new found understanding together.

'To the quiet.'

'to us.'

'Derek…I didn't even realise this was where you were going so I haven't got anything to give you back in return. But when we are back around civilisation and the living I promise to have you a key made!'

'You don't have to do that Mer, not just because I did. This isn't what this was about'

'It wouldn't be because of that; I'm not that girl Derek! But what's the point of sleeping at Marks or your moms if I am due home, or even if I'm not! You might as well stay in the house and be close, if you are needed, or if I need warming in the night it would be pretty amazing to know you were going to be there! I'd be more likely to go home that's for sure, instead of working extra shifts left, right and centre.'

'Using me for central heating?'

'Amongst other things' she murmured as she allowed his comforting arms to encircle, in a place she felt completely safe, she completely belonged.

**********************************************************************************Derek and Meredith had sat out by the lake for most of the day, and well into the early evening. Mer had been mesmerised by the quiet. The pair had been surprised when the moon had shed its rays across the rippling water, the reflections had shimmered like glitter across the night sky and Derek had practically had to bribe her back into the warmth with the promise of a hot chocolate!

He watched her as she skipped ahead of him back towards the trailer, he was relieved at how well she had taken to his home, he had hoped she wouldn't be put off by the wilderness, but if anything she seemed happier here then he thought he had ever seen her and he was kicking himself for not sharing with her sooner! He smiled as he watched her jump up onto the decking like a toddler eager to reach their favourite toy, before turning and hopping back off again, casting a small wave over in his direction as if to hurry him up! And he sighed as he watched her collapse onto the hammock, as he admitted to himself that he would be lucky to get in there again, it was clear she had claimed it as her own!

'You know I gave you a key so you could use it!' he pointed out as he stood above the hammock and ran his fingers gently along the soft pink glow of her cheek.

'I didn't want to assume…'

'Meredith…you can use it whenever you want, there are no conditions, I promise.' He smiled as he leant into the hammock and allowed his lips to find hers, the moment contact was made he felt her hands stroke through his hair before settling on the back of his head and pulling him closer, deepening the kiss at her own pace.

'Mmmmm' he moaned as he allowed himself to be pulled closer to her, his own hands mirroring hers as they laced through her hair and cupped her face gently as the kiss intensified.

'Get in…or on or whatever!' Meredith whispered as she pulled away a little and allowed Derek to see the glint of excitement in her eye!

'In? Mer I'm not entirely convinced that's possible in there?'

'We won't know unless we try will we?' she giggled as she reached down to her shirt and began to unbutton the first few buttons before Derek realised she wasn't going to stop and reached in himself and finished the last for her, throwing it down onto the deck behind him as he managed to manoeuvre it without spilling her from the hammock. He quickly followed suit with his own shirt and quickly discarded it onto the decking, before stepping forwards and allowing Meredith to unhook the belt of his shorts as she kept the hammock as still as possible. She watched him shimmy out of them before he gently lowered himself alongside of her in the hammock, eager not to upset the balance as he took the waist band of her pants and managed to lower them enough, before she gently kicked her feet to allow her legs to escape, leaving the pair side by side in nothing more than their underwear.

'It's a good job there is no one else for miles around!' Meredith smiled as she turned slightly and allowed her body to rest against his as she found out his lips with her own, and quickly eased her tongue inside his mouth, and fought for control of the hammock with him, each determined to control the pace…and not fall out however it wasn't long before their kisses gelled as one, and each trusted the other to be allowed a little more freedom to explore the other!

'How are we gonna?' he whispered between kisses as his hands explored her body, running her fingers along her spine as he pulled her closer, her own hands trailing delicate touches along his side, smiling as she watched the electricity enter both of their bodies and spread shivers along each of their naked forms.

'I guess I could just, trust me ok.' She smiled as she raised herself up slightly and began to mover her body up and over his, trusting him to move under her carefully as she began to lay down upon his chest and thighs.

'Whoa. Mer. Don't….'

Before either of the pair knew what was happening the hammock had uprooted the pair and deposited them both on the decking in a near naked heap, meredith landing with a thud on top of Derek, Derek narrowly missing knocking his head on the wooden plants.

'Oh my god!' Meredith cried as she grabbled for her shirt as if to cover herself, covering her face with the shirt, and very little else, as she fumbled from on top of Derek and she sat embarrassed and to blame for the sudden end to their adventure.

'Mer, don't' Derek smiled as he reached for hand as if to remove the shirt from her face 'it was worth a try, and we have plenty of time to practice!'

'You mean you want to try that again?' she mumbled from under the sheer fabric of her shirt, Derek clearly detecting the embarrassment in her voice.

'Not right now no. But we can get it, I know we can, you're flexible'

'I am not!'

'Oh there I beg to differ!'

'Did I hurt you then?' she enquired as she finally came out from under her shirt, her knees wrapped tightly up to her chin, her arms bringing them closer still.

'No of course not, the reason I don't want to try the hammock right at this moment is simple; the thought of trying and failing again and delaying feeling myself inside of you really isn't appealing…I want you…now.' He winked as he stood and offered her his hand, relief washing over him as she took his hand, and as she stood he swept her up into his arms and moved inside the trailer where they knew there would be no dangers, no more than usual anyway!

The night time shadows had long filled the trailer as Meredith and Derek lay in one another's arms in the bedroom area, both finding breathing hard to manage, and words hard to come by as they came down from their exertions. Moving in from the hammock had proved a wise move, as now, three hours later the pair were fighting sleep in order to share one another's company just a few minutes longer.

They had entered the trailer with all intention of making the bed the first stop, but it wasn't until round two that they actually found themselves hitting the mattress, the small confides of the kitchen had proved too much for Derek and as he had carried Meredith through the passageway instead of placing her upon his bed, he had chosen to position her on the work surface instead, and it hadn't taken the pair long to christen the trailer in ways only they knew fit!

Rounds two and three were very much focussed in the bedroom, number 2 was furious, much like the first in the kitchen, however three had been slow and tantalizing in ways both were sure they had never experienced before! They were growing to know one another's bodies inside out, what made them tick, what didn't, and it seemed that when they had the time for slow, and really maximised the others zones then the orgasms they could build were electric to say the least.

Still now, minutes had passed yet the fuzziness of the most powerful and orgasmic round yet was still to wear off.

'Mer?'

'Hmmm?'

'You with me still?'

'Just about, that was… I dunno what that was but I know it felt amazing!'

'You felt it too then?'

'Could you not tell?'

'Oh I could tell, I don't think I've ever felt anything like it before…you were gone…so gone!'

'I think I'm still gone, or on my way back or whatever! My head is just so…'

'Blurry?'

'That and more, wow Derek…wow!'

'Must be the fact we can't get caught, we can be as loud as we want!'

'We were loud!'

'You Meredith…you were loud!'

'And that wasn't you growling like a bear as you came?'

'mmmmm'

'I rest my case!' she whispered as she turned slightly onto her side, pulling Derek's arms around her as she rolled.

'Sleep?' he smiled as he kissed into her neck and wrapped his arms further around her, entwining his fingers with her.

'Yeah….sleep.' meredith murmured as the exhaustion began to take hold of her body 'then more, but sleep first!'

'Meredith Grey are you suggesting morning sex?'

'mmmmm, sooner we sleep, sooner we can...' She whispered as she drifted off unable to finish her sentence, both in a place neither had ever thought they would be.

Happy.


	32. Chapter 31 meet and great

Meet and great

Meredith couldn't believe how well things were going with Derek, she had to pinch herself, or throw cold water across her face at times just to make sure all of this wasn't a dream, and she was pleasantly surprised every time she realised this was in fact the life she was living! She kept waiting for the shoe to drop and something to go wrong, but miraculously each day things just seemed to get better and better.

She had used her trailer key on a few occasions now over the last month, times when she knew Derek would be home, but also times when she had just needed to disappear for a little while and shut herself off from the world, she had lost a couple of patients recently that she had taken pretty hard, and when Derek had to work through the night she had often found herself heading out to the trailer to clear her thoughts and to deal with the heartache the losses had caused her, it was strange but even when he didn't make it home, she still felt the comfort from sleeping in his t shirt, or between his bed sheets, the trailer was just so…him! Every time she left for work again she felt able to deal with her job that little bit more. It took a pretty special person to help someone even when they weren't physically there, the more time she spent at the trailer, exploring the land, the more she fell in love with it and him!

As she drove along the dirt path she was grateful of the fact that tonight she wouldn't be alone at the trailer, Derek's shift had finished hours earlier and he had text her to invite her over for the night, but her battery had gone before she had chance to read the entirety of his message or had the chance to reply so she had decided to venture straight out to the trailer, assuming it would still be ok, besides her charger was out here anyway as she had left it the night before when she had used the quiet to help her work on a research paper.

She had smiled when she had got back to her locker and retrieved her phone and noticed Derek's name flashing across the centre of her screen, she had quickly flicked to the text message but had only read the first few lines before the red light had flashed urgently and her screen had gone blank

'Heading back to the trailer, can you come over tonight? It's ok if you don't want to its just Ma has…'

She had no idea what Mrs Shepherd must have done but she assumed it couldn't have been too bad as Derek he would have tried to reach her at the hospital when she hadn't replied.

She couldn't wait to see him, it had been over 48 hours now and she couldn't quite believe that she had become that girl who needed to see her partner every minute of the day, she needed him to hold her, she needed to feel his arms cast a safety net around her, she had had a terrible day after having to turn off an elderly patients life support machine when it was realised the patient had wanted no extraordinary measures to keep her alive. Meredith had found her and incubated assuming she was saving a life, but instead had had to pull the plug on an old lady who had led quite the exciting life if her friends were to be believed, even though it was what she had wanted meredith couldn't help but feel like she killed her, and that very thought shook her to the core!

She didn't kill people, she saved them.

As she got within a few metres of the trailer she was surprised to see two cars beside the airstream, not just one, she cast an eye down at her watch and realised she was much later than she had anticipated, and she couldn't help but worry that Derek had assumed she wasn't coming and made alternative arrangements that didn't involve her, she quickly shook her head to rid of her any such thoughts, he loved her, he wouldn't do that! But that still didn't give an explanation as to why there was another vehicle parked in the place she liked to call her spot, and her heart sank a little as she realised she was going to have to wait to get chance to be with Derek alone as he obviously had company!

As she pulled up and climbed out of the car she could hear the definite sound of laughter coming from the front of the trailer and she relaxed a little as she realised there was more than one other voice echoing through the woods, so unless he had quickly discovered a love for all things multiple she was pretty sure she needed to stop worrying about what she was about to see!

As she grew nearer the distinct smell of smouldering coals infiltrated her senses as she realised Derek must have guests and be barbecuing, her stomach let out a growl, making herself jump as she rounded the corner and lay her eyes on the scene before her!

Derek was behind the barbecue at the front of the trailer, a chef's hat perched precariously on his head, almost like he had been asked to wear it but hadn't wanted to risk ruining his hair! He was smiling as he listened to their conversation, but something was off. As clear as his smile was, it was his eyes that were lacking the Derek sparkle she had so quickly fallen for. They looked sad, hurt…worried, scared? and most importantly he definitely wasn't ok, and the thought of him upset concerned her deeply…what had changed in a few short hours? Three women sat with their backs to Meredith, lounging in the recliner chairs, and as she moved slowly closer she was pretty sure Derek hadn't spotted her, it was only when she stumbled a little on a rock she hadn't seen and let out a tiny yelp had anyone even looked over in her direction and registered her presence!

'You're here!' Derek called, a little too urgently, as he placed the fork he was holding down on the plate and quickly closed the gap between himself and his girlfriend 'I didn't think you'd be coming, you didn't reply?' he asked quizzically as he took her by the elbow and steadied her over the last of the rocks that led to the decking, before placing a kiss to the top of her head 'I thought you panicked.' He whispered as he bent down beside the cool bag and pulled out an ice cold beer for himself, and for Meredith, his hands shaking as he handed the bottle over, something that didn't go unnoticed by Meredith.

'Panicked?' she asked, raising one eyebrow as she tried to read his face, there was one thing she had quickly realised about Derek, he wore his heart on his sleeve and his emotions across his face. And his eyes were definitely still showing the signs of … fear… he looked scared, that was it!

'Yeah.' He nodded, but not elaborating as he hoped to end the discussion.

'I don't understand?' Meredith replied inquisitively as she walked around until the three women were in view, her heart quickening slightly as she recognised the familiar face of Derek's mom, and two others she could only assume to be sisters but eager to follow Derek all the same and find out if he was ok.

'what my idiot brother is trying to say, or not say more to the point is that he thought you ran a mile at the prospect of meeting some of his family, he has been trying to act all macho and Derek like as he made excuses for your absence, but at the end of the day he thought he had sent you running for the hills!' one of the women reported, a smirk on her face as she watched the blush spread over Derek's face as he threw the cloth he had been holding down onto the grass and shot his sister a look of horror at her words!

'Nancy Boardman, Derek's much more direct older sister' she laughed as she offered Meredith her hand. Unsure of the best response Meredith held out her hand and shook Nancy's. She was surprised by the strength of her grip 'H...Hi, I'm Meredith.' She replied as she offered Nancy a small smile as she tried her best not to freak out at the impromptu meeting of the shepherd clan!

'It's nice to put a face to the name, I know you had the pleasure of meeting Mom in the hospital but I seemed to always miss you when I visited! You have made quite the impression on Mom, and my brother! Just for the record, I'm sure he has told you I am the evil sister, but I'm not, not really!'

'Meredith dear it's lovely to see you again' Mrs Shepherd suddenly cut in as she stepped up to great her. 'Derek has been like a dog with his favourite bone hiding you away, I was delighted to hear everything was going so well and that you followed your heart' Carolyn smiled as she engulfed Meredith in an unexpected hug, but one that surprisingly felt so comfortable, Meredith returned the action and allowed her arms to hold the older lady in return before the third voice cut in.

'I guess I should day hi too then, although I was inclined to agree with my brother, I thought you had done a runner, I mean in this family meeting the mother is easy, it's the sisters you have to be wary of.' She laughed as she stood up and also offered her hand 'I'm Amelia, Derek's favourite, not that he cares to admit it, but he made me who I am today so I guess I owe him a lot' she smiled as she shook her hand 'Hey Derek bet you're pretty glad you weren't proved right?' Amelia called over to the barbecue, expecting to see her brother glaring at them from the grill, but instead they all registered a vacant space. 'Derek?'

Meredith looked up and was surprised to see that he had gone, she felt her blood pumping chaotically through her body as she finally did begin to panic… he thought she wasn't coming? He must have told her about his family coming over in the text and he thought she hadn't wanted to meet them! He had doubted her? After all he had said about not panicking when she thought he had been injured weeks earlier, he had gone and reacted to a situation he too knew nothing about! Her battery had gone, like his that night, yet he still feared the worst! Suddenly a slight movement in the kitchen area of the trailer caught her eye as she witnessed Derek appear to kick something from his way and sulk into the bedroom.

'It is lovely too see you again Mrs Shepherd, and to meet you both too but if you excuse me I will be right back, I think someone needs some reassurance or something, I didn't even know you guys were here, my cell battery died hours ago'

'I knew you wouldn't run dear.' Carolyn whispered under hear breath as she watched Meredith move inside the trailer 'I can even hear the thump from here.' She thought to herself as she moved over to keep an eye on the steaks that were grilling.

'It's not nice to spy you know!' Amelia pointed out as she followed Carolyn's view point straight into the trailer.

'Amelia Shepherd, I am not spying I am cooking, so unless you want your steak to resemble charcoal then I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself!'

'Yeah yeah Ma, I will keep my opinions to myself when you keep your nose out of your sons business! Give them a minute!'

Thump

Thump

'Derek?' Meredith sighed as she stepped inside the trailer, her gaze falling upon his exhausted form laying out on the bed, his feet still touching the floor, but his body stretched backward, as If he had being sitting just moments earlier

'Derek, is it true? What Nancy said? You thought I had fled? Seriously?' she asked as she neared the bed, her heart racing as she got no response. 'Speak to me!' she insisted as she reached forward and placed a hand on his knee. 'it wasn't so long ago you were pointing out to me that I shouldn't panic or freak out before I had all the facts, yet here you were doing the exact same thing! You doubted me?'

'I'm sorry.' He murmured quietly, almost inaudible, but to Meredith, whose eyes, and ears were fixated firmly on Derek she didn't miss it. 'I shouldn't have doubted you.' He replied apologetically from his resting place on the bed, his eyes remaining firmly closed. 'It was hours ago, and you reply, you always reply except this time you didn't. I wanted nothing more than you to come over here tonight and make the most of our free time together, I even bought ice cream, yet when I left work I had a call from Mom inviting herself and the girls over for the evening, and to be honest I didn't want to face them all alone, they can be a lot, and I wanted to see you after not seeing you for two days. So I sent a quick message, and I assumed that you had found it all too much, we never discussed meeting the family, there have been no discussions regarding family full stop, and I thought when I mentioned my sisters that you had decided that all of this was too quick, that we were too quick.' His voice strained as he spoke and as he finished he slowly opened his eyes and pleaded with Meredith not to be mad, relief washing over him as he watched her kick off her shoes and crawl in along side of him in the bed, her arms instinctively finding his chest and her hand tapping out the beat of his heart in time with her own.

' You shouldn't have doubted me Derek, my battery died the minute I opened your text so I never read it all, today was hell, I saw that you had wanted me to come over but I never got to finish reading the screen. But knowing you had wanted me here was all I had needed.'

'But you didn't come…'

'I didn't come earlier because I got called into an emergency surgery and then I killed a patient, which I don't think I will ever forget as that was most definitely not the reason I became a surgeon. All I wanted was to get back here to you, for you to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok, I didn't even realise I was walking into a meet and great with the Shepherds.'

'You were just late?'

'I was just late Derek. I couldn't run from an event I didn't even know was happening, it's impossible. Besides I have already met your mother Derek'

'And now?'

'And now I'm pretty sure your family think we are crazy! Or more to the point that YOU are crazy, a trailer, a freak out, a chef's hat…I think you're pretty lucky they haven't called psych on you right here and now'

'Im glad you are here.'

'There is nowhere else I would rather be Derek, I love you.'

'I love you too.'

Meredith and Derek had returned to join the others and the barbecue had gone off with limited drama! Amelia and Nancy had told story after story to embarrass their brother, with great success, as Meredith had ended the evening with vivid pictures of a geeky afro sporting kid who always failed to get the girl! And Meredith couldn't help but laugh at the fact he was probably the kid she would have loved to have hated at school…but would have found a connection anyway!

She had loved Carolyn the minute she had met her, she had been so easy to talk too, and somehow she had felt it possible to relax in her company from the very first time she shared with her the story of Michael…and the thump factor. Every time she lay eyes on Derek, and her heart rate quicken she had been reminded of the wise words that Derek's mom had shared with her, and even on the longest of days she had kept her faith in the fact that they were meant to be.

Amelia and Nancy had been welcoming, surprisingly so, she had only heard snippets from Derek about his sisters, mainly in passing and she was pretty sure he had painted them out to be so much worse than they actually were! And she was pretty sure they liked her, which was close to a miracle!

As the night drew in and the air grew cold the Shepherds had set off back to catch the last ferry to Seattle and left the pair huddled under a blanket as the swung back and forth in the hammock.

'I really am sorry.' He said, apologetically as he ran his fingers delicately along her forearm as it rested outside of the blanket.

'I know.' She smiled back as she nestled her head further into his chest, seeking comfort in the regular rhythm of his heart.

'I think they love you!'

'They are pretty great Derek; I never thought this would be something I would have.'

'Us?'

'not just us, the bigger us, the family, the love, the support…it's amazing really, I'm not going to lie, if I had read your message in its entirety I may have freaked a little but I still would have show up, I would have done it for you because I would have known you would have held my hand.'

'you never talk about your family?' he whispered as he turned slightly to face her, pressing a small kiss to her lips as he ran his fingers up through her hair, 'I just realised now, in the speed of all this between us I have never even asked about your life.'

'That's just it, you…my friends…Lexie; they are my family…that's where the family tree ends.'

'But?'

'Not now Derek, please. Soon I promise you, I want to let you in. just not now.'

'Ok' he sighed as he pulled her in close, and the pair fell asleep underneath the stars.


	33. Chapter 32 just do that

**Hey to all the new readers, and the old ones who have come back to catch up I appreciate your following of my fic so much.**

**I asked a pretty big question after the last update and got lots of different responses here/surgical language and on twitter for what you would like to happen next as I wasn't entirely sure how I wanted to deal with the Ellis issue!**

**I have to be completely honest and say that I got a varied response, some wanting her alive, others wanting her dead so earlier today I all but wrote TWO updates, one for each scenario, they were both as equally hard to write and in the end I came down on the side of this one... I hope you like it, and if it wasn't the option you went for I am really sorry and I really hope that you don't mind!**

**Jen... thank you so much for reading this one before I posted! I defog needed a second eye on this!**

**To everyone who commented on the last chapter I am so sorry I havent responded to your feedback yet, FF was down for a couple of days and wouldn't let me sign in and I haven't had chance to catch up yet, but I promise I will reply to ALL that are left for me!**

**Once again thank you for all the support it means the world to me xxx**

**Just do that**

Rain hammered against the bedroom window, the frames appearing to shake with the force that barricaded against them, and the hail that joined it seemed persistent in trying to break the glass! The black onyx sky outside was as dark as the night could be, the moon was shadowed by the storm clouds that had infiltrated the sky some 30 minutes ago and she found herself jumping every time a crash of thunder boomed around the room, or lightening spread through the room and highlighted the mound of clothes that lay scattered across her floor.

3:16am flashed across the alarm clock beside her bed.

She should be asleep, she had completed a 24 hour shift, then spent the evening listening once again how she was never wanted, and she hadn't seen Derek for nearly 48 hours so like many times before she was beginning to believe, no one did want her!

There were days when she was like a sink with an open drain and let anything she said go right through but sometimes, like today then her words were harsh and damaging, she couldn't let them go, and as she surveyed the disaster that her room had become, she couldn't help but think Derek would be better off alone.

_[I] Love will leave you weak, are you in love because you definitely appear weak! [/I]_

She was definitely going to need sleep before he arrived to collect her later, if he arrived. She closed her eyes as she tried to blank out the echoes of the storm outside, and couldn't help but wish he were here with her, but as scary as the storm was it was in fact the last thing keeping her awake.

She was freaking out, which she knew was stupid and irrational because she had met his mother a few times now…and two of his sisters Nancy and Amelia two weeks ago at the trailer, which wasn't expected at all, yet had surprisingly gone well but somehow the hospital and the trailer had felt like her turf. It had felt easy or something to see them in the two places she felt completely herself. Yet now as she stood in her bedroom clad only in a black bra and uncoordinated white pants amidst an array of completely inappropriate clothing she was close to a panic attack as she realised she had absolutely nothing to wear! She had gone to bed as planned just after 12 but woke up shortly before 2.30 to the sheer panic of the fact that she had nothing at all in her wardrobe to wear to Sunday lunch at the Shepherds.

The Shepherds!

Which technically she knew meant only one more sister, as there was definitely one off travelling before she gave herself to the intern program and right at this moment she made a mental note to buy her a tequila sometime to thank her for being one less person to meet today! But three sisters also meant nieces, and nephews, and husbands…and for all she knew Great Uncle Billy or something, and Mark, who she was pretty sure would enjoy every minute of watching her squirm in her seat and probably do his best to embarrass her! She wouldn't even have Lexie as a comrade as she was in work.

She had no one.

Families didn't like her, didn't want her, she knew that all too well, and until Derek she had never believed it possible to feel so loved by another individual, but he had made her believe that anything was possible, at times she would have believed she could fly if he had told her so…but now with the prospect of going to them, to their sanctuary she felt physically sick.

_[I] you are no more than… ordinary! [/I]_

She had managed so well in avoiding the subject of family with Derek. She knew she should speak to him about her trepidations where family were concerned. She wasn't quite sure how she had managed to hide things for so long, not just with Derek but in work too. No one knew, the Chief and others had bought the idea that she was travelling and writing a book, no one had pushed for more as one thing they did know was that their relationship had always been strained, so no one had questioned the idea! But Derek knew only what he had been told; practically nothing, he knew her parents were divorced, and she may have mentioned the travelling thing, she wasn't too sure now looking back, he knew Lexie was her half sister but she doubted he even knew who Ellis Grey was, unless Mark had filled him in. Her family had become all but a taboo subject since the small mention in the trailer, he had done what she had asked and he hadn't pushed or delved for more information, he was just himself and she was relieved that he had let the matter drop.

_[I] you deserve to be alone [/I]_

She owed it to him to let him in, and she would probably owe it to him when she had to make up for making a fool of herself at the meal later, she had a horrendous feeling that she might arrive at the Shepherds in love and leave alone because just maybe her mother was right.

_[I]you're not capable of love, you're my daughter [/I]_

She felt her legs collapse beneath her before she was able to stop herself falling to the floor, tears flooding from her green pools as the words she had worked so hard to rid from her memory repeatedly swum around her head, if she didn't know better she would have sworn she was in the room retelling her over and over…when in reality it had only been a few short hours.

'Meredith? What happened? Are you ok?'

'Derek?' Meredith turned quickly, her damp eyes glistening as they met with his blue mirrors as she struggled to hold back more tears. 'You're here?'

'Of course I'm here where else would I want to be? I finished work and the storm was bad I thought I would just sneak in bed with you as a surprise for the morning!' he whispered as he closed the gap between himself and her broken frame on the floor and took her into his arms 'what's all this?'

'I have nothing to wear, not one thing, I'm not the kind of girl who has 'lunch with the Shepherd's outfits', and don't say it's not a big deal because it is, its huge, its all of them in one small place, staring at me, and Kathleen is a psychiatrist so she will be analyzing me the minute I walk in, she will probably have told you to run for the hills by the time the starter hits the table, I bet she has the ability to read me from the word go. I can see it now, pulling you to one side to warn you of the mommy issues…the daddy issues…there are a lot of issues Derek…'

'My family love you Meredith, from what they know they think you are perfect for me…You ARE perfect for me I thought you realised that? Your parents are divorced, it's not the end of the world, it happens, no one is judging you for that'

'I…I… I do…I just…' her breath caught in her throat as her panic flooded to the surface as she clawed at her neck as she struggled for air, her nails near to drawing blood.

'Meredith…stop…its ok…shhhh, you need to breathe. Look at me.' Derek demanded the worry evident in his voice as he reached out to take her hands in his, desperate to stop her from hurting herself.

'You...don't… you…go…its.' She sobbed as she gasped for air, trying to pull her hands from Derek's as if pushing herself away.

'Hey, look at me…Mer…please, you are scaring me.'

'She said…and what if...true…I…can't...'

'Please Mer, look at me, it's me Derek, I'm here, look at me.' He pleaded as he took her head in his hands trying to get her to make eye contact with him.

'I don't…I don't …I don't want to die alone…' she sobbed as her breathing sounded worrisome and definitely shallower then before.

'Slow down. Just slow down. Shh...Slow deep breaths now. Slow deep breaths.' He whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair, before standing up and scouring the top of the cupboard, relief washing over him as he noticed a pharmacy bag on the top. 'breathe in the bag Mer.' He soothed as sat again beside her, relief washing over him as she reached out for his hand, and leant down into his shoulder as her breathing slowly began to regulate.

'You're ok Mer, breathe, slowly. That's it.'

The seconds seemed like hours as he held her hand tight and encouraged her to slow her breathing, ensuring the contact between the pair was maintained and he was taken by surprise when he heard the sudden whisper of her voice coming from buried deep in his shoulder.

'I'm OK.'

'You're OK.'

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.'

The pair sat in relative silence for a short while, Derek's arms wrapped firmly around her, Meredith's head gently placed upon his chest, both their bodies leaning back slightly onto the base of the bed, the place Derek had managed to move them back to without disturbing her too much. He continued to run his hands up and down her back, tracing the bony spurs of her spine with his nimble fingers.

'I'm right here Mer, whenever you want to talk, IF you want to talk, I'm right here.' he whispered as he felt her begin to rise up from her resting place across his chest. 'A lot of tears today?'

She stood shakily from the floor, and held her hand out to him, before guiding him up and sitting onto the edge of the bed, away from the clothes that lay scattered across the carpet.

'Yeah, it's my mother. She isn't travelling. She isn't writing a book. She isn't anything. I've been lying to everyone.' She sighed as she laced her fingers through his, allowing her hypnotizing cerulean orbs to meet with his willingly: for the first time since her break down.

'Why?'

'She has Alzheimer's. '

'How advanced?'

'Very. She's in a home and I'm the only one who even knows she's sick. I just don't know what to do anymore, you know?'

Derek raised his hand and ran his fingers through her hair delicately before stroking his thumb over her pale, tear stained, porcelain cheek, ensuring his gaze met with hers long enough to let her no he was here. As her head dropped a little he moved in closer and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to the top of her head before engulfing her within his arms.

She was letting him in. He still wasn't pushing her, but she was capable of letting him in.

Her mother was wrong, she deserved to be loved, Derek loved her, and she sure as hell loved him back.

'I wanna let you in.' she whispered as she released Derek from her grasp and pressed a small, but cherished kiss to his lips. 'I wanna be better at everything, I've never had someone who cared for me, or made me feel the way you do, or loved me and the fact that I'm able to let you with a mother like mine is some kind of miracle.'

'You can talk to me you know, when you are ready? Now, tomorrow, three years from now? Whenever you want to talk I will be here, because I promise you this Meredith. I'm not going anywhere, ever…'I'm here Mer; no one should have to go through this alone. You could have told me.' He soothed as he pressed further kisses into the sweet lavender aroma that had long become his favourite smell. 'You didn't say anything. I could have helped you, I CAN help you Meredith.'

'If you want to help me you can help me find something to wear for lunch, just do that, She smiled, the tears still evident to see within her eyes, but the hug she shared with him carried much more meaning to both then simply picking out an outfit.

'Just do that.'


	34. Chapter 33 And Me

Hya everyone THANK YOU ALL so so much for your feedback, I promise to reply to you all if you have private message enabled. Sorry you have had to wait for an update, real life is so busy at the moment so I truly am sorry updates are taking longer!

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Gem x

And Me…

The drive to his mother's house was eerily quiet, he could have been fooled into believing no one was actually in the car with him, but the pale, shaking hand currently gripped to his thigh quickly reminded him that she was in fact sitting next to him. As he pulled to a stop in the busy highway traffic he traced his fingers over the back of her hand and breathed a sigh of relief as she turned her hand and linked her fingers with his, a small smile falling over her lips as she turned to face him.

His heart had broken for her last night. Never in his wildest dreams had he anticipated creeping into her room and witnessing her break down. She was strong and resilient and had never, until now seemed to let anything get her down. But as he had wrapped her in his arms on her bedroom floor hours earlier he had realised that much of what he had been privy to in the past was in fact an act and he admired her more so for the way she had managed to hold herself together for so long.

He had promised himself, and her, that she didn't need to go through any of this alone. He had no idea how she had managed to keep it a secret for so long, it was simply a matter of months with him, so that made it slightly easier to understand, but her friends and colleagues in the hospital who all knew personally or knew of Ellis Grey had so quickly accepted the story of her travelling without even questioning why she never visited that he couldn't help but fear there was yet more to the story of her mother than she so far had shared. For Meredith to never mention her…not even in passing had to mean something. He had questions, lots in fact, but he now knew better than to push her. She had seemed genuine last night when she had promised to let him in, and he had to believe that it would only be a matter of time before she shared more her past with him.

He had quickly done as she had asked last night and routed through the pile of clothes that adorned the bedroom carpet to pick her out an outfit for lunch, and he couldn't help but smile as he thought back to her reaction of his choice.

_[I] Jeans! Derek, I know you are helping, and I appreciate it, I really do…but jeans! This is your mother Derek!'_

'_I am aware of that Meredith, but what were you expecting me to pick out? A cocktail dress and fishnets?'_

'_You'd be lucky to find a cocktail dress in there!'_

'_Not denying the fish nets though,' he smirked, Meredith flinging a pillow in his direction as he relaxed at the sound of her laughter. 'Why would I want you to pretend to be someone you are not? My mother has met you, and loved you from the moment she saw you, so please stop worrying…with everything else you are dealing with this needs to be one less thing to worry about. My mum saw something within you, she knew you were perfect for me…you are perfect for me.'_

'_Jeans though? Lunch with the Shepherds means Jeans? Isn't it all floaty skirts and floral dresses, flowers in your hair?'_

'_It's not a wedding Mer, it happens regularly, we are a family who lunch, however we are certainly not royalty so you can relax. I'm wearing jeans Mer, with a button down and sweater; it's just my mother's house. Everyone will be smart yet casual, and jeans are perfect.'_

'_I destroyed my room…for jeans…you're sure?'_

'_I wouldn't lead you into a situation you already feel uncomfortable in by prescribing fancy dress Mer. Just jeans…please…and the lavender shirt you look so cute in, that will be perfect.'_

'_Perfect?'_

'_Yes.' [/I]_

'You ok over there?' he quizzed as the traffic slowly started moving again, and the murmur of the engine roared back into life.

'I will be.' She sighed as she rested her head on the pane of glass to the side of her head, the coolness helping to calm her slightly damp, clammy forehead.

'You really do have nothing to worry about, you will be begging me to stay later, you will enjoy this, I promise you.' He half joked as he tried to ease her fears.

'I enjoy surgery.' She huffed, but with a little light heartedness in her voice, desperate to try and calm herself…or allow Derek too.

'But today you don't cut, you have this, and tomorrow you can cut and rock the surgery world…but today you have my family, and you can rock this too'

'I don't do family though! Mothers hate me; I'm not the kind of girls mothers like.'

'My mother adores you; I wish you would believe it. Who was it freaking out the other night when you arrived and they were all there? You were the calm and collected one, you talked sense into [I] me [/I].'

'It's just a lot, after last night, and…my own mother being so…just everything is a mess right now, it really is a lot. I'm dark and twisty, and have no idea how to be around families Derek…'

'I know there is still so much more you need to say Meredith, and I promise you I won't push or put pressure on you, and I'm pretty certain this reaction isn't just linked to lunch with my family, but whenever you are ready I am here to talk to. I meant what I said last night, it doesn't matter how long it takes to open up, I am going nowhere, no matter how dark and twisty you think you are I can't help but disagree, when I look at you my whole world stops and I have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. You complete me Meredith Grey, you bring out the best in me…you make me feel like person I've always meant to be, you are not dark and twisty, I promise you…beautiful and flexible would be more suitable!'

'Derek!'

'What?'

'Cheesy…and porny…and…nice…urm…thanks…just thanks.'

'Did you just accept a compliment?'

'A backwards one maybe!'

'Backwards…one of your most flexible positions!'

'Derek!' she giggled, relief flooding through him from the end of his fingers to the tips of his toes as he witnessed her tensed shoulders physically relax beside him, and the grip on his thigh change more from fear to understanding.

Loud.

That was the only adjective Meredith could use as she stepped out of the car and started a slow and steady walk up the drive. Derek's family home was beautiful, it was everything a traditional family home should be, from the flowers lining the drive way, to the baskets framing the door, everything was perfect…it was so…shepherdy!

There was music, and laughter…and she was pretty sure she could hear a dog or two barking away if she listened carefully enough as the noises swept through the air.

As her feet pounded the paved floor she relaxed as Derek slipped his hand inside hers, 'you ok?'

'Honestly? I don't know!'

'You got this, I promise.' He smiled bending down slightly to press a soft delicate kiss to her lips, a move she instinctively deepened, desperate to feel him close for a moment before his family engulfed the pair.

'Uncle Dewik…eeeeewwww….!' a little voice called from the now open door way, followed by a small escaping giggle.

'Come away from the door Libby, let Uncle Derek and Meredith come in…oh…children guys! Save that for later!' Nancy laughed as she picked her daughter up, her eyes fixed on Meredith.

'Who dat?' she asked as she pointed at a now blushing Meredith, who grabbed for Derek's hand as he took a steady walk forwards.

'That's your uncle Derek's' girlfriend Lib, its Meredith, say hi!' Nancy smiled over at Meredith, eager to put her at ease as she witnessed her brothers partner tense up as they drew closer.

Libby struggled free from her mother's grasp and ran at her uncle and Meredith, raising her hands up to an unsuspecting Meredith as if to be held.

'Oh…I…'

'Go ahead Mer she doesn't bite, right Lib?' Derek laughed, winking at Libby as he did so.

'I not a croceeediyul' she giggled as she stretched up again eager to be picked up by Meredith. Derek placed his hand on the small of her back eager to encourage her and reassure her, his slight touch giving her the courage to respond to the adorable little girl before her.

Meredith leant down and swept her up into her arms, and felt a tear flood to her eyes as Libby threw her arms around her.

'Hi Mewdith, I Libby.'

'Hi Libby, it's nice to meet you, and how old are you

Libby held up two fingers to Meredith but then added 'happy birfday for Libby den me fwee.'

'Is it nearly your birthday? You're a lucky girl, I bet your Uncle Derek will spoil you!'

Libby smiled with excitement over at her Uncle, but kept tight hold around Meredith's neck.

'Princess Libby is three next month, Nancy usually goes all out for parties and celebrations', we should make sure we are off! Hey Lib you got any cuddles in there for your favourite uncle?'

'Mewdith carry in?'

'I think you have a friend for life there Mer. I've been ditched!' he smiled as he watched his niece remain fixed in Meredith's arms.

Nancy led the way as Derek, Libby and Meredith followed and as Meredith smiled down at Libby she couldn't help but be grateful to Derek's beautiful niece for helping her to forget her fears and making entering this picture postcard just a little bit more bareable.

'Derek, Meredith is that you?' the familiar voice of Carolyn called from another room.

'Sure is Ma, where are you?' Derek replied as he placed an arm around the back of meredith and moved her slightly into the hall way.

'And Lib Grammy, and Lib!' Libby giggled as she played with Meredith's hair, before burrowing her way into her neck. 'Mewdith smell nice.' She sighed as she rested her head against her shoulder.

'I see you've met Libby.' Carolyn smiled as she entered the hall way, Derek pressing a kiss to her cheek as she passed before she wrapped her arms around Meredith as best as she could with Libby in her arms. 'It's lovely to see you again Meredith.'

'And you Mrs Shepherd, Dinner smells amazing.'

'Carolyn pleases…or…mom…when you are ready…you could call me mom.'

'Oh…I mean…that's so…'

'How about you and I give Meredith a tour of Grammys house Lib?' Derek cut his mother off, he wasn't sure how Meredith would react to such a suggestion, but with her own emotions heightened regarding her Mother he thought it was best to stop that suggestion before it began.

'Oh Derek the tour can wait surely, you just got here. Head out the back, everyone is out there.'

'You ok with that Mer?'

'I guess…I mean yeah…we came for lunch and it would be pretty rude of me to stay in the hall way whilst you all eat, and besides I'm starving, actually starving, and that smells good, really good.'

'Breathe Mer!' he laughed as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head before encouraging Libby to get down and lead the way.

'Dis way Mewdith, come on.' She shouted as she grabbed Meredith by the hand and began running steadily through the house with Meredith and a bemused Derek following close behind.

'Mewdith dis way, did way Mewdith, did way.' Libby sung to herself.

'Hey everyone.' Derek called as they walked into the garden. Meredith allowing her eyes to scan the area, grateful when they fell on a smiling Amelia.

'Hey Meredith, Derek, great you could make it. It's good to see you again Meredith.'

'Oh...thanks…and you too, '

Derek pulled his sister into a hug as he watched Nancy do the same to Meredith, his own heart strings pulling as he thanked his lucky stars he had such a loving and accepting family. 'Is she ok?' Amelia whispered, 'she looks kind of freaked out!'

'She is…or she will be, it's just a lot…'

'I thought she was the strong one and you did the freaking out where our family were concerned?'

'Apparently not, she doesn't have much experience with families, just be nice ok?'

'I wouldn't be anything else! She keeps you in check, she is by far my favourite of all the in-laws!'

'Come on Mer, there is a Shepherd sister you still need to meet, Kathleen is around here somewhere.' Amelia smiled as she set off to walk up the garden.

'Kathleen's the therapist right?' she faltered nervously as she set off with Amelia.

'Yeah, but relax Mer, she is off duty, she doesn't mix family and work so don't be thinking she will be trying to read you.' Amelia promised as she hooked her arm in with Meredith's and led her further back in the garden towards two men, and a woman she assumed was Kathleen.

'Kath, this is Meredith, Meredith this is Kathleen.' Amelia said as she stood alongside her older sister.

'Meredith, hey, it's great to finally meet you, I was beginning to feel left out.'

'Hi…hi, it's nice to meet you too.'

'I've heard so much about you, it's great to finally but a face to the name,'

'And you, Derek talks about you all a lot,'

'This is Matt my husband, and Peter Nancy's husband and I see from your entrance you already met Libby. There are quite a few kids to get used to but I'm sure you will learn all their names in time. My boys over there are Kevin and Philip, twins, and the girl Libby is now jumping all over is Carly my eldest. Plus there is the baby Pippa inside too, she's sleeping at the moment after keeping me awake all night!'

'Four! You must be busy!'

'Busy is an understatement' Kathleen laughed as she began to walk back towards the others with Meredith and Amelia.

'Nancy has four too, and is about to start her residency, she had some time off to be a mother first, but all the kids are in school now so she is ready to begin!'

'Wow, I have no idea how she is going to manage, I just about manage to look after myself never mind four kids!'

'Peter works from home a lot, he is his own boss so he can pick the kids up, or mom or one of us if we are around, one thing you will quickly learn about the Shepherds is how much we help one another out. We are close…ever since dad…he wouldn't want us at war!'

'I didn't even think families like this existed.' Meredith sighed as she stood alongside Derek, her hand quickly finding his.

'You ok?'

'Yeah…your family, they are like a hallmark card or something.'

'Don't believe everything you see on the surface Mer, we have our faults.'

'You make my upbringing look like a scene from nightmare on Elm Street, actually that's probably too accurate a description!' she whispered as her grip tightened just a little on his and he felt her physically shake in his hand.

'Hey, nothing about your life is nightmarish! I know there is so much I don't know, but I do know this… You are still here and still standing, you amaze me, you have dealt with so much, yet you still hold your head high… you might think you're a nightmare Mer, but I promise you, you're my dream come true!'

'Cheesy Derek!' she laughed as she slapped him on the arm!

'True though!'

'You're lucky your sisters didn't hear that, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let you forget that for a while!'

'I don't care who hears, I'd shout it from the rooftop if I thought you would let me!'

'Don't!'

'I won't Mer, relax, I won't! You're doing great!'

'I'm trying!'

'Meredith dear, could you help me in the kitchen a second?' Carolyn called form the doorway as she scanned the garden for one of her daughters, but found Meredith closest to the door.

'Urm...I can't…kitchens and me we don't mix…I have no idea how to…' Meredith stumbled over her words, a new kind of fear now written over her face.

'Mom, I can help.' Derek pointed out as he stepped up towards the backdoor, understanding Meredith's apprehension instantly…and also eager to keep his family home in one piece!

'Derek Shepherd you stay there, I don't wish for your help, or you taking over my kitchen with your airs and graces…Meredith?'

'I really don't cook Carolyn...ever…not since the burnt kitchen and the fire and the smoke…'

'Relax dear, I know all about your accident with the grilled cheese, and for now I am happy for my kitchen to remain intact, however I may just have to make it my mission to teach you a few basics in the future, but for now…juice? I'm assuming you can run the tap and add some juice to water?' she laughed as she stepped aside and motioned for Meredith to follow.

'Drinks? I can definitely do drinks!'

'No lacing them with tequila Mer!' Derek whispered

'Derek!'

'Just saying!'

'well don't!' she laughed 'they will think I have a problem!' she groaned as she moved inside and left Derek to spend some time with his siblings as she met Carolyn in the kitchen.

'I'm glad you could come today Meredith, I've been wanting to invite you for a few weeks now, but I know it must be daunting walking into this.'

'I'd be lying if I said I was ok, but your family are so lovely and so welcoming, I'm definitely feeling better than I was this morning…and last night.'

'Oh Meredith, never be nervous about coming into my house, you are as welcome here as my own flesh and blood, you are welcome to join us whenever you are free, even if Derek is in work then there is no reason for you not to come. I think of you as one of my own already I really do.'

'I...wow…I have no idea how to respond to that, I'm not meaning to be rude but I have never had anyone who thought like that about me.'

'You have your own family Meredith.'

'Oh...yeah…I guess…but honestly…Derek, and my friends, they are my family… they are who they have Derek, and them.'

'And me Meredith, you will always have me.'

'Oh...and you…family…' she whispered, wiping a tear from her eye as a result of the older lady's generosity, Carolyn responded at once and engulfed her in her arms, 'when I explained to you about the thump factor meredith, and how I believed you had feelings for my son, like I did for my own husband, it wasn't only Derek who wanted you in his life. I did too, I could see behind those beautiful eyes of yours how special and loving you are, you are a welcome addition to any family Meredith, but I am so grateful that you are in mine.'

Meredith sobbed, unexpectedly in Carolyn's arms, and when Derek arrived in the kitchen a few moments later he couldn't help but fear that the love of his life had fallen apart at the words of his mother.

'Ma...Mer…what did you say?' he asked his mother as he closed the gap between the pair, urgency and worry in his voice.

'Relax Derek, I didn't say anything bad, what do you take me for. I was just welcoming Meredith into our family, it's where she belongs.'

'Oh...Ma...thanksyou. Thank you so much. Mer, you ok?'

'Yeah...I will be...wow! This is just…I'm ok…I'm ok.' She smiled as she pulled out of Carolyn's grasp slightly, her glazed eyes meeting his and reflecting more love than he had ever seen.

Derek took her face in his hands, and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in tight.

There bodies fitted together so perfectly as one, and as their hearts beat against each other he was pretty certain the thumps were in unison.

She belonged in his family…and he knew one day that she would be an official Shepherd in name and in hearts.


	35. Chapter 34 clinical trial

Chapter 34 Clinical trial

Derek sat in Mark's office, glancing at the clock as the minute hand continued to move painfully slowly around. Mark had been and gone some twenty minutes, but as of yet Derek still hadn't moved. He was just left in limbo…waiting… but for what he wasn't quite sure. The longer he waited the more he doubted himself for what he had just done. He knew what he had done was wrong, and likely to upset Meredith, but at this moment in time he wasn't sure how else to help her face what was happening to her Mother. People often do irrational things when they are worried and scared for the person they love…she had to understand that…she had to.

He had spoken to Mark as a friend, and as a brother. He hadn't shared too much information with him, and he sure as hell hadn't used Meredith's name. Instead he had used a work colleague from the station…as if he were asking advice for a fellow fire fighter who had concerns over a parent's health. He had kept his emotions in check, and put on a pretty brave front to the man who could read him better than anyone at times, and he was pretty sure Mark had no reason to suspect that their conversation lead back to Meredith. When the idea had first come to him he had known it was important to keep Meredith's anonymity throughout the process…for as long as was deemed possible at least. She had confided in him and he wasn't about to throw that trust back in her face, besides he still didn't know if what he was thinking was entirely possible…nobody needed to know anything until the very last minute if he could get Meredith to agree…he just had to get her to agree.

She had clammed up once again after the Shepherd lunch. She had, of course, enjoyed spending time with his mother, his siblings and their families, and she had fitted into the space beside him perfectly, as if she was born to be a Shepherd. Her earlier nerves had been extinguished and she had quickly adapted to being one of many adults in the Shepherd clan, she had found it quite liberating to not have the attention solely on herself, there were so many Shepherds to go around that attention was continuously shifting, and she had responded well to that. It hadn't been the Meredith Grey show like she had initially feared…instead the channel had continuously changed for a sister, to a child, to dinner…to the pet dog.. But since that day it was as if she had inverted again, not bringing up her own mother into conversation or sharing any of the thousands of things that were clearly ricocheting around her mind. He felt almost guilty for showing her what family life could be like, and he couldn't help but fear that he had in fact highlighted to Meredith all that she had missed out on…it was as if he had made things worse, and this was the only way he could currently come up with to fix it.

He just hoped that in helping hr he wouldn't push her away from the family, love and support that she needed, and deserved.

He wanted to help, to ease her pain…she was like a stuck record with her 'I'm fine' chorusing out every time he had slightly pushed her to let him in some more, but now, as he waited he convinced himself that what he had done in talking to Mark could in fact end up blowing back up in his face, and the thought of losing Meredith petrified him completely…but if he didn't act soon he couldn't help but sense that she would drift away anyway…it was a double edge sword and perhaps a risk he just had to take.

He rose slowly from the couch, pushed his hands into his pockets, and prayed that as tough as this may get…it would be ok in the end…she had to let him in…she had to want to share her worries and her fears…he wanted to be that person for Meredith, forever.

Meredith was exhausted. That was all she could think of as she sat herself down on the couch in the residents lounge. After getting paged in the middle of the night, and assisting on an ER trauma before rounds she glanced at the clock and her heart sank as she realised just how much longer she had to work today. She allowed herself to stretch out on the cushions a moment, her back muscles crying out for rest as she hoped she wasn't coming down with something. She just needed to close her eyes for a moment.

'Grey!'

'Wh…wh…sorry.'

'How long have you been sleeping there Grey?' the familiar bellows of Dr Bailey filled the empty lounge and seemed to echo off every surface.

'I…I just closed my eyes for a second.' Meredith coughed, her lungs burning as she battled a second cough straight after.

'How long have you been here?' Dr Bailey repeated as she cast a worrying eye over Meredith's exhausted frame.

'I was paged in the middle of the night, but now I have rounds…and meds…and…oh…' she moaned as she rose to stand from the couch, her body screaming out in agony as if an elephant had taken out its anger on her muscles!

'Are you sick?'

'What? No...I can't be…too much to do…' she stuttered as a second wave of thunderous coughs shook through her system.

'This is your lucky day Grey. The chief has imposed a new limit on residents and interns who work extended hours. You've reached your limit! So go home, rest up…and get some medicine down your neck before you end up needing more than a few hours off.' Dr Bailey stated, a look of genuine concern etched on her face.

'A limit? Seriously?'

'Seriously, personally I think the man is crazy and he is going to run this place into the ground sending perfectly healthy doctors home every time an alarm bell beeps in his office or something…but on this occasion I support his idea completely,. You are sick…or you are starting to be…so go…rest…sleep…come back tomorrow with a smile on your face.'

'So I can go?'

'Go! Before I change my mind and send you to do scut in the pit.'

Meredith gathered her belongings up and headed out wearily to the elevator, as the doors opened she was pleasantly surprised at who she found behind them.

'Hi' the familiar voice of the man she loved whispered from the now empty elevator, all previous travellers having disembarked at the surgical floor.

'Hi' she smiled as she stepped inside and moved beside Derek.

'You're leaving?' he questioned as the last he had heard she wouldn't be free until gone 6 that night.

'80 hour limit, plus I'm sick, you?' she stuttered as she felt the now familiar tickle brush her throat as she tried to stifle the cough.

'Lunch with Mark but he got called into surgery. You're sick?' he asked as he closed the gap and ran his fingers through the stray strands of her hair that had escaped from her pony tail.

'It's just a cold, I'll live…nothing a few hours sleep won't fix….and …a dog!' she smiled as she stepped back a little to give herself room to cough away from Derek.

'You want a dog? Is this a new prescription I haven't heard of…dog's cure colds?' he laughed, before running his hand over her back to soothe her pain as she coughed once again.

'My point is I want a dog,' she whispered as she leant back on the wall of the elevator, shocked by how sick she suddenly felt.

'You know what I love dogs,' he smiled as he leant beside her, lifting his hand up slightly to check her temperature, shocking himself at how warm she felt to touch.

'You do? Don't give me that look if you think it's a crazy idea because I seriously want a dog.'

'What look? I wasn't doing any look, your hot Mer… in more ways than one, but right now you are burning up, it wasn't a look…it was concern, you're sick.' He added, once again glancing over to her in an oh so familiar way.

'That look! Our look…meeting Libby and the others made me think…not about children because I'm not sure I will ever be ready to think about that, I'm definitely not ready for that….but a dog…I could love a dog…'

'Do you even know how to look after a dog; you couldn't feed yourself if I didn't cook for you.' He joked as he wrapped his arms around her, and rested her head against his chest.

'Shut up!' she gasped as she pulled away a little, pretending to hit him in disgust. 'There are tins, and bones…and pizza…my dog would love pizza!'

'You can't feed a dog pizza Meredith.'

'Said who?'

'Me? And I'm pretty sure every veterinarian in the country! Scrap that…the world!'

'And who made you the dog whisperer!'

'You really want a dog?'

'I do.'

'Then ok, let's do it! I'm sure we can work something around our shifts, and my mom would probably take care of it when we both had to work, there is a lot of land at the trailer, it's actually a perfect for a dog.'

'You really don't think I'm crazy?'

'No Meredith I don't think you're crazy…it's a nice idea…let's do it….lets get a dog!'

'We? My dog…you can borrow him or whatever!'

'Our dog!'

'Fine! He can be our dog when he needs his poop picking up after him, or feeding…or cleaning. You can definitely have him when he needs cleaning!

'Deal! We are getting a dog!'

'We are! So you're leaving, I'm leaving…you wanna leave together?' she smirked as she laced her fingers with his as the elevator door pinged open.

'Oh…I can't…I'm sorry…when Mark cancelled I called the station…extra shift…I thought you were working….but tonight? Dinner and a movie?'

'Dinner and a movie sounds perfect…and names…we need a name for our dog.'

'It helps to choose the dog first Mer, give him a name that suits.'

'No harm in thinking about it though' she giggled as she pressed a delicate kiss to his cheek before once again allowing her rib cage to rattle as a cough took over her.

'About 8? That gives you plenty of time to sleep first Meredith. You should definitely sleep.'

'I will, or at least I will try…see you tonight.'

'Can't wait…love you.'

'Love you too.

Meredith had meant to sleep; she had gone straight home, taken some Tynoll and collapsed into bed with the full intention of resting up ready to see Derek later that night. But no matter how hard she tried to drift off her body fought her every step of the way. Almost an hour later she decided the attempt was futile and decided to face up to a visit with her mother instead, after all she already felt dreadful…how much worse could it be?

'Meredith…Hi' Paula the facility manager greeted her as she walked in through the door and into the entrance hall.

'Hi. I had the morning off so I thought I would come and see how my mother's doing?' Meredith explained because this wasn't the normal time that she would normally manage to get away, she would usually be working, or sleeping!

'Oh she's fine; she's in the sitting room.'

'Thanks'

'She's in good spirits, visitors really cheer her up.' Paula offered before heading off in another direction leaving a very puzzled Meredith rooted to the spot.

'Visitors?' Her words washed away, and the breath caught in the back of her throat in shock at the sight before her.

Derek came out of the sitting room, smiling, oblivious to her presence as he helped himself to more coffee from the machine that rested in the hall before he set back off in to the room.

'What are you doing here?' she called, unaware of where her voice had come from as she watched Derek freeze in the doorway, his shoulders sinking in fear at the realisation of being caught out.

He turned slowly, anguish on his face as he closed the gap between them, eager to repair whatever damage he had already done.

'What are you doing here?' Meredith repeated, her hand flying to her hip in anger as she demanded an answer, but failing to mask the pool of tears that had quickly, and understandably raced to the surface.

'There is a clinical trial.' He began slowly, his voice shaking with nerves as he instantly regretted pushing his luck and doing this behind her back 'it's to see the progression of early onset Alzheimer's, I researched it he stuttered desperate for any kind of response that would ease his fears that his actions may just have ruined the best thing to ever happen to him.

'Ok me you can screw with, if you need to…but my mother, no, not acceptable.'

'Look there has been some really promising results from similar studies in Europe, your mother is a prime candidate, I spoke to Mark, it would be easy to get her added on.'

'You spoke to Mark about my mother? After I specifically told you no one knew? You went behind my back and did that?' she cried, her hands running through her hair as she turned her back on him a second, eager to not let him see the damage he was doing.

'Hypothetically I spoke to Mark yes, about the Chief Lieutenants mother…Mark doesn't have a clue I meant you. I would never have gone to him and told him it was you who needed help for your mother…never you have to believe that Mer.' He whispered as he moved closer and ran his hands down her arms, his heart breaking as she flinched from his touch and moved herself further away from him

'My mother is very sick, and has very few good days, and I don't want her poked and prodded for some experimental programme just so you can be the hero in all of this.'

'I'm just trying to help. I'm not trying to be hero. I love you Meredith. You don't have to go through any of this on your own. A problem shared…I can help you…let me help you.'

'You see this, what you're doing, being dreamy, it doesn't help, it hurts me. It messes with my head. I only just told you about her and now you are trying to swoop in her and fix it, just like that. I have been dealing with this by myself for a long time. I'm ok. I don't need your help…I don't need you to interfere. You put fires out and rescue cats from trees, you're not a surgeon or a brain specialist…you have a perfect family you have no idea what this is like for me, you don't get to decide on a course of treatment without even speaking to me first.'

'I didn't mean it to get this far, I wanted some facts to bring to you. I wanted to share some options with you, and I admit the way I went around it was wrong…I just didn't know what else to do.'

'Try talking to me Derek, instead of this…anything but this.'

'Talking wasn't exactly going well, ever since lunch the other day you have built the Berlin Wall up again around yourself, the slightest mention of your mother left you on edge. I did what I thought was best. I see now that it wasn't the best way to deal with things. But I want to help you get through this. You deserve to have someone.' He stated; panic evident in his voice as he feared once again that his actions had been one step too far, he tentatively took a step forwards, eager to feel her in his arms. 'Meredith please.' He begged as he reached out his hand and placed it on her forearm. She allowed it to sit there just a split second longer than she had meant to before she pulled her arm away and fled the Nursing home leaving him frozen with fear for what he had just done.


	36. Chapter 35 for me

Chapter 35 for me

Meredith had fled the Nursing Home quicker than an Olympic athlete. She couldn't remember a time she had ever been so angry. How dare he go over head and decide what was best for her mother without even speaking to her first. What gave him the right to even think that a clinical trial was the best course of action in her fight with the disease? Clinical trials were untested, rats may have survived prodding and poking in labs but that didn't mean that people would…clinical trials could be death sentences for those participants willing to take the risk…yes there were times when medical miracles happened and new breakthroughs occurred, but there were other times, when medicine cocktails went wrong, and tablets were too strong… no matter which angle she looked at this she just couldn't forgive him. He really did have no right to even mention her mother's name never mind this!

As she sat behind the wheel of the car she didn't think twice about starting the engine and pulling out of there, the quicker she got far away from him the better, she didn't want him catching up with her or following her. As she crunched the car into first gear and pulled away she cast a teary eye back in her rear-view mirror just long enough to see a desperate Derek run out of the door and into the parking lot, eager to stop her and grab her attention. Even as she moved away she could see the devastation written across his face and make out the red rims that now surrounded his eyes…but even so she couldn't stop, she couldn't be around him.

She needed space.

She drove for what felt like an eternity before she realised she had no idea where she was heading. She couldn't go home because that was likely to be the first place he looked…or the one place he waited, she couldn't go to the trailer and she definitely couldn't head back to the hospital because not only would Bailey kick her arse for being out of bed but Mark would more than likely put a call in to Derek identifying exactly where she was and he would be stalking the corridors before she knew it.

As the traffic began to slow a little she allowed herself the opportunity to glance out of the window, something about the area seemed familiar, yet right in that instant she had no idea why. It was like she had been here recently, but she couldn't for the life of her think when it was. She had driven across the city to an area of town she never had much call to visit, yet it all seemed so familiar. The streets were lined with trees and flowers, gardens were well kept and the people walking along the sidewalk seemed happy and content.

The traffic seemed to be coming to a complete standstill so instead of waiting it out in line with the other commuters she made the decision to take a right and find her way through the winding streets of the community. As she drove silently on her attention was alerted to the sound of her cell phone ringing in her bag. Even though she knew who it probably was she pulled into the side of the road and fished around in her bag until her fingers clenched around her phone. It could be Cristina, or the home…or…Derek.

His name and picture flashed across the screen as the ringing tone vibrated around the car, the inside of the vehicle seemed to intensify the noise as the phone continued to ring and ring remaining unanswered as meredith simply started the engine again and set back off, leaving Derek's plea's unanswered as the cell rang again and again.

As she turned left at the next junction the area once again began to show familiarity to her and it slowly dawned on her why she seemed to recognise where she was…lunch with the Shepherds…this was his mothers neighbourhood, she hadn't seen much on the drive there after getting herself upset and knotted up with fear, but after the lunch on the drive home she remembered taking in how beautiful a neighbourhood it was, how perfect the houses looked…how everything looked so homely.

Somehow, out of all the streets and neighbourhoods in Seattle she had managed to drive straight into the area he grew up…how ironic. As eager as she was to avoid him she had ended up in one of the places that meant so much to him.

As she continued through the streets she noticed a small coffee shop to the left that looked perfect to sit back and relax in for a little while, there was barely anyone inside so she could sort her thoughts without fear of being interrupted. She quickly found a parking space, fed the metre and walked inside.

Relief washed over her as she ordered her coffee and sank down into a comfortable arm chair in the window, eager to watch the world go by for a little while instead of worrying about her own…she just needed a few moments to forget her mother…Derek…clinical trials.

As she rested her head back on the soft cushioned chair she was unable to stop the tears flowing, her anger quickly turning to hurt as she tried to imagine the situations her mother could be placed in…possibly for nothing. She sighed as she thought back to the pre Alzheimer's days…things hadn't really changed, her mother was still as absent albeit for different reasons, she once again had to hear how she had never wanted a daughter…it wasn't just her mother who was affected by all of this… as her mother remained trapped in the past Meredith had to endure once again all of the reasons Ellis could list as to why she should never be a mother, and how her own daughter was an inconvenience in her life…and even worse how she was unable of loving anyone but herself.

Meredith had grown up listening to Ellis belittle her and now she was reliving that all over again, and if possible it hurt even more the second time around…as it was obvious she meant it.

'Meredith?' a familiar voice soothed as a shadow cast over the table.

Meredith looked up, her eyes rimmed with red, the whites of her eyes pink with fear and exhaustion, and her cheeks stained with tears of hurt, anger and pain. 'M…Mrs…Shepherd?'

'Carolyn, oh Dear, whatever is the matter? What did my idiot of a son do?'

'Did he send you here? To fix me? To pick up the pieces?' Meredith sobbed as the older women pulled up a chair and moved herself in closer to Meredith.

'Meredith dear I haven't spoken to Derek for three days, I have no idea where he is, or what bought you to my neighbourhood…but what I do know is that you are not alright and you look like you need this right now.' She stated as she leant forward and pulled Meredith into a hug. Meredith remained frozen at first before allowing herself to respond to the warm embrace of Derek's mom.

'I'm guessing this has something to do with that son of mine?'

Meredith nodded gently, easing herself back slightly from her grasp as she reached out for her coffee, her hands shaking so much that Carolyn had to steady her to stop her from scalding herself with the liquid.

'You're here?' she whispered as she felt the bitter taste of the coffee flood her system, warming her from the inside out.

'By complete chance, I had to drop some cookies off into the Twins school for a cake sale later today and decided it best to walk back in the sunshine than sit on the bus. I just happened to glance through the glass as I passed when I saw you obviously upset. I couldn't just walk past, family don't walk away from the people they love.'

'Oh...you…love…'

'I love you Meredith Yes, like one of my own…now please, I don't know why you chose this coffee shop, but I believe in fate so I believe someone brought you here to me…a problem shared is a problem solved.'

'Oh…that's…that's what Derek said…but I...I didn't even give him chance to…oh…' she cried and coughed simultaneously as her lungs vibrated across her ribcage.

'Take a deep breath Meredith, and start at the beginning, it might just help.'

Meredith laced her fingers together and began to draw circles around each wrist in turn as her gaze remained fixed on the sugar bowl on the table as she tried to avoid Carolyn's gaze before another almighty cough took control of her and left Meredith panting for air.

'That doesn't sound too good to me, let me get you something.' Carolyn smiled as she stood up, spoke to the girl behind the counter and returned a few minutes later with a steaming hot mug of hot water.

'Hot water with honey and lemon, my Grandmother swore by the mixture, and it helped every one of the children growing up…and I think it might help more right now than the coffee.' She stated as she slid the mug over towards and Meredith.

'Th...Thanks.' she whispered as she pushed her coffee mug across the table and wrapped her hands around the new mug.

'Wait a few minutes, let it cool Meredith. Whatever it is you can talk to me.'

Meredith waited a few moments, but without thinking she began to talk. She wasn't sure where her voice had come from but before she knew it she was confiding in Carolyn and telling her the same information she had shared with Derek…she was letting her family in, but preying Carolyn wouldn't follow suit and then share her secrets with someone else.

'My...my… mother…has…she…'

'Slowly Meredith, take your time.'

'She is very sick, Alzheimer's. She has Alzheimer's and has days when she doesn't even recognise me.' She sobbed as Carolyn moved her chair closer again and took hold of Meredith's hand in her own.

'Oh Meredith…'

'Don't feel sorry for me…please…I don't deserve pity. I don't deserve to be loved…'

'Meredith stop, don't ever say that or think that. Everyone on this earth deserves to be loved and to love…everyone.'

'Not according to my mother. People like me don't deserve that; we are a burden and a hindrance and get in the way of very important surgeries.'

'She told you that? Your mother actually said that to you?'

'She did, not once…not just all those years ago, but recently too.'

'She told you that as a child?'

'A child, a teenager, an adult…she keeps telling me that.'

'Oh Meredith, no one deserves to hear such things, especially when they are not true. A daughter…any child is a joy and a blessing; don't let anyone ever persuade you otherwise.'

'It's pretty hard to believe when you have spent your entire life hearing it and avoiding love because of it.'

'But you love Derek? And you let him love you.'

'I do. I do love Derek…but loved ones don't go behind your back and share your secrets with others. Loved ones don't make decisions for you or your mother without even discussing them with you first…my mother was right, I don't deserve to be loved. Derek doesn't love me – if he did he would have spoke to me. I'm incapable of love. Derek obviously couldn't deal with my crap on his own that he had to betray me…he betrayed me…'

'I don't know what it is that Derek has done Meredith, but I have to defend him for a moment…until I hear the rest…don't question that he loves you. He loves you more than the world itself. You complete him; you have made him the person he has always wanted to be…you have made him believe in true love. Whatever he has done you can fix this Meredith…the love you two share is a once in a life time feeling and however low you are feeling now I promise you that you won't want to lose him. And I sure as hell know that he would never want to lose you or jepoodise the relationship that you two share.'

'But he has… he has jeapodised everything…'

'I don't understand? Please tell me he hasn't met someone else? Hurt you? My son he would never…'

'No...Derek wouldn't…he wouldn't cheat and he most definitely wouldn't lay a finger on me, he is gentle and kind…he is…amazing really.'

'Then what?'

'It's my mother.'

'Your mother?'

'He…he…he spoke to Mark about my mother. After everything I said to him, how I didn't want the news to spread through the hospital…he spoke to mark. Or should I say that he lied to mark and spoke about 'his boss's mother' but at the end of the day the story he told was mine.'

'Why would Derek talk to Mark?'

'He wants Mark to help get my mother onto a clinical trial. He has decided to have her prodded and poked, and scanned, and injected and goodness knows what else…without even talking to me. He just showed up at the nursing home, gained my mother's trust and expects me to agree?'

'How would Derek even know that such trials existed?'

'He has been researching apparently…searching for an option to help.'

'So he wants to help?'

'Apparently so…but this is not the way to help. By lying to me, and hiding things from me. I shouldn't have to find out that he has visited my mother and spoke to Mark by walking into the home and finding him there for myself.'

'Oh…he was there? I'm sure he means well, I really am, this doesn't sound like the boy I raised, to be so devious?'

'Devious doesn't even come close…its wrong…and…just wrong.'

'I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you Meredith, sometimes Derek is impulsive, he just acts, when he thinks he is right. I'm not excusing him, he shouldn't have gone there without asking you, but if I know my son then he definitely thought he was helping lift a burden from your shoulders or something.'

'He thinks I failed her, he thinks I can't deal with this on my own…my mother was right, I am worth nothing…I can't do anything for myself I shouldn't be loved…'

'Meredith dear, it seems to me you have been doing everything by yourself since you were a young child, and here you are still standing, still a surgeon with an amazing future in front of you, and still capable of love. In spite of everything you have let Derek in. Derek doesn't think you are nothing, it's the exact opposite. He wants to care for you and protect you. It's what people do for the one they love…he may not have been so graceful in showing you…but he wants to be there for you. This is because he loves you…and this love is greater than anything he has ever experienced, which means his protective instincts are heightened like never before. He doesn't think you are useless Meredith; he just wants to be there beside you and help make your life easier. He loves you…'

'This is…I just don't know how to….nobody has ever…' Meredith sobbed as Carolyn's words began to sink in. He loved her…she knew that was true, and she loved him more than she had ever believed possible, but the fact this had all been behind her back was just so confusing.

'When Derek went to the nursing home I guarantee he didn't want to hurt you Meredith. He didn't want to push you away. Somewhere in his confusion he was probably hoping that by meeting your mother and researching the trial first he was getting all of the facts and information he needed before coming to you, He probably thought that if he had a collective argument for why your mother was a suitable candidate for the trial then you would listen to him. '

'You really think that?'

'I do Meredith, I know my son, he isn't the type of person to set out and hurt people. That isn't him…and deep down I think you know that too.'

'I do, I do know that.'

'Then hear him out, please? Give him a chance to speak to you and explain his actions. Don't hate him. How he handled this was wrong I agree but his intentions were entirely honourable. If I know my son then he is hurting right now, kicking himself for how he went about all of this, you think you're mad at him now? It will be nothing compared to how mad he is at himself I promise you that.'

'I didn't mean to upset him.'

'He will understand. You had every right to be upset, he thought he was helping you but his actions led to you running from him in anger. You still love him I hope?'

'I do…always.'

'I think my son needs to hear that. Because right now I'm guessing he thinks he has ruined his future. You are it for him Meredith. The love and affection the pair of you have built so quickly is like a fairy tale. I'm pretty sure Derek feels like the bad guy right now…but he isn't….Derek isn't a bad guy.'

'He really isn't…he is my knight in shining whatever!'

'Exactly.'

'Derek wants to be with you every step of the way. He wants to know everything about you and hold your hand when things get hard…let him Meredith…let us all. I love you like one of my own. You don't have to deal with any of this by yourself…the world is a lonely place if you struggle on alone. You're not alone anymore. I can visit your mother with you, I can bake her cakes or cookies and I can certainly remind you that her words aren't true when things get bad. We are your family Meredith…you deserve to have a family. This is what families do, they support and look for solutions to help their loved ones pain…Derek just wants to make everything ok Meredith, the thought of you suffering breaks his heart…it's all because he loves you.'

Meredith sat propped upon her pillows on her bed thinking about how the day had played out. She knew Carolyn was right. Deep down she had known it all along but her anger and hurt had over ruled her for a little while. Carolyn had helped but everything into perspective, she really was a remarkable women and she couldn't help but wonder what life would be like growing up in a family of love.

She had to remember that she had that now. Derek loved her. His intentions had been good and from the heart, it was simply the order he had done things that were a little messed up.

She missed him.

She loved him.

She needed to tell him that.

'Hey.' A familiar voice filled the air, and as she looked up towards her bedroom door she saw his worried form leaning on the door frame. His shoulders were hunched like he had the weight of the world on them, and his eyes were as red as blood – a clear sign he had been crying.

'Hey.' She replied, surprising herself with how shaky her voice sounded. 'Thank you for coming.' She smiled as she patted the space on the bed next to her.

'Thank you for calling.' He whispered as he took a few tentative steps forwards and filled the space on the bed beside her, his hands falling onto his lap, circling his own wrists…desperate to reach out and touch her.

'I love you.' She smiled as she took his hands in hers and laced her fingers along his, soothing his palm with her thumb

'I know.' He whispered, relaxing as he felt the warmth of her skin on his. 'I love you too.'

'Derek?'

'I didn't think you would want to see me.' He sobbed, unable to keep the fear from his voice. 'I'm so sorry Meredith for…'

'I get it…I didn't before, but I do now…you love me. You did this for me?' she interrupted.

'I did…and knowing I hurt you ripped my heart apart.'

'I'm sorry I ran…or drove away. I didn't mean to…I was just so…confused. But your mom helped me iron a few things out!'

'My mom?'

'She is amazing!

'she is.'

'Derek…Tell me about the programme.'


	37. Chapter 36 Needles

Chapter 36 needles

As always thank you for all your kind words and support for the latest updates!

I've reworked this scene a few times and I'm worried if I keep going with it then i will ruin it completely so I am posting it now, I'm its rawness and hoping that it reads ok and you all like it! (esp as I cant make up my mind about it)

i don't own greys...and right now I'm almost happy i don't! besides its only really ellen and patrick i would want to won anyway...and since i have a Patrick Dempsey Robert doll already from enchanted then i think its time Greys marketed their very own Ellen dolls because then i will technically own them both lol

sorry mini ramble!

enjoy!

The gallery was empty aside from Meredith's tiny figure sitting in the centre row, her feet up on the chair in front as she watched Marks surgery in the OR below. Her eyes remained fixed on the Perspex glass before her but she wasn't really taking in any of the procedure Mark was completing…she was simply just waiting for him to be done so she could start the process of including her mom on the clinical trial before she freaked out again and changed her mind.

She had been angry yesterday, to say the least…but Carolyn was right, Derek had meant well in his actions, even if he did go about them the wrong way and when he had shown up at the house she had been incredibly relived to have him back by her side, and her heart had broken just a little bit as she had taken in how upset he was, and if possible she had fallen in love with him even more.

[I]'_ You wanna know?' he whispered as he responded to her touch and linked his fingers with hers._

'_I do.' She nodded as she moved their joined hands towards his chest, placing her free hand over his heart. 'I do because I know I over reacted, and I'm sorry, and I know that in here is a heart of gold and you never meant for things to go this way.'_

'_Cheesy…for you…I really didn't, I promise you Mer I never meant to hurt you.' He smiled, through his glazed eyes, a stray tear falling down his cheek and resting itself there._

'_I know…I knew that at the time too, it was just a lot…you could have spoken to me, you still can. Please…please tell me about the programme.' Meredith encouraged as she freed their hands and ran her thumb across his cheek, drying his tears._

'_I didn't want you going through all of this alone. I thought if I got some information together first and found out if your mother was suitable it would be better than giving you false hope when I didn't really know the facts. I wouldn't to give you the full picture.'_

'_I realise that now…with a little help from your mom. You are lucky, growing up with a mom like you did…my mom was as nurturing as a steak knife and one of the worst things about this Alzheimer's is having to listen to her belittle me all over again, like it wasn't bad enough the first time around! Not to mention the days she doesn't even know who I am anymore and instead shares with me her regrets over ever having a daughter! I know that's selfish and not the point in all of this, but sometimes it's just so hard you know?'_

'_Yeah, I do know…and I don't want you to have to think about any of that alone. If you visit her and its hell I want you to come home and talk to me about it, or if you can't face it by yourself I want to come with you, hold your hand, support you…a problem shared is a problem halved…'_

'_Your mom said that!'_

'_She's a wise woman! And she taught me well' _[/I]

'Why aren't you prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases?' Meredith asked as her attention was drawn to the door as Cristina walked in.

'Well why aren't you prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases? Cristina replied back as she stood against the window and peered down to see what was keeping Meredith from her job!

'No reason.' Meredith murmured not sounding convincing in the slightest

'No reason huh?' Cristina stated, more than aware that her friend was lying as she sat down next to her.

'I'm waiting for McSteamy.' Meredith whispered even though there was no one else in the room to overhear.

'I'm avoiding Owen.' Cristina offered back, feeling it was only fair to share her own reasons since Meredith had shared hers!

'Why are you avoiding Owen?'

'He thinks I moved in with him! Why are you waiting for McSt…?'

'McSteamy is doing me a favour! He thinks you moved in with him? You're moving out?'

'Wait, why are you calling Mark McSteamy…are you sleeping with him?'

'What? No! Derek asked him to help me out with something.'

'Oh is hot fireman not pleased with your rack and he needs McSteamy to see about boosting what little ya mamma gave ya!'

'There is nothing wrong with my rack! Look in the mirror before you call out mine! Besides Derek is more than happy with what I've got!'

'What then? Because all Mark Sloan knows is breast enhancement and Rhinoplasty and as your nose isn't the one in the relationship that needs straightening I can't begin to understand what Mark can possibly help you with?'

'It's my mother…'

[I] _'So how does all of this even work?' Meredith sighed as she continued to listen to Derek explain his findings so far about the trial._

'_First thing they will need is a full family history, so I'm guessing some kind of interview with you to fill them in on what you know, plus tests, they will probably want to take your blood and get a clear picture of who Ellis is before they make a decision on the trial or not.'_

'_Blood? From me? I hate needles!'_

'_How can you hate needles, you're a doctor?'_

'_I like sticking them in other people, doesn't mean I like someone doing it to me in return! How am I even going to get this started without the whole hospital finding out? I don't want pitying, or my mother pitying. The hospital is a gossip paradise!'_

'_That's where we need Mark; he can take your blood and get a rush on the results, or you could ask Cristina to do that if you needed someone else to talk too? You need people Meredith. Then Mark can speak to the clinical trial team and set up the interview. He is just waiting for the nod from me to start making moves.'_

'_I…I don't know…I don't want the world finding out I have been lying to everyone.'_

'_Mark isn't everyone, he's my brother…he's your family…besides we don't even know if she is suitable yet so nobody else would need to know until the results came back anyway, and even then they may have bases in other hospitals in the city, it might not have to be yours.'_

'_So we need to tell Mark that it isn't your boss' mother with the disease.'_

'_We do…he can help get the ball moving on this Meredith, if it's what you want?'_

'_And it could slow down her regression? Give her more good days than bad?'_

'_that's the hope, it's had positive results in Europe, its new and a risk over here, but sometimes risks are worth taking for the people you love.'_

'_Yeah…they are.'_ [/I]

'You didn't do it yet?' Derek gasped as he flew through the door to the exam room that currently housed Meredith and Mark, his cheeks bright pink and his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath after a sudden dash to get to Meredith's side.

'I said I wouldn't start without ya man, relax please! Cardio was always my weakest area I don't want to have to start compressions on you as well as trying to get this one to sit still and brave the needle!' Mark laughed as he allowed Meredith up of the bed so she could move towards Derek.

'You're here?' she smiled as she wrapped her arms around him and ran her fingers along his back as she pulled him in closer. 'I can't believe you're here.'

'You hate needles; I wasn't going to let you go through this by yourself.' He whispered as he bent his head down and captured her lips with his own 'I'm with you every step of the way. I promise you,' he added as he pulled away a little, before wrapping an arm around her waist and guiding her back over towards the bed.

'Thank you for being here for the needles and the blood.' Meredith quietly said as she nuzzled into the side of him as he sat down beside her on the bed, making room for Mark to get to her arm. He pulled her closer again, taking her hands in his as he pulled her closer.

He looked into her grey blue pools with a little apprehension as he took her hands in his, the clamminess of her nerves evident for him to see…and feel 'I promised you.' He whispered as he leant forwards and placed a delicate kiss on the end of her nose.

Meredith squeezed Derek's hand as she looked over towards Mark who was currently reading the information sent by the FDA ensuring he knew exactly how many vials of blood were needed, and which factors they were searching for.

Derek had held her close to him the night before when he had made the call to mark, explaining that it was in facts Meredith's mother who needed his help to get onto the trial and she had shook silently in his arms as he had made mark promise not to share the information with anyone, reminding him it wasn't his story to tell, it was Meredith's whenever she was ready.

Mark had promised of course, he knew the importance of family and wouldn't betray his brothers trust like that, he was more than happy to help and had set to work in making the trial a possibility. He knew a good thing when he saw it and he agreed with his Mom a hundred percent that they were perfect for one another so he would never do anything to jeaposide that, he had a heart no matter what many people thought.

'Okay Grey, you ready for this?' Mark asked as he approached the bed and took in the sight before him.

Meredith and Derek were sat side by side, their bodies touching from their thighs all the way up to their heads, their heads turned in slightly as their foreheads rested against one another's and his left arm was firmly around her back pulling her in even closer to him.

'Thank you for doing this Mark, I hate this part.' She whimpered as Mark took hold of her arm and gently placed the belt around her upper arm to help him to find a vein to draw the blood from, the seconds seeming like hours as Mark pressed her arm trying to encourage a vein to come to the surface.

Her face responded the moment the needle pricked the surface of her skin, and Derek reacted at once by moving his hand in soothing circles around her back as he lifted his head and pressed delicate kisses to her forehead to fill the void his own head had left.

'All done. How's that feel?' He whispered as he watched Mark release the belt and press a cotton wool pad to the sight of the needle. Derek's fingers responded at once and took marks role, holding the cotton firmly in place as he held her close, desperate for her not feel any pain.

'Feels good' she stammered as the pain radiated up her arm and she flinched a little in his grasp.

'Don't believe that Shep, she was a nervous wreck in here, never known a person be able to hide their veins as well as she did! It's an art form.'

'I hate needles.' She mumbled, a tear escaping from her wet pools as the enormity of the situation took hold.

'Hey...It's ok; it's over, no more needles.' He hummed in her ear, as he took her hand in his free one and gave her palm a gentle squeeze.

'I...I know…but it's far from over is it? How long does all this even take?'

'Mark? Derek stated, his eyes pleading with his brother to help calm Meredith's nerves.

'I've put Jane Doe on the bloods and I will run them up there myself and explain I need them back STAT to try and identify a patient, as long as it isn't Kristie on the window I will be fine.'

'Kristie? I thought you liked my sister?'

'I do…I do Mer...a lot…so much…this was before Lexie, when Kristie thought we were dating, but I was…being me…I dated a different girl every night of the week, how was I to know she worked two jobs and would spot me in a restaurant when I had told her I already had plans! Not my fault!'

'If you hurt Lex!'

'I won't I swear, Lexie is… I don't no what Lexie is but I do know it's different to anything I have ever felt before.'

'So we are good as long as it's not an ex conquest of yours.'

'Yes!'

'That doesn't fill me with much hope!'

'Relax Mer; it's going to be fine. Mark will get the results and send them off to the trial and then when we get an answer back we can decide on the logistics of all of this. It's going to be ok.'

'I hope so.'

'I know so!'

'you know you are a little pale their Grey, if I were you I'd go and get a cup of coffee with a few sugars in it or something, don't want you keeling over and ruining all of this yourself, ' Mark explained as he headed out of the door with the vials and information that he needed. 'Shep take care of your woman, I've don't my bit, it's up to you now.'

'You are a little pale Mark's right; we need to get a hot drink inside of you and maybe some food? Did you have breakfast?

'Couldn't eat, butterflies in my stomach or something, I felt sick just thinking about food.'

'That's probably part of the problem! Come on let's grab something quick and go and eat it outside?' he said softly as he stood up and offered her his hand, a gesture she returned at once as she stood shakily from the bed.

'Whoa…I've got ya.' He promised as he steadied her wobble and guided her towards the door, his hand never leaving contact with hers.

'What time have you got to get back to the fire house?' she asked as the pair joined the cafeteria queue, Meredith's eyes growing wide at the chocolate pudding staring at her from the chiller.

'Not till 9 tomorrow, explained I had some family business to attend and the Chief was fine with it…you're really going to eat that for breakfast?' he groaned as he watched her reach for and pick u the chocolate bowl.

'Sugar…I need sugar so yes I'm really going to eat it!'

'Anything else? You need to keep your strength up.' He stated as he picked up two sandwiches from the chiller nearest him, his eyes pleading with Meredith to pick one.

'have they got Turkey?' she smiled as he reached his left hand forward, a proud grin spreading across his face as he had known what she would want without being asked 'but I am eating this pudding first,' she laughed as she pulled off the foil lid and dug in before she had even made it to the cash desk! A move that left Derek shaking his head, laughing at the petite love of his life before him.

She had forgiven him and let him in…they were going to be ok.


	38. Chapter 37 congratulations?

Hya everyone, as always thank you for the kind words and support for both of my fics your comments and messages mean the world to me and they are amazing inspiration to keep writing!

I was in two minds where to take this next and had a few avenues i was going to take but surprisingly to me (as i didnt think this would eer be a factor yet!) this avenue prevailed and it more or less wrote itself! sometimes you cant argue with your characters!

a MASSIVE thank you to Jill and Jen who allowed me to sound off and sahre ideas and plan thru what i THINK will be happenin gfrom the back of this update! i was a little lost and they helped to refocus my thoughts a lot! so girls once again thank you!

this will be the last update for a little while as i go on holiday early saturday morning and will have no time to write more for this fic before then! i am heading to ibiza with the girls for a week in the sun and it cant come soon enough! therefore please please please comment and show your love, and i promise to be back and writing ASAP (around the 6th june!)

thank you so so much

hope you enjoy

**[u]chapter congratulations?**[/i]

Meredith was sick, she couldn't even remember the last time she had been sick which wasn't fuelled by a tequila binge or a glass of red wine too many! But now as she gripped the porcelain and deposited the contents of her stomach into the bowl for the third time she couldn't help but wonder why today! She had been working with the Hall family all week, their youngest child Samia had been admitted after a fall in school; however a sickness bug had prevented her surgery from going ahead until she was more stable – so it must be that!

Her stomach had started churning a little after four, waking her from a deep sleep as the pains had spread across her abdomen, she had cuddled tighter into Derek, trying not to wake him as she prayed the feeling would pass, but barely a few minutes later she had quickly, yet carefully pulled herself from the bed and sprinted into the bathroom that joined her room. She had no idea how long she had been sitting on the bathroom floor, but she was grateful as of yet she hadn't woken Derek, he had been called into work for an emergency and had crawled into a bed just before three so he hadn't exactly had a lot of sleep.

As her stomach calmed again a little she moved herself away from the bowl and lay gently down on the cool tile floor, she was shivering now as the chilly early morning air swirled around the bathroom but she didn't dare to move in case she needed to throw up again…if she could just get a little more sleep maybe it would pass.

'Mer?' a familiar voice whispered, her eyes still closed she felt a gentle hand rest on her shoulder and shake her slightly 'Mer?'

'Derek.' She murmured as she opened her eyes and her heart melted as they met with his concerned blue orbs, the worry evident within them.

'What are you doing?' he asked as he offered her his hand and helped her sit, before sitting down beside her, and gently resting her back onto his side.

'Stupid virus.' Meredith answered as she snuggled into him, one of his arms instinctively encircling her, the other brushing her hair away from her clammy forehead, before gently soothing her flushed cheeks.

'You should have woken me.' He protested as he felt her shiver within his grasp.

'You need sleep.' She muttered back, her exhaustion clearly evident in her shaking voice.

'But you're sick.' He pointed out as he watched her close her eyes again as if shutting out the world for a moment.

'Yeah' she whispered as she linked her fingers with his, desperate now to feel him close to her.

'So you should have woken me.'

'I'm ok…I think it pa…crap.' She groaned as she urgently fled his grasp and threw up once again into the toilet bowl; her shoulders shaking as the force of the action made her whole body react as her stomach repeatedly churned.

'Oh Mer.' He soothed as he quickly leant forwards, holding her hair back and caressing her back as she retched repeatedly. 'How long have you been like this?'

'What time is it?' she moaned as she reached to flush the toilet and rested back against Derek once again.

'Five fifteen…its early.'

'I need to get ready, I have rounds and meetings…and surgery, there is definitely a surgery scheduled on the board with my name on it.'

'You can't go in like this Mer,'

'I have to… I have to see Bailey and the Chief and Samia the little girl I have been working on she has been waiting for days for this operation, I can't cancel it.'

'There are other people who can do it Mer; please…you can't do it.'

'I have to…I'm already feeling better see.' She said as she stood shakily, Derek quickly catching her as she began to stumble back down towards the floor.

'Mer.' He gasped as he wrapped his arms around her.

'Just dizzy…I have been down there a long time Derek; I'm fine, just got up too quick,'

'You're sure?' he quizzed as he pressed a kiss to her forehead and relaxed a little as he watched her cheeks begin to pink up a little again.

'Yeah…I am, promise…plus we have to meet Mark later to get the trial results…you can be there right? The sooner we get my mother on this thing the better!'

'Wouldn't miss it, Mark said around eleven so I will be there, but I could drive you in you know? And then go and grab a couple of hours sleep on Marks couch?'

'You can't…you have barely been in bed?'

'And neither have you yet you are contemplating work. Let me do this please? I can drive you in, get my head down in Marks office till it's time for the results…and then if you are still not feeling great I might have a chance to persuade you to come home and rest, or at least treat you to some lunch.'

'I'm not going to win this one am I?'

'You can't always win the fight Meredith, where would the fun be in that? Let me do this please?'

'Okay.'

'Okay.'

Meredith had been in work for two hours and so far she hadn't had to make any emergency sprints to the nearest bathroom…which had to be a good thing! Her stomach was still sore and bothering her, but she didn't want to complain about that as it was a definite stark improvement from hours earlier! Having not dared to touch breakfast earlier she now found herself heading towards the cafeteria with Cristina, eager to try something to try and settle her stomach. As they pushed the double doors open and the smell of early morning bacon filled the air Meredith found herself rooted to the spot, as a fresh wave of nausea took hold.

'Are you ok?' Cristina asked as she turned when she realised her friend was no longer beside her.

'I will be in a minute, my patient has had a sickness bug and I think its catching.'

'You want me to grab you something?'

'Toast…maybe…just toast…and do you think we could eat it outside or something, the smell in here is just…'

'It smells like normal Mer, bacon, sausage, eggs…normal cafeteria breakfast smells!'

'How did I never notice how bad it is?' Meredith complained as she backed out of the cafeteria and leant back against the wall as she waited for Cristina to come out with the food.

'You ok?' Lexie asked as she turned the corner and noticed her sister resting back on the wall.

'I will be…just…urgh…did you change your perfume?' she asked as Lexie stood alongside of her

'What? No…it's the same I always wear, keep it in my locker, you like it…you said before you like it…'

'Do you think you could…sorry, can you just…wash…or not stand too close or something!'

'Urm…yeah…are you sure you're ok?' Lexie asked as she placed her hand gently on Meredith's forearm.

'I will be if you move the hell back.' Meredith snapped, pulling her arm back in anger, the look of hurt evident on Lexie's face as she jumped back 'crap…Lex…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to snap, I'm sick, or I think I might be sick…I'm sorry.'

'It's ok…I'm gonna go…and wash or whatever…I hope you feel better.' Lexie whispered as she walked past Meredith, and smiled back at her sister as Meredith once again apologised as she walked away.

'Well you look even worse if that's possible.' Cristina stated as she pushed open the doors and joined Meredith.

'I snapped at Lexie, I'm pretty sure she hates me now.'

'She'll live; you haven't done that for a while!'

'I guess.' Meredith whispered as the pair set off down the corridor, but it wasn't long before she had to quickly grab onto the nearest supply rails as another pain shot through her stomach.

'Women troubles?' Cristina asked as she waited for Meredith to walk again.

'Sick patient troubles…mom troubles…plus Derek is being all mcdreamy…I think it's all giving me an ulcer!'

'The fire-fighter is making you sick!'

'What no… not Derek…he is perfect and he's there…always there…my patient made me sick.' She groaned as she started walking again, her hand placed firmly on her stomach, her shoulders hunched a little as she tried to make the pain ease.

'You ok Dr Grey?' Dr Bailey asked as she walked past the two slow moving doctors, concern on her face as she took in Meredith's bent over form.

'Yeah I just need to…sit.' She whispered as she sat herself down on the arm of the nearest chair and rested her head between her knees as she waited for the nausea to pass again.

'You sure?' Bailey asked, as she saw Derek heading down the corridor.

'Meredith?' he asked, concerned as he saw the women he loved in obvious pain 'I couldn't sleep so I thought I would track down Mark…are you ok? I knew I shouldn't have let you come in'

'You dam fool, you knew she was sick and you let her come in here spreading her bacteria!' Bailey gasped as she slapped Derek on the arm with a frustrated grin spread across her face.

'Ow!'

'Don't give me that, it didn't hurt!'

'Mer…are you ok?' he asked again, ignoring Bailey and refocusing on her curled up form on the chair, his hand darting across her back and moving in slow comforting circles as she groaned slightly.

'Yeah…oh my god…' Meredith lunged forwards as she vomited, her stomach churning too fast and the water she had sipped earlier now resting on the corridor floor.

'You still sure?' he offered as he helped Meredith stand and moved her towards the nurses' station.

'You…' Bailey called to a passing intern… 'Sort out that mess on my surgical floor!'

'You're burning up.' He pointed out as he pressed his hand to her forehead and gently brushed the hair from her face - mirroring the actions he had had to do a few hours ago on the bathroom floor.

'I'm fine' she protested as she rested her head on the counter top.

'You don't look fine. You look beautiful but you don't look fine.' He whispered into her hair as he breathed her in.

'Now I'm going to throw up.' Cristina groaned as she stood beside Meredith, passing her some water to hopefully help to settle her stomach.

'Go…you have sleep to catch up on and best friends to find.' She stated as she lifted her head up a little, her eyes pleading with him to drop it for now.

'You're going to be alright?' he asked as he stood back a little.

'Yeah'

'Will you look after her please?' he motioned towards Cristina, eager to not crowd Meredith and give her the space she was asking for – and also aware that he needed to find Mark before their scheduled appointment.

As he made his way up the stairs he heard marks familiar tones up ahead and waited on the gang way for him to appear, he leant down on the banister, his eyes fixed firmly on his girlfriends bent form as Cristina actually fussed around her checking she was ok.

'Hey' Mark bellowed as he rounded the top corner and spotted his brother.

'Hi, I was just looking for you.'

'Really? Standing staring at your girlfriend doesn't really help in the hunt for the hot shot plastic surgeon you know!' Mark laughed as he stood alongside his brother and followed his gaze down. 'Grey ok?' he asked as he looked between the two and saw concern on Derek's face.

'I dunno, she said she is sick…but something is off. You nearly ready with those results?'

'Heading up there now, I will page Meredith as soon as I have them.'

'Thanks, I really do appreciate you doing this for Mer…For us.'

'You'd do the same for me…its family isn't it?'

'It is.'

'CRAP ARE YOU PREGNANT…' Cristina's screech could be heard across the whole surgical floor as Meredith retched once again by the nurses' station and vomited into the nearest trash can leaving doctors, nurses…and shocked fire-fighters frozen in shock at the words!

Derek looked down and witnessed her repeatedly vomit, a hand on his shoulder from mark encouraged him to move and he quickly took two stairs at a time desperate to reach Meredith,

'Meredith…' he murmured as he closed in on her, her eyes instantly looking up and locking with his – fear radiating from them.

'You…out of my way, you have done enough' bailey ordered as she moved in-between the pair and took Meredith by the arm.

'I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying.' Derek protested his words forceful showing bailey he meant business.

'Fine…but no eye sex in my exam room…it appears there has been enough fornicating going on in this place!'

Derek, Cristina, Mark and Bailey helped usher Meredith into an exam room and Derek supported his girlfriend as he lifted her up onto the bed, her knees firmly tucked up into herself as she writhed around in agony.

'Awww your gonna be Mcparents!' Cristina laughed as she placed a blood pressure cuff around Meredith's arm, and placed a monitor to her finger as she set up the machines.

'We don't know if anyone is pregnant' Meredith snapped as she grasped Derek's hand tight 'I can't be pregnant can I?' she sobbed, tears quickly flooding her eyes, fear evident upon her face.

'A little too late to begin to think like that.' Cristina reminded her.

'I guess we better take some bloods to rule it out.' Bailey pointed out as she moved forwards with the kit she needed, Meredith flinching back at the sight of the needle.

'No need Dr Bailey…I ran some blood on Dr Grey yesterday, I noticed she was looking a little… peaky…I was just on my way to get the results.' Mark intercepted eager to help his brother's girlfriend out and not let on the real reason Meredith had had blood taken.

'This has been going on since yesterday? You two are a pair of dammed fools! Here was me thinking your mother had raised you well! Go now then…we need some answers! Cristina, out, let's leave these two to it till we get the results back. We can't give you anything for the nausea till we know what we are dealing with Meredith so we will be back when Sloan gets the results'

'It's going to be ok Mer, I promise you, whatever happens this will be ok.' He promised as he carefully crawled into the bed beside her and wrapped his protective arms around her.

'How...How will this be ok?' she sobbed as she cuddled back into his frame ' I can't be a mother, I can't raise a child, you've met my mother, she didn't show me any love or any encouragement I can't love another person and be responsible for their upbringing…no…I can't be pregnant…I'm not pregnant! I don't want children…this isn't what I want.'

'Meredith this might already be out of our control. I know you are scared and you might never have thought about this…but I have…not this fast maybe or this soon – but kids…kids were definitely something I saw in my future…'

'that's easy for you to say with your hallmark family and your heart full of love…its easy for you, I'm not that person Derek…I don't want to be a mother so maybe you will need to find someone who does!'

'Meredith, don't you see, your heart is full of love. You love me, you let me in even when you were scared and you have experienced just how perfect love can be. I don't want anyone else to be the mother of my children, there is no one else on this earth that I love more than you…you are it for me…and regardless of what these results show I promise you we will be ok. Baby or no baby…we will be ok.'

'I don't want a baby…'

'_I guess congratulations are out of order then?'_


	39. Chapter 38 panic

Mark had quickly gathered that his news may not have been as celebratory as he first thought when he opened Meredith's blood results and had swiftly backed out of the room when Derek had gazed up at his brother and silently begged them to be left alone, he had nodded at Derek as if to congratulate him away from Meredith's eye line as her hands had continued to cover her face in despair, but he hadn't missed the glint of excitement on Derek's face with the prospect of becoming a dad as he had closed the door behind him, after all he knew it was something he had always wanted. Derek Shepherd was born to be a dad!

'Let me see that paper you God damn fool.' Bailey snapped as she watched him back away from the door, the paper flying out of his hand before he had a chance to protest her actions.

'Hey, Meredith is my patient; technically, I drew the blood yesterday before any of this what ever happened to patient confidentiality?' He spat as he watched her cast her eyes over the results before watching her face change when she saw the result she had been scanning for.

'Looks like Yang was right, we got some new Mcparents on our hands!' she smiled as she folded the paper and handed it back to Mark, before moving back towards the room that currently housed Meredith and Derek.

'You can't go back in there…Meredith hasn't taken it too well, give them some time?' Mark pleaded with Bailey, surprised when he saw her stop and turn to face him again. 'Please Dr Bailey…Miranda…I don't think anyone was expecting this, most of all Meredith, they just need some time.' He explained, his voice catching a little as he feared after seeing her reaction that Meredith may make a decision that would break his brothers heart!

'Wow the great man whore himself has a heart, let's not allow the nurses to hear about this or a certain Dr Grey Junior might have a battle on her hands for you!' Bailey laughed as she stepped forward, placing her hand on his forearm and giving it a gentle squeeze, a clear sign despite the joking that she too shared his insecurities over Meredith's reactions.

'Dr who?' mark blushed as he dropped his gaze away from Miranda's for a moment.

'All you people think because I'm short I don't see what's going on in this place! But you are forgetting I AM DR BAILEY. I hear everything. I know everything. I'm watching each and every one of you. Nothing gets passed me.' She explained before heading back off down the corridor, leaving Mark alone in the hallway, torn between leaving Meredith and Derek alone…and being close by for his brother.

However the sound of his pager made his mind up for him and soon had him running towards the ER, a

He was going to be a dad. The excitement inside of him was bubbling to the point of explosion yet somehow he was managing, just about, to keep a tight lid on it as in reality Meredith was currently sobbing in his arms, her tiny frame shaking with fear, petrified at the thought of becoming a mother.

Derek held her close to his chest, her hand wrapped tightly around his so much so that her knuckles were shining white from the pressure and he was pretty sure he had lost all feeling in his fingers.

This was unexpected, to say the least, but the thought of becoming a father and having a child to love and nurture was everything he had ever wanted, and until now he had never really thought that a women would be so clearly shaken by the news. But Meredith was a mess…heartbroken it seemed at the prospect of bringing a child into their future, and he would be lying if he said her reaction wasn't hurting him a little…but with all his might he suppressed that feeling and continued to sooth her as he let her cry…she had to understand that she could do this….she had to.

Ellis Grey was evil, that's all he could keep thinking as Meredith repeatedly cried to herself that she had no idea how to be a mother, and never would. Ellis had dragged her daughter up, leaving her in the hospital or with numerous nannies throughout the years that there was no wonder Meredith had no idea how to believe that she could do this!

No one had ever believed in her…till him and he wasn't about to stop now!

She had fought his love for long enough, surely she had to come around to the idea of a baby too?

'It's going to be ok Mer.' He whispered as he rocked her gently back and forth, his hand continuing soothing circles across her back 'I promise you everything will be ok.'

'How…how…will…how…' she stuttered as her shoulders shock and her hands grasped up at her neck as if clawing for air. 'I … can't…I…' she gasped as she gulped for air now and Derek felt his body tense in panic as her body turned rigid in fear in his arms.

He quickly left his space behind her and moved in front, taking her hands in his and begging her to look at him.

'Meredith please, you need to be look at me ok? Slow steady breaths, in…and out…look at me, follow me ok?' he cried as he battled to get her stiff demeanour to relax.

'I can't…mom…I can't be a …' she continued, her voice rasping in her throat as she failed to catch her breath.

'You have to slow down Meredith, steady like this.' He instructed as he slowed his own breath and tried to encourage her to follow his actions.

Her eyes bulged in her head as she found it increasingly hard to inhale the air that she needed, and Derek felt his own heart rate quicken in fear as he cupped her head in his hands and tried to keep her focus on him.

'A baby…doesn't….' She wheezed as her cheeks began to rush red as she struggled to breathe some more.

'Shhhh Meredith please, you need to breathe, look at me.' He begged as his eyes glanced around the room, desperate to find something to help control her breathing, before his gaze fell on a sick bag someone must have brought in earlier when she was repeatedly throwing up. He carefully reached over to the table and managed with one out stretched hand to finger the bag towards him without letting go of her other hand. 'Take slow deep breaths,' he encouraged as he placed the bag in her hand and guided her free hand to place the bag near her mouth. 'That's it, slow.' He whispered, his own voice shaking as fear spread across his body as he continued to witness her struggle.

Finally Derek breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her shaking shoulders slowly begin to return to normal as her breathing became controlled and the urgency in her breaths seemed to dissipate.

'You're ok Mer…I've got you.' He whispered as he felt her lay her head down on his shoulder and curl back into him. 'I know you're scared, and it's ok to be feeling that way I promise you, but you have to believe me when I say you will be an amazing mother Meredith. You are an amazing person who I love with all my heart, and our baby will love you too.'

'A baby doesn't want me.' She sobbed quietly as she raised her head and allowed her wet sea green orbs to meet with his glazed sapphires 'I have the worst mother in the world, I would be the worst mother in the world.'

'I have to agree with you about Ellis Meredith, and my heart breaks for you over what you went through as a child, but you have to remember that despite the pain and unloving home you came from you still found it possible to love me and let me in. You still became the amazingly strong, beautiful and courageous woman that you are today…you might not see it now that you can do this, but I know that you have so much love to give Meredith…and our baby is going to be so lucky to have you as a mommy. You are nothing like your mother; you'd be a good mom'

A knock at the door caused both of them to jump as the tears flowed down both of their cheeks.

'Guys, I'm sorry to interrupt, and I get that this isn't a very good time its just…Meredith?' Mark spoke softly as he peered around the door, his own heart contracting at the sight of the upset in the room.

'Yeah?'

'Your mother just got admitted to the ER.'


End file.
